My Healing Journey

Remineralization of Teeth

2011-09-21T17:38:00.000-07:00

These images do a decent job of showing how much wider my upper palate has become after using my Homeoblock style dental device for 8 months. They also show how my teeth seem to have remineralized during the last three weeks that I've been following basic RBTI guidelines. I've not been RBTI tested yet I've only followed the simple rules of no meats or sweets after 2 pm and then loosely followed the no food list. (No sea salt, popcorn, nuts (except coconut), chocolate, nutmeg, white potatoes, white rice, tea, shellfish, skinfish, pork, hard seeded berries. Chocolate, Tea, Nutmeg, Nuts, Popcorn, Skinned Fish (ie. tuna, shark, mahi mahi, swordfish, marlin, mackerel, bluefish, catfish, etc.), pepper.) less butter but I still eat some and I still eat high fat sheep yoghurt.

I discovered the other day that my teeth looked a lot whiter, at closer inspection I also noticed that my front teeth looked smoother around the corners. Those corners used to be really sharp and now it's as if the tooth has somehow grown a little, filled itself in with new enamel.

I know the lighting is totally different in the images however you can still see how soft the corners are and how there are no more differences in colors. Note the very low edge of the front teeth, they had a yellow discoloration all my life and it got worse on low carb and now after three weeks of RBTI it's totally gone (that's not due to any lighting trick or anything).

New image of my teeth after the use of a homeoblock style device for 8 months, and after three weeks of RBTI.

After three years on Bee Wilder's unhealthy low/no carb diet.

On low carb I also developed my first ever cavity and by the end of it I began noticing that my front teeth had grey stripes inside of them from what I guess was some kind of demineralization process. That was too depressing to even take a photo of. It disappeared as soon as I started RRARFing thankfully. But the yellow shading remained and so did the sharp edges that I had considered asking a dentist to fill in with some kind of porcelain. Now it looks like I won't need that.

Palate Expansion Update

2011-09-21T14:25:00.000-07:00

So, this is a picture of my teeth after having used my Homeoblock style dental device for 8 months. I know it doesn't look like that drastic of a change, but trust me it is a huge difference for me. My bite right now is the best it's been in my entire life. For the first time I can actually bite down all the way cause my upper teeth are now all in front of the lower row. It feels very good and functional. The dental device itself has widened with about 1 cm. So that's how much wider the palate must have grown.

August 2011

July 2010

My upper palate is not going to be widened any more and right now I'm just using the device without widening it further. This is to allow the teeth to "settle". The next month I'll be getting some kind of thing to push my front teeth together. After a month of that we'll add veneers to create slightly bigger teeth on both sided of the front teeth - where my current smaller "piglet" teeth are sitting. This is necessary in order to keep the palate widened, otherwise, if we were to leave big gaps between my teeth, the palate would most likely shrink back again. I'll miss my piglets for sure but I really don't want to risk my palate going back to where it was when I started making the money and effort meaningless.

My orthodontist is saying that this way of changing teeth is considered "conservative", and functional. For example, I won't need to use any braces to move the teeth. We'll instead let them settle on their own, allowing time to do the job.

The amazing thing with all this, even though it may not look very drastic, is that my piglet teeth moved forward without any pressure forward what so ever on them. The pressure was all to the sides. And when the sided widened my front tow teeth moved forward on their own, as if they were growing into place naturally.

Interestingly as a kid when I had braces, the braces forcefully pushed only on the piglet teeth forward. It worked, however, my bite never improved and as soon as I discontinued using the braces after whatever two years or so of usage, the teeth moved back within no time. It was a futile practice to try to push the teeth forward with force. The homeoblock has really amazed me in that it made the teeth move forward without even the slightest pressure on them.

Also, I have felt no pain what so ever while using the homeoblock, no discomfort or anything. I was expecting to get regular headaches or so. It has been super easy to live with it. The only thing that was annoying was to try to remember to roll the little roller thing with my tongue, something that I was supposed to do all day long to prevent the tongue from pressing upward. I kept forgetting to do this. Hopefully it will be ok anyways.

I must add though that I also have not noticed any improvements in sleep while using the device, nor improvements in clarity of mind or less anxiety or anything like that. I wrote about the potential for this is this blog post:

http://healingendo.blogspot.com/2010/07/is-it-mental-or-is-it-dental.html

Some people that I've read about online do seem to see huge improvements to their life quality and mental health from widening the upper palate but I have not noticed any improvements. Also, worth noting, my CP did not improve at all from using the device. It's just interesting to note this. I am still very happy that I did use the device. Both for a better bit and frankly for cosmetic reasons. I liked my teeth before but I love them even more now! And we're not done yet, but I am looking forward to having a more traditional looking set of teeth. Never thought I would but now I do see the benefits of that. I guess once you realize the whole deal about the value of a wide upper palate, you begin to see the functional beauty in wide upper palates and straight teeth. Then your cosmetic ideals change too. Where I used to think that the most beautiful teeth were the most unique looking once, I now have fallen back into the societal norm of admiring straight teeth in wide upper palates. So, now I'm excited to get to join that group of people.

TMS update

2011-07-10T01:43:00.000-07:00

So, a short update from me. About 5 months since I got my TMS diagnosis.

I'm now learning all I can about TMS. I'm working with an excellent psychotherapist called Alan Gordon, and he's teaching me how our human systems work from a TMS perspective.

The best way so far that I've been able to understand it is through using two movies as metaphors. The first movie is the Matrix. Basically, our physical symptoms, ie pain, hair loss, candida, etc. and interestingly enough also our emotional symptoms like anxiety, depression etc. are simply agents there to arrest us. It is our job to stop seeing the agents and instead see the codes that make them up. The symptoms are there to grab our attention. They keep us preoccupied. So long as we are preoccupied we can't feel our feelings. TMS is essentially a very powerful repression mechanism. But really all the symptoms, the physical and mental, including our negative thoughts, are agents and they are made up of ones' and zeroes. For me I have two basic codes:

1. Things that make me feel scared. (pain, anxiety, depression, worry thoughts, OCD etc)
2. Things that give me low self worth (self critical thoughts, unhealthy compulsive relationships)

Those two codes keep me so preoccupied that I can't feel whatever feelings I may be feeling, ie I repress the feelings this way. Cause I'm so wrapped up in fighting the "agents" that are trying to "arrest me" from consciousness and put me back in the "jail of repression" see below. So, with TMS it is my job to see the agents for what they are: codes there to scare me or to make me feel bad about myself.

When I learn to think "this is just TMS, it's trying to grab my attention by making me scared. It's not real, it's just a code." Then the symptom gets less energy from me and they fade away over a shorter time period. I stay out of jail.

Getting the correct diagnosis has already led me to get to experiences in my life:
1. The first pain free period of my life!!!
2. Working full time again!!!
3. A lot fewer symptoms, including almost no anxiety, nor migraine, digestive problems or depression. A lot better joints.
4. I am able to eat any food I want to eat including dairy without any reactions. I still mostly stick to eating whole foods though just cause I believe in whole foods over refined foods.
5. I am able to be around fur animals without any reactions.

I began to enjoy the above after only a few weeks of treatment and now after 5 months I'm still very stable, some period cramps have returned but that is to be expected because I'm not a psychological ninja....yet....lol. The treatment is essentially getting a better understanding and learning not to get so sucked into the symptoms.

Then there is another aspect to this. That is where the Shawshank Redemption movie enters. When the main character (Morgan Freeman) finally gets out of prison, he feels so uncertain about regular life, that he considers doing something illegal in order to get back into the prison again. Not because he liked being in prison, but because prison had become so familiar to him. It had become his point of stability and safety. Dangerous and unhappy an environment as it was.

It's the same thing with TMS. Feeling scared and bad about myself is definitely not a happy place to be, but it's very familiar to me. So, it's where my system tends to go in order to create some sort of equilibrium for itself. Now, to break free and stay free, it is my job to see the codes and not the agents. Much like when Keanu Reeves saw a woman with a red dress. He was to learn to see that she was just a code, an agent in disguise, instead of getting seduced by her.

As I understand it, that is also the idea behind Buddhist enlightenment. So, I'll have to become enlightened and feel my feelings instead of running back to jail through my symptoms. That's obviously not an easy task and I've only just begun that journey but I do feel more hopeful than ever before.

The above way of functioning is supposedly human and completely normal. It's just when it becomes so commonly used on a daily basis that it's hard to function in life that it becomes a "syndrome", an illness that requires treatment.

It's also a challenge to sift out what is healthy and worth continuing to have in my life, and what is contributing to continuing the symptoms. Some of that has got to do with an attitude change too. For example, yoga is healthy and still something I keep in my life three times a week. However, I don't go because I thin yoga will "cure my endometriosis" or anything like that. I go for wellbeing, to feel good about my life and myself. I also sometimes go to cranio sacral treatments but also not to be cured of anything, not to lessen any symptoms, only because it feels good to feel that relaxed.

I hope to continue becoming enlightened and more and more free from symptoms. A part of me knew all along that I was experiencing a psychosomatic situation. I was never able to separate the two parts of myself. lol.

The End of one Road the Beginning of Another

2011-03-30T15:38:00.000-07:00

I just got back from Los Angeles where I finally got to meet with a wonderful medical doctor, Dr Schechter, MD, who specializes in psychosomatic illness. You can check him out here:

www.mindbodymedicine.com

I'm so happy that after 12 years of being certain that in my case, much of my health issues are related to emotions and psychological issues, but only running into medical doctors who at best have had no clue, I have finally found a competent and respectful physician who not only agrees with me that my health issues are psychosomatic, but who has a way of medically diagnosing psychosomatic illness, and on top of that has a developed, tried out, and seemingly effective treatment program that addresses this exact problem. I have been hunting for the bodymind connection together with millions of others for years and done my best to incorporate psychotherapy, meditation, positive thinking, massage, stress reduction and many other things into my own DIY healing program that as you can see from this blog, has not worked wonders.

After the physical examination and some very thorough blood work the doctor was able to give me a proper diagnosis.
It is with much joy that I can declare that I have a proper, medical diagnosis of:
TMS, Tension Myositis Syndrome!

This is wonderful news because the prognosis is amazing! It also means that I am in fact totally healthy physically!!! It is such a relief to know that the underlying cause of my still very real physical symptoms is nothing dangerous or difficult to figure out, nor is it incurable or chronic or evil, it's simply caused by emotions. :)

Now that I have the correct diagnosis, I will be able to work on the correct treatment! I fully believe that this is the right diagnosis for me and I am looking forward to doing the treatment program which is a home study program and specific mindbody focused psychotherapy by a therapist trained in the area of psychosomatic illness.

As I understand it, TMS is technically a mental disorder with physical manifestations. It's not the same as being a hypochondriac, but instead it is a psychosomatic condition. The difference between the two is that a hypochondriac believes they have medical physical problems that they do not have. The psychosomatic person has real medical physical problems, but the problems are caused not by organic causes like hormones or viruses or mechanical faults, but by emotions, stress and tension. If these problems can be healed, the medical conditions will also be restored, within some limits depending upon the physical condition, but many symptoms are potentially totally reversible.

Essentially people who suffer from TMS experience their emotions through physical symptoms. This is something I feel is totally applicable to me. TMS seems further to be an illness of the nervous system. No wonder none of the diets and alternative treatments I have tried have ever worked for me!

I started this blog in 2008, and it has been so meaningful to me. In fact, it is through a comment from a kind stranger called Robert on this blog that I found out about Dr Sarno's work in the first place. Robert, I don't know how to thank you enough for sharing your wisdom with me. Also, thanks to everyone who has been cheering me on these last years! Your support has been so strengthening and has helped me continue my search for that holy grail called health.

However, I now understand that it is in my best interest that I leave behind my focus on the physical symptoms and begin an entirely different journey. One of focusing solely on the psychological aspects.

Therefore, I won't post as much here on this blog from now on, but I promise to do updates on the psychological side of things as I work through this program.

Also, thank you again Matt Stone at 180DegreeHealth.com for helping me find my way back to "eating the food". Your down to earth approach really helps us who have become fixated with cutting out food groups in meaningless, ill informed, neurotic, and sometimes harmful efforts to heal. Keep saving lost dieting-souls! :)

To further focus away from health, I plan on creating a new blog where I will post some of my electronic music. I will add a link to that new blog when I have got it started.

Thank you all for your support! I wish you continued luck on your healing journeys.

I'll leave you for now with one of my favorite cover versions of Dolly Parton's "I will always love you" by the ever entertaining and brilliant "Me First and the Gimme Gimmes to symbolize leaving the physical symptoms to the past. Not that I will always love the symptoms but I couldn't think of anything better. lol....

Tsunami Relief through Friends and Apples

2011-03-21T11:34:00.000-07:00

My friend Umi from Japan is doing some PTSD trigger calming techniques with her friends and giving us all a break from the tsunami, earthquake and nuclear power plant melt downs, showing us the simple healing power of the apple, laughter and friendship. This video is aimed at everyone who has been effected directly or indirectly by the recent events and for Umi's mother in Japan.

http://www.youtube.com/embed/82nNPEKo0aw

To read Umi's blog go to:
http://nomoregaman.blogspot.com/

For tsunami donations:
http://www.jprn.org/

Some Improvements

2011-02-21T11:22:00.000-08:00

Short update. I've lost 15 pounds now finally over the last couple of months. I've also lost some body temperature though, but not too drastically. I've gone from being around 98.0 F to around 97.7 F. So I think it's ok. I don't get much higher than 98.2 though anymore and I used to get close to 99.0 F during ovulation before. But it's a trade off cause I'm so tired of my belly fat.

My depression has gotten a little bit better since I cut out taking the egg shell calcium, but it's still there and it might have something to do with the uric acid issues? My joints have also improved a bit since I cut out the egg shell calcium but they are still not back to complete functional/normal. Perhaps over time it will. My sleep has also improved the last week or so.

For Better of For Worse

2011-01-29T13:02:00.001-08:00

Having walked around campus with my skirt up unknowingly the other day I can safely say that I don't suffer from any kind of Pinocchio Complex. I was thoroughly amused at my own silliness and happy to be able to entertain.

I also have lost 10 pounds now. It cost me a loss of about 0.5 degree in basal body temperature so I'll have to overeat this weekend for sure to balance things out. It feels a lot better though to shed some of that extra body fat and get more of a muscle composition.

Serious, hard core, major depression right now though. Working on that one. I have so few physical symptoms now I have to face that other stuff and it's definatley overwhelming. The best medicine so far "Old Man Markely"

The Pinocchio Complex

2011-01-01T14:56:00.000-08:00

"If people did not do silly things, nothing intelligent would ever happen."
Ludwig Wittgenstein

I woke up this morning, this first day of the new year and cried because I am so overwhelmed with all the aspects of my life that suck. Or perhaps it's just cause there was a breach in my membrane, allowing the voices in. (to quote Thom Yorke) Either way, later on I found this amazing article online and it made me feel so inspired and supported. There are creative people out there who do understand where I come from, why I'm stuck, and who are trying to come up with fun, energetic solutions to solve those same problems.

I can really recommend reading it:

http://www.michael-titze.de/content/texte_e/text_e_02.html

"Questions made to confuse, or befuddle someone. Can lead to universal implosion, or exploding of one's head."
http://www.urbandictionary.com

I think I just found my power...

Hearing Damage

2010-12-30T16:34:00.000-08:00

Now that I'm trying to actively ignore my physical health issues and instead focus in on the body-mind connection, I'm thinking I'll devote some of this blog to the most important part of my life: music. After all music has huge healing powers in my opinion.

So, below is an excellent track by Thom Yorke "Hearing Damage" that I think describes depression pretty well, paired with the compassion so easily felt for others.

Lyrics:
A tear in the membrane
Allows the voices in
They wanna push you off the path
With their frequency wires

And you can do no wrong
In my eyes, in my eyes
And you can do no wrong
In my eyes, in my eyes

A drunken salesman
Your hearing damage
Your mind restless
They say you're getting better
But you don't feel any better

Your speakers are blowing
Your ears are wrecking
Your hearing damage
You wish you felt better
You wish you felt better

And you can do no wrong
In my eyes, in my eyes
And you can do no wrong
In my eyes, in my eyes

Healing Me First!

2010-12-26T22:36:00.000-08:00

I have always felt that there is enormous healing power in music. Right now I'm feeling very supported by it again. I'm also finding that one way of safely accessing unconscious rage for me seems to be through listening to punk music in particular. In my teens and early twenties I listened to punk music absolutely every day and I find that I'm returning to it now. Where I used to get some feminist rage out through bands like Hole, PJ Harvey, Sleater-Kinney, and Swedish Ebba Grön, today I'm into all-male groups like pop-punx Green Day, and Linkin Park, and the dirtier NOFX, Bouncing Souls, and of course the most loved punk cover-group of all: Me First and The Gimme Gimmes - currently on very high rotation in my iTunes playlist. Their albums "Are a Drag" and "Love Their Country" are must haves if you ask me. Available on iTunes! I'm sure listening to them is a straight road to better karma and Dharma and such!

It's rare for me to hear a live version that I like better than the album version, but in the below video it seems all musicians connect to another level of themselves and deliver an absolutely amazing performance. Check it out if you like:

Also of course, let's not forget about the fabulous Twilight Soundtracks who are also on high rotation currently. It's not a lot of punk music in it, but it definitely swings!

Well done Alexandra Patsavas for choosing the music!

Delusional Infatuations

2010-12-25T13:30:00.000-08:00

"First, we must break down some of the myths surrounding leanness. We clearly have a totally delusional infatuation with it."
-Matt Stone
http://www.180degreehealth.blogspot.com/

Since starting RRARF this summer I quickly went from size 4 to 8 and it freaked me out quite a bit. Now I feel I'm more ok staying at this weight. The last few weeks there has finally been a change in my body composition too. There has been no change in my scale weight but a definite change in fat loss. I guess it's a fat to muscle conversion going on. I just continue to eat to fullness and overeat at least once a week….I know I've had a delusional infatuation with leanness and other idealized body images like most people most of my life. I always felt imperfect at size 2 and 4. Of course it took over completely in my early twenties when I was anorexic for a short time, but I always felt it was more of an addiction and a way to cope with anxiety than an actual urge to be thin. But who am I?

Today I only wish I had more nutritional freedom but between my food allergies and joint issues I'm pretty stuck at the moment. Perhaps over time, as I heal things will improve. I also know I need to work hard at my negative inner dialogue. Here is some food for thought from RRARF creator Matt Stone:

"replace those self-deprecating thoughts and body image fixation with time spent cultivating your greatest skill, fulfilling your greatest pleasure, touching the lives of others with whatever gifts you’ve been given, and begin taking a large dose of the wonder drug Fukitol for additional support with that. "
-Matt Stone
http://www.180degreehealth.blogspot.com/

"You must plant flowers in the garden of your mind or you will be “forever pulling weeds.”
-Human Behavior expert John Demartini

"Fill your life and your mind with what is important to you, and what you are passionate about doing/experiencing/exploring or distractions and annoyances will end up filling your mind and your life –just like a garden with nothing planted in it will quickly be overrun with the stuff you don’t want in your garden."
-Matt Stone
http://www.180degreehealth.blogspot.com/

"form a pact with yourself, make a conscious effort to avoid feelings of guilt, shame, and remorse in all things in life but most importantly your exercise and food choices"
-Matt Stone
http://www.180degreehealth.blogspot.com/

Wise Crabs and Dharma Punx

2010-12-25T12:53:00.000-08:00

Dharma = that which upholds or supports

It's been intense so far. I've been writing essays on the topics on my list as suggested in the book "The Divided Mind" by Dr Sarno, and it's led me into open emotional chaos, unmerciful inner critic attacks, and violent depression. I've experienced the emotions as directly life threatening. These last days I've openly said to my friends and close once that I much prefer my physical pain and symptoms over feeling my feelings. I still refuse to collapse completely though. As a result I've had all sorts of surreal physical symptoms like insane pain in my teeth, but it's thankfully responding quickly when I accept my feelings more. It's kind of magical actually. Just being less threatened by the feelings relieves the physical symptoms almost instantaneously. It's the power of the knowledge that the feelings won't overtake me. I'm learning it's all about integrating them. As I continue reading "The Divided Mind" Dr Sarno, I also see that my experience is just a part of the journey, something to be expected, so I'm continuing the work of eating this elephant, but at a slower pace.

"The increase in pain is intended to further distract the person from the anticipated greater emotional pain that is considered more dangerous than the physical pain."
page 177

"…to plant the seeds of self-compassion, for James, like most people with TMS, tended to be very critical and tough on himself."
page 177

"He reported that the crab (that had appeared in one of his dreams) said it was reluctant to 'open the floodgates' for fear of being overpowered by the emotions. I told him to ensure the crab that he could now handle whatever emotions surfaced, something he could not do as a child when the painful emotions had to be repressed so he would not be overwhelmed by them."
page 177

When I need to take a break from the self obsessiveness of it all I listen to the awesome punk band Me First and the Gimme Gimmes' version of "My Favorite Things". I can't recommend it enough. I find the energy of punk music to be very healthy.

I think it's also time for me to attend some more of those Dharma Punx Meditation nights....

The Collapsable Woman

2010-12-23T12:47:00.000-08:00

Fantastic article on Bitch Magazine about rape and how we as a society have these ideas about how to cope and recover from it. It is feminism at it's best. That's when it's strengthening to all women and men. Empathetic but calling for more, something bigger than just surviving.

It helped me to personally clarify how to move beyond rape. I see now that my virtue was never stolen, it can't be stolen. His on the other hand, he threw in the trash. He's the one that should feel his feelings of shame and cry himself to sleep. I won't. I won't repress my feelings either but the shame is not mine to bear. It's his alone. I'm going on with my life, without collapsing.

http://bitchmagazine.org/article/the-collapsible-woman

Hopeful

2010-12-21T12:47:00.000-08:00

"The idea that powerful unconscious emotions are responsible for mindbody disorders is based on medical history."
page 37 The Divided Mind, Dr Sarno

It's a conflict between the "intelligent, ethical, moral conscious mind and the childish, primitive unconscious mind."
page 54 The Divided Mind, Dr Sarno

"the psyche represses undesirable emotions."
page 54 The Divided Mind, Dr Sarno

"the purpose of repression was to prevent problematic emotions from coming to consciousness."
page 54 The Divided Mind, Dr Sarno

OK, so yes, big deal going on. I think that I'm really onto something here. Not that I haven't been suspecting that I suffer from psychosomatic illness for years and years, but now I'm finally finding a roadmap on how to get out of this. Perviously when I've talked to a regular MD about it they just say "no, you've got endometriosis", and when I talk to psychologists about it they say "you'll have to ask your gynecologist about that." The health profession is so divided, but our lived experience never separates between body and mind. We feel both, we live in both.

Now, I've been reading Dr Sarno's book "The Divided Mind". It's a truly amazing book, but reading is always slow. Then I came across this 15 minute video from 20/20 on him and his methods and it's really amazing to see it. It's so powerful to see all these people who have been going through exactly what I've been going through, all these treatments and nothing working. I'm at that point where doctors might say to me what they said to one person after looking at her x-rays in the video:

MD: I'm pessimistic about any recovery.
Patient: What should I try?
MD: It looks like you've tried everything.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-6660313127569317147#

I mean for sure, any doctor would be pessimistic about recovery from endometriosis. It's a chronic diagnosis. Chronic means it doesn't go away. That's why it's called just that, chronic.

But I'm feeling hopeful today. I've already devised my list of potentially contributing factors to my health issues and when printed it became 8 pages long. Next step is to write an essay about each of the issues. It feels kind of overwhelming but I know I'm up for the task.

How do you eat an elephant?
One bite at a time.

The Divided Mind and The Twilight Saga

2010-12-08T11:28:00.000-08:00

"the ego stands for reason and good sense while the id stands for untamed passions."
page 59 "The Divided Mind" by John Sarno. MD

I've had the flu for the last coupe of days. In an excellent attempt to achieve escapism, I watched the Twilight Saga several times and took breaks reading a new book on psychosomatic disorders called "The Divided Mind" by John Sarno. MD. It turned out to be a pretty interesting pairing.

Dr Sarno is talking about how the mind can produce real physical changes as an attempt to protect us from unconscious conflicts. The idea is that the physical issues will keep us so focused on dealing with them that we become distracted from the real underlying emotional conflicts. We need to be distracted in order to avoid being overcome with those difficult repressed emotions. The key unconscious conflict is between the id, and the ego/superego. He empathizes that this conflict is universal. It's just a more unresolved conflict in some than in others.

Note, psychosomatic symptoms are real illnesses that can be measured in a laboratory setting, they are only caused by the mind. It's totally different than hypochondriac symptoms that are not real. Psycho-soma is real both in the mind and in the body.

Technically speaking, apparently the mind can create a mild oxygen depravation wherever it likes to in the body, this oxygen depravation in turn can create various diseases and real symptoms that get our attention. I find this particularly interesting as a Buteyko devotee. Hyperventilation for example is so closely linked to stress and emotions, it's an excellent tool for the mind to use to create symptoms that keep us busy and focused on them and not the unresolved unconscious conflicts.

The Twilight story represents a near perfect saga of this universal conflict between the human id and her ego and superego. The id has been described as the "dark, chaotic, illogical, irrational, narcissistic, dependent, childish, primitive" parts of mankind, so perfectly represented by Edward Cullan and the dark twilight world he belongs in.

Furthermore, the immortality of the vampires also mirrors the functions of the id "There is nothing in the id that corresponds to the idea of time" page 59 "The Divided Mind" by John Sarno. MD

The ego and superego on the other hand is equally beautifully embodied in Jakob. He is the Native American boy who represents not only the warm nature of us living humans, despite being a werewolf, but more importantly perhaps, he is fighting for, and trying to protect Bellas life. As she is drawn deeper into her id, she is more and more determined to end her life and become a living dead vampire. Interestingly, it is believed that the ego was developed to protect the self and increase our chances of survival. What better way to represent this side than via the powerful werewolf Jakob who also holds Bellas heart.

In the end of the last movie, Bella exclaims to Edward that it was never a choice between him and Jakob, but a choice between what she "should be" and what she "is", and that seems to be exactly true. The id is the untamed inner core of us all that simply is, the ego helps us survive, and function in a society. For her to survive she has to choose Jakob, but it seems certain that Bella will choose to follow her id -Edward- straight into the clutches of death. At the same time, when she is totally cut off from her id she looses her sanity and her will to live.

It's romantic enough and we all love to watch it, but it's also an opportunity to investigate that impossible age old conflict and try to figure out a way to resolve it. I'm not yet sure what the resolution to this problem may be for us all nor for Bella.

Of course it's not only animalistic passionate lust that offers a problem in the unconscious, another key area of conflict is the need to succeed in life and how the id protests having to follow the strict rules and regulations that the superego imposes on it in order to improve our survival by pushing us to societal success, (for the good of both the group and the individual). There are also issues of rage, inferiority complexes and I'm sure many other things I'll read more about today.

I wonder though, why do some of us solve all these conflicts with ease while others need to develop psychosomatic symptoms to cover the unresolved repressed emotions? All I can say is that we know these are universal inner processes of the conscious vs the unconscious mind, and judging from the success of the Twilight trilogy, and the obsessive nature of the fan base this seems to validate the theory.

The Twilight movies offer no solution to the conflict however, it just lures us into the depth of our subconscious and very passionate id. It is very easily entertaining and instantly escapist. However, I'll keep on reading that book to see what solutions may be offered and I'll keep you all posted. Until the, I'll also watch the Twilight saga as many times as I can squeeze in.

Period Cramps, Digestive issues and Joint issues - All Related to Uric Acid

2010-12-03T15:15:00.001-08:00

In addition to my higher intake of purine rich acidic foods over Thanks Giving causing my joints to worsen dramatically, the passage below from Dr Hagis's book on uric acid may be one other part of the reason my joints have been so bad these last few days, ie I also got my period and that apparently effects acidity and uric acid levels:

"We can also understand the connection which some have noticed between dysmeorrhoea and a certain rheumatoid joint changes, for dysmenorrhoea means a more than usually marked fall of urea and acidity, a more than usually severe colaemia, and consequently more severe and widespread irruption in the already damaged rises of joints of valves".
-page 720, "Uric Acid as a Factor in the Causation of Disease", A. Haig

This is SO big, I would take up too much space explaining why I'm so thrilled about all of this, but I want to keep it short. All that matters is that if I can succeed in becoming a non legume eating vegetarian, a lot of my major issues may be history for me!

I'd also like to give a shout out to Betsy who came into my life online with a little whisper: perhaps it's uric acid. Here is a link to an interesting book on the topic.

How can I ever thank you? I know in the genre of the western movie helpers sometimes occur to lead the heroine on her quest. I see Betsy as a wise little black raven who randomly lands beside me when I'm in the middle of the desert not knowing what way to go next, saying "If you want to reach California, you'll need to head west, here is a compass".

Today I welcome the migraine!

2010-12-03T15:10:00.000-08:00

So, for all the reasons I've now written about regarding uric acid, for two days I've had a migraine and I haven't been happier about a headache in my life!!! The presence of migraine tells me that the uric acid is circulating in the blood stream and so long as I can keep my body alkaline this is my chance to rid the system of some of the poison.
To really test the theory I did a litmus paper test on my urine and I shouldn't have been surprised, but I was:

IMAGE OF ALALINE LITMUS STRIP

That is just about as alkaline as it can get!!!! What a joy! I have full collaemia (uric acid in the blood) and my urine is primed for getting excess uric acid out of my system!!! The body is working with me. I eat only egg whites for protein. I know it's not sustainable but for now it's very interesting. This morning my CP jumped form it's usual 9 seconds to 15 seconds!!!! I am sure I'm onto something here. The hyperventilation may well be partly caused by the uric acid poisoning. If I had not developed joint issues I would have likely never learned about this. I feel like a lucky girl today!

I know that many challenges reman. Especially how in the world I'm going to feed myself as a non beans and lentil eating vegetarian with dairy allergies and severe digestive weakness making seeds and brown rice off the table. I do feel though that there is definitely hope for me. I feel invigorated by the idea that I may indeed one day get to experience health in the form of good quality sleep, vitality, ability to exercise, freedom from pain and other symptoms, and bendable joints.

Anyone with migraine will know that the best way to immediately rid oneself of an attack is to eat a big meal with lots of animal protein. This floods the system with purines that turn into uric acid overwhelming the blood stream and pushing all the uric acid into the tissues where it will cause other symptoms but not migraine. It all makes so much sense. It also explains why the migraine association in Sweden told me to be careful to always eat animal protein with each meal, or else a migraine would occur. That also makes sense, if you want to avoid the migraine attack and don't mind having your tissues filled to the brim with uric acid. But I want more, I want true health!

This is what my pH was in May 2010 when I was eating only meats and vegetables on my Eskimo/candida diet.

IMAGE OF OLD ACID LITMUS STRIP JANUARY

I first learned about the importance of pH from this guy who cured himself of cancer. His main focus was on oxygenation and on getting an alkaline pH. At least that's what I took from it. Those are the same overall conclusions I've come to as well in all of my struggles. Of course there are about one million other aspects to consider but I think that focusing one's effort's on a few issues is also very important or else it's easy to feel overwhelmed and get stuck.
Here is the original like to the personal story of cancer survival:
Fascinating story that has effected my thinking on health overall:
http://stopcancer.com/deathbedB.htm

The main webstie:
Stopcancer.com

Cancer and pH

Cancer and oxygenation

As an update to this post, on October 145h, 2011, during the time I got that alkaline urine pH I was overdosing on the egg shell calcium putting me in a serious depression. I think it was the calcium that made me so alkaline. Today I know that being that alkaline is not at all a good thing but just as bad as being too acidic. But it's still interesting to have these early pH results. Today, 9 days into the lemonade drink on RBTI, my pH is actually in a healthier range again of about 6.5 pH.

Circulation group vs Local group

2010-12-03T15:05:00.000-08:00

Dr Haig separates two groups of illness depending upon if the uric acid is currently circulating in the blood, or stuck locally in tissues or organs.
He writes that there is:
"A, the local or precipitation group, due to the irritating presence of uric acid in a fibrous tissue either in solution or suspension, as in gout:
Gout, Rheumatism, inflammatory illnesses, stomach upsets, problems with the ovaries, uterus and pelvic fasciae (uterine fibroma and other fibromata), Fascias and fibrous tissues in the neck, back, spinal cord and lumbosacral region, hands), intestines, appendix, muscles, nerves..."

B The circulation or solvent group, due to excess of uric acid in the blood (collaemia) and it's effects on the circulation, blood pressure and nutrition.
Headache, epilepsy, convulsions, chorea, hysteria, nervousness, mental depression, excitement, mania, bodily depression, fatigue, lethargy, insomnia, asthma, dyspepsia -dilated stomach, congestion of liver, diabetes, Bright's disease, dead hands, cramps, gravel, spinal degeneration, skin diseases, diseases of the blood, menorrhagia and uterine congestion, dysmenorrhoea."
page 133-134 - Uric Acid as a factor in the causation of disease, A. Haig, 1892

I have highlighted in italics the symptoms that I suffer from. I seem to have more symptoms of group A which is generally considered to be "less dangerous" and "more painful" in it's nature. That too makes sense to me and I am of course grateful for this.

It is interesting to me to note that asthma is in this group. Asthma is linked to hyperventilation and this makes me think that hyperventilation and uric acid are connected somehow. Especially since I have seen a huge overnight jump up in my own CP coincided with a time of collaemia (as evidenced by my migraine) and "plus excretion" of uric acid from my body (as evidenced by my urinary alkalinity during that same time period, see my blog post: http://healingendo.blogspot.com/2010/12/today-i-welcome-migraine.html).

To return to the whole migraine and menstruation issue here the quote will likely make more sense now:
"I have shown that menstruation, and especially dysmenorrhoea, produce collaemia (uric acid in the blood)…"page 621
Menstruation is thus commonly accompanied by a lowered acidity, plus excretion of uric acid, and the effects of its excess in the blood, and mental depression, and if there is much uric acid in reserve more or less severe headache…may occur."
page 246

What I take this to mean for me is that during menstruation there is uric acid circulating in the blood causing the migraines, and period cramps, and when I'm not actively menstruating it's causing me inflammation, stomach upsets, joint issues, muscle tensions etc.

I now understand better the tension and pain in my jaw, neck and shoulders during and after a migraine attack. I always thought that the pain itself was fully responsible for this, now I see that it may be partly due to local uric acid suspension. This also explains my overall inability to "relax" my muscles. To think of them as poisoned by uric acid makes a lot of sense to me. All bodily muscles are tense for me. They can not relax, it's a physical impossibility for me. Now I might have an explanation for this.

I was interested to see that Dr Haig saw a connection between not only dysmenorrhoes, but also to menorrhagia (excessive bleeding) which has also been a life long problem for me. Many women with endometriosis can only use baby dippers cause normal pads are not effective enough to deal with the heavy bleeding. Though I never went that far, I have spent my days complaining about how no menstrual pads were ever big enough to cover the bleeding in any effective way and I've accepted to only use black sheets.

This explains also neatly why when I got my first period my body for the very first time began to release any excess uric acid into my blood stream giving me my very first migraine. This pattern has followed me now for 27 years and I'm over the moon excited to see if I can break it by becoming a non legume consuming vegetarian.

I have tried being a vegetarian before but then I always would exchange the meats for legumes, thus continuing the problem. I also took prescription pain medication when I was a vegetarian so I wouldn't have noticed any smaller change in the intesnity of my period cramps because you take the medication at "first sign" of menstruation, not when you feel pain, by then it's too late and pain meds won't work, and my migraines always continued to be chronic.

Uric Acid Basics

2010-12-03T14:56:00.000-08:00

It is my understanding that when the body is alkaline it can get rid of uric acid very easily. When the body is acidic it holds onto uric acid and the person may get "uric acid poisoning". One solution to making the body more alkali is to give up eating all animal meats and protein and to become a vegetarian for life. Milk and cheese is ok to eat. (Again all quotes in this blog post are from the book "Uric Acid as a factor in the Causation of Disease" by Alexander Haig, 1892).

"a vegetarian diet diminishes the acidity of the urine and, I believe, increases the alkalinity of the blood." pate 38

Apparently it is also good to be eating substances that increase the solubility of uric acid from the tissues cause it helps it leave the body like potatoes and fruits.

"Eat lots of fruits and vegetables, with each meal, potatoes, 2 apples after each meal. Eat milk and vegetables. Avoid albumens (egg whites). Avoid eating: meat, meat extracts, soup, tea, coffee, eggs, fish, mushrooms, asparagus, cocoa, guarana."
page 792

Surprisingly to me, Dr Haig notes that drinking lots of water is not helpful in cases of uric acid poisoning.
"..it is very little use to give large quantities of water, for it gets through the kidney just when it is not wanted, and it cannot get throughout the kidney when it is wanted…"page 862
"excess water, ie beyond thirst, is harmful and not helpful". page 862
"I have thus come to look upon water drinking for the cure of uric acid diseases as practically useless". page 863

Also, he points out that if you have high blood pressure the more water you drink the more dangerous it is…page 863.
For me it seems the edema on my legs is better since I reduced my drinking or water and herbal tea.

Uric acid poisoning may be caused by three things:
1, too much purine foods
2, too much nitrogen
3, bad excretion of the uric acid.

Haig says that it takes 18-24 months of the uric-acid-free diet to get the uric acid levels to be low enough to not cause a problem anymore.

Haig also writes that exercise is good in reducing uric acid and even in improving metabolism:
"Exercise...which tends to reduce the acidity by loss of acids in perspiration" page 29
"Regular exercise, short of fatigue, should be extremely useful…it stimulates and increases metabolism" page 863
"everything that clears the blood of uric acid quickens metabolism..." page 39

For us who are still too weak to exercise a lot he writes that massage is a good option:
"Where surroundings or the condition of the patient prevent satisfactory exercise, massage, which is, in many respects equivalent to exercise, may be taken its place…" page 864

There is also some connection between uric acid and body temperature that I am still not fully understanding:

"uric acid controls the distribution of heat, and reason will be given later for believing that is also controls heat formation. page 35

I am sure I will learn much more as I continue to read about this topic and struggle to find a way to becoming vegetarian despite my strong dairy intolerance.

There is also a cookbook that was founded on the work of Dr Haig. I just got a copy online and am looking forward to getting it. It's called:

The Apsley Cookery Book: Containing 448 Recipes For The Uric-Acid-Free-Diet (1905)

My big challenge is in how to become a non-legume-eating vegetarian that is unfortunately allergic to dairy. My motivation has never been bigger though. The risk reward seems to be in my favor for sure. Then again, I may well become a vegetarian and then develop some other issues instead and in addition to all of this, finding out that it's super dangerous just as I did three years too late regarding the low carb diet, but I still think this is my best bet. I'm frankly out of other ideas. My CP sure isn't improving one bit.

Interestingly though, Dr Haig's conclusions go hand in hand with Buteyko's research results, that animal meats are not healthy and that being a vegetarian/vegan is best. Also, they agree that over-eating and over drinking is not good. Especially not In the long run. I think most of us actually under-eat though and a temporary overeating like RRARF may be very important in healing an impaired metabolism. Haig points out that it's dangerous to under-eat too though.

I don't know why everyone doesn't get uric acid poisoning though? But as seen in my previous post, it may have something to do with a weakness of the kidneys. It seems to me that most people eat pretty heavy animal meat based diets. Also, the traditional people Wetson A Price studied all ate lots of meat apparently. At least the majority of the groups. I think it's probably due to people like me having weak kidneys or the fact that we all have such low CPs today? Then again by the turn of the century most people had at least a CP of 40 seconds, and clearly they suffered from uric acid poisoning back then too.

The riddle is far from solved but I feel like I have a better clue now as to what direction to head in.

I'm just trying to dig myself out of this whole I've gotten into. I can now barely tolerate one drop of milk per day, but I will get there over time.

More research on Uric Acid and the Vegetarian Diet

2010-12-03T14:46:00.000-08:00

I just came across another book from 1915 by a doctor who did some experiments on putting people on a low vs high purine diet. It's interesting to note that a healthy person does not get any problems with high uric acid from consuming a high purine diet. This would perhaps explain why many healthy people can eat meats including why the Eskimos and other traditional groups were able to. However, people with weak kidneys are not so lucky.

I know that when I went to a Buddhist monk in Santa Monica called Dr Wu for acupuncture and herbal treatments about 9 years ago, he said that he thought my kidneys were weak. I guess he was right. In the end he refused to continue working with me though cause I wasn't improving. He said he could not help me. That was after ten months of not paying bills due to the high medical costs of this acupuncture treatment. One of my very first failed treatmetns. I wish he'd told me back then to go vegetarian cause the it would have been easy for me since I could tolerate dairy then, and I was so much stronger than I am today.

"it is evident that in normal individuals it is possible to feed large amounts of purine-contain- ing food without increasing the uric acid content of the blood".
page 148 W. Denis "The Effect of Ingested Purines on the Uric Acid Content of the Blood", 1915

"As was to be expected the experiments presented in Table II show that in the case of individuals with impaired kidney function high purine feeding causes an increase in the uric acid content of the blood".
page 150 W. Denis "The Effect of Ingested Purines on the Uric Acid Content of the Blood", 1915

How I got Uric Acid Poisoning!

2010-12-03T14:26:00.000-08:00

I found this online today regarding uric acid poisoning. No wonder I developed joint issues after being low carb. I HATE low carb diets! I repeat, it was the worst mistake I ever did. Now I'm in deep trouble and am struggling to get out of it....

"A ketogenic diet impairs the ability of the kidney to excrete uric acid, due to competition for transport between uric acid and ketones.[8]"
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hyperuricemia

I was always told that it's not dangerous to be ketogenic. Clearly that's not true. Unless you consider the use of your hands to be optional.

"A very low calorie diet without carbohydrate can induce extreme hyperuricemia (uric acid poisoning);"

The metabolic syndrome often presents with hyperuricemia.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hyperuricemia

It seems to me that I've had issues with uric acid from an early age, however after the low carb diet these issues became so much worse.

Dr Haig also had something interesting to say about low carb diets:

"Now the effect of cutting off the carbohydrates from the diet is in many cases to prevent a more or less troublesome form of dyspepsia which is due to the imperfect digestion and eventual fermentation of starchy food in the stomach and intestines. And it is easy to show that anything that causes gastrointestinal dyspepsia must also bring about collaemia (uric acid in the blood) and further surcharge the blood with uric acid, producing high blood pressure, congestion of the liver and other troubles commonly associate with an attack of migraine. Here we see that the treatment advocated by dr Hare does no by any means act in the manner that he suggests, but owes its influence merely to the prevention of dyspepsia and of the collaemia which is secondary to this." page 433 "Uric Acid as a factor in the Causation of Disease" Alexander Haig, 1892.

"…and most unfortunately of all for Dr Hare's explanation the bilious attack with high blood pressure, headache and cocoutitand congestion of the liver can be absolutely and completely cured by living on a uric-acid-free diet […]…without any alteration of the carbohydrates in the food." page 434 "Uric Acid as a factor in the Causation of Disease" Alexander Haig, 1892.

"The cure produced, on the other hand, by Dr Hare's restriction of carbohydrates is of necessity merely a temporary one, for the blood is cleared of uric acid by the uric acid which he is pouring in (a pure meat diet has long been known to do all this) and this condition can only last for a short time and will do no permanent good, for in the end the collaemia, the biliousness, and the congestion of the liver will be worse than before, as the result of the increased introduction of uric acid. On the other hand, the cure produced by a uric-acid-free diet is permanent so long as the diet is continued." page 434 "Uric Acid as a factor in the Causation of Disease" Alexander Haig, 1892.

Major Breakthrough

2010-12-02T16:56:00.001-08:00

OK so, it's not all news to me that uric acid is an issue in my body and life. However, I've been reading more about it and the more I read the more amazed I become over the potential this may hold for me.

To my big surprise I have learned that there is a clear connection between migraine, depression, joint issues, uric acid and last but not least: menstrual cramps!!!!! This is pretty much what sums me up! I'm so excited about this!

Until yesterday I wasn't 100% sure that it was uric acid that was what was causing the problems with my joints. It was possibly not simple gout but potentially a matter of an inflammatory arthritis that had nothing to do with uric acid, or so I thought at least. Now that I know more and have had some additional personal experiences, my belief in uric acid being one of my main problems is stronger than ever.

I know from previous experience that when I fruit fast for a day I wake up the following morning able to bend the fingers on both hands. Seemingly temporarily cured overnight. However, I can't sustain myself on fruits only partly due to my hypoglycemia issues.

This Thanks Giving I had the opposite experience. I decided to be "nice" to myself and be less rigid in my rules, so I allowed for a higher intake of protein in the form of turkey. SO yummy. I also had cranberries (super acidic which I didn't know…) and even a cup of decaf coffee to really celebrate! (Coffee is a huge problem as far as uric acid goes).

The following two days I was unable to use either of my hands due to the joints being so stiff. The right hand was actually stiff the entire day, not just for a few hours in the morning. This of course led me to feel very depressed wondering what my life would look like if I can't use my hands? How will I go back to school? How will I ever support myself again? I was also facing the fact that I may have to give up the last and most hard earned of my health "achievements", the fact that I've stayed prescription drug free all these years, despite all my pain and other issues. I realized that I may have to get on heavy steroids and/or anti-inflammatory medication to cope and to minimize the permanent damage arthritis can otherwise cause my joint tissue.

The I went back to read this big monster book on uric acid that I got a hold of this summer but felt too overwhelmed to read until now. It's a 900 pages long medical book that was first published in 1892 called
"Uric Acid as a factor in the Causation of Disease" by Alexander Haig, 1892.

LINK TO THE FREE ONLINE BOOK:

Thank you medical library for keeping a copy of this book! What may have been forgotten by modern medicine has been kept thanks to this library.

I had felt previously that medical science must have developed so much more since 1892 that I wondered "what could this volume possibly have as far as useful information"? But the more I read, the more I am taken with the work of this doctor. I have developed the outmost respect for Dr Haig who dedicated his entire career and life to the detailed study of uric acid. He was obsessed with it and he did the hard work and kept detailed journals. He was all about clinical analysis and I love that cause it saves me the job and it takes me out of the "shooting in the dark" place I otherwise am confined to. As limited as I assume he was at that time, he did have the tools necessary to study uric acid, such as litmus paper for example. He was also fully motivated because he began his research journey trying to cure his own migraines.

Today there are so many medical theories out there it's kind of hard to know where to put once focus and there are so many medications and issues within the body are treated separately today whereas Haig looked at many different symptoms and saw their interconnectedness.

As a typical example, I went to a migraine doctor about 20 years ago and got a prescription for my chronic migraines, but that doctor didn't ask me about menstrual cramps, depression or anything else, nor did she recommend any dietary changes or even mention the words "uric acid" etc. She may or may not have been aware of uric acid but I just got my prescription of beta blockers and went back to work - with the strange sensation of my heart beating slower that it ever had before due to the medication. I discontinued the use of it the following day more comfortable living with chronic migraine than a slow beating heart. One part of my problems was looked at individually. Then whenever I went to the gynecologist, this doctor likewise never asked me about migraines, depressions or muscle tensions, she just noted "dysmenorrhoea" (menstrual cramps) and gave me another prescription for a pain medication. Now, 27 years later after intensive daily studies for the last 12 years on my life, I find out that these symptoms are all interconnected and what connects them is: uric acid.

From my perspective, I have had to live with both symptoms. For me they were never separated. What's more, my migraines had started a few weeks after I got my first period. (It was an event I will never forget. The first attack being the worst I'd ever experience in severity and length lasting three days and nights nonstop. I was totally confused, barely able to speak and not understanding what was happening to me. I knew something was strange cause I was allowed, this one time in my life, to sleep alone in my parents bedroom without them there. To this day I don't know where they slept?)

The timing of the onset was always an important clue to me and one I was never before satisfied with the explanations doctors and others gave me. The doctors all just said 'it's hormonal". Of course there is likely truth to that explanation, but why then didn't every little girl I knew also get chronic migraine when their menses started? I was met with the same explanation regarding my period cramps, "it's hormonal". Again I wondered why were not all my girlfriends crying and moaning with agony in bed and throwing up and/or having a severe diarrhea due to the digestive upsets the first day of their periods each month?

Also, why have I heard so many women with endometriosis complain about their terrible migraines, and severe digestive problems that always follow their cycles. Why is it that I myself every month, no matter what I do, always, always get an intense migraine attack the day after the onset of my period?

With all that in mind, you might imagine my amazement as I stumbled upon this strong connection between my menstrual cramps, migraines and uric acid, and Dr Haig even explains why the onset of migraine often comes with the onset of menses.

I'm actually in awe and I'm chocked. For 27 long years of wondering, of feeling the painful symptoms, of guessing, of theorizing, thinking perhaps my onset of migraines and menses together had something to do with moving at that age, or of other emotionally stressful events at that time causing psychosomatic symptoms, and now I see the writings of this doctor explaining the connection to me in a way that has never felt more correct nor obvious. He knew it 100 years before me. I learn it now.

So, after my long hype up, have a look at this (all quotes in this blog post refers to the above linked to book by Dr Haig):

"menstruation lowers acidity and produces collaemia (uric acid in the blood) and a plus excretion of uric acid." page 695

That right there sums it all up. Below is the longer explanation though:

"The relation of headache to menstruation is clear, for menstruation is almost always a cause of some little disturbance of function, which often specially affects the digestive organs, so that food is taken badly or badly digested and exercise is generally deficient.
Several of these causes combined produce some failure of nutrition, with a fall of urea and a corresponding fall of acidity, and this is the signal for any retained uric acid to be got into solution and flood the blood. Menstruation is thus commonly accompanied by a lowered acidity, plus excretion of uric acid, and the effects of its excess in the blood, and mental depression, and if there is much uric acid in reserve more or less severe headache…may occur."
page 246

That indirectly explains why uric acid may be too high before menses but no migraines may be present. When menses occur, alkalinity follows and collaemia then happens perhaps for the first time in a person's life, and a migraine will follow.

The reason I believe this over the medical doctors and over the natural healers who told me it was due to a weakness of the liver, or candida or psychosomatic issues is because the herbs or acupuncture or 15 years in therapy never helped, and the prescription drugs never solved the issue. This on the other hand I can feel it working, and fast too. Last month I happened to eat only egg whites for protein the week right before my menses. I know this cause I kept a careful food journal in an attempt to figure out what foods effect my joints. To my surprise my period cramps were the best they have been in my entire life (without medication). I though it was confusing and that perhaps I had just been more psychologically resilient to the pain experience this month. But the uric acid connection makes a lot more logical sense.

My uric acid symptoms are immediately measurable: when I eat only fruits, my joints heal overnight, when I eat lots of turkey I loose the function of both hands overnight, when I don't eat animal protein with a meal, I get a migraine, when I get my period, always accompanied with dysmehorrhoea and digestive upsets, I also get a migraine, when I eat strictly egg whites the week before my period, the cramps are better than ever. In short, my body responds to these old theories. The theories also make sense to me and I am offered a fairly simple and very natural solution, a direction to help cure me of many of my ills: that of becoming a vegetarian. Easier said than done of curse, cause nothing is ever going to be easy, but I'm determined to succeed and I feel that I've got nothing to loose. It's just going to be tricky trying to do it without milk products. I also wish that I wasn't trying to do this alone, but I am. I'll have to be careful though:
"The fall of urea...was due to making milk my only animal food without due care in replacing the nitrogen thus dropped, and experiment I advice no one to repeat." page 31

And I'll have to take it slow:
"The fist thing to be done is to improve digestion, to increase appetite and feed upon, to diminish the anaemia with tonics, as iodide and iron….anything and everything that will improve appetite, digestion, nutrition and the blood condition." page 783

And I must remember the fundamentals of RRARF and be sure to continue to eat a lot:
"It must be remembered that chronic under-feeding and deficiency of food may lead to collapse and heart failure." page 204
"Such heart failure is specially likely to be met with in those who under feed on first changing diet, for here there is acertain to be more or less collaemia, which throws additional strain on the heart." page 204

Interestingly enough, I would have never learned this about uric acid had I not developed this severe joint issues. Again, I have to thank my body for communicating with me and pushing me further than I ever would have dreamed of going on my own, and where sadly no doctors go anymore.

The topic of uric acid is so vast, interesting and important I will explain my current understanding of it in a couple of separate blog post to avoid making this one too long. It's already my longest blog post, I think.

Health Obsessions

2010-11-25T11:35:00.000-08:00

"My goal is to help people get some results with the minimal amount of effort, time, and thought. Many other health authors and bloggers seem to think that the average Joe is just as obsessed as they are, and that making their lives revolve completely around health stuff is perfectly acceptable. No it ain't." 

The quote above was written by Matt Stone of 180 Degree Health. He's one of the very few health blogger/healer people who includes a significant focus on living life, on holding on to normalcy, on the importance of not being in a "no man's land" of health routines where you are cut off from regular society including work and a social life.

Although I still think that it's better to be in this health regime prison than to be in the prison of chronic pain, I see now that a more optimal option would be to find some sort of balance; to be able to live a somewhat normal life that includes taking good care of health, eating well, meditating sometimes, exercising sometimes, and resting but also working, playing and being a part of regular life.

I'm not even quite sure what "regular life" means anymore. It's been so long since I engaged in it. At the same time, I feel guilty to ask for so much - both health and a normal life - because I know so many others are suffering so much more than I am. However, part of what I'm doing, part of what makes my journey meaningful to me, is my grand goal of one day finding a way out of this maze, and in doing so help show the way to many others who suffer more than me. I made it out of chronic pain, can I make it all the way to living a normal life again?

Perhaps it's a sign that I am beginning to get really strong and healthy that I am able to think grandiose thoughts about having a normal life again? I'm not sure if I'm just getting "greedy", wanting more than to be free from pain but still stuck in a health routine prison? All I know is that I do want more. I want a normal life again. I know it's asking a lot, but I think that if I don't try to reach that goal, I risk being stuck here in Drill-Sergeant-iron-routine-fear-based-health-prison forever. I have been told that you have to "ask in order to receive", and I'm asking: Free me from this health prison I've ended up in, and let me live a normal life again.

Real Bodies - Real struggles

2010-11-22T10:44:00.000-08:00

Have a look at this image that I found on Lisa Sargese's excellent health blog:

It's so similar to how my body looks or feels now. It's a new kind of body for me that I don't recognize as my own. It's very encouraging though to see an image like this. A real life other woman who's body looks similar to mine, and who -like me- falls within the range of what is considered overweight and not attractive, but who is clearly stunningly beautiful. We never get to see women's bodies looking like this in regular media and we sure need it. So many of us suffer from insulin resistance and low leptin levels and have bodies like this person's.

That being said, I don't like my new body. Not one bit. Not only because I feel this deep shame over myself, perpetuated by no one understanding why I'm not just "eating less and exercising more", but also because it's very hard to move around in this new body. It's hard and uncomfortable for example to do backbends in yoga class due to the fat folding over itself. It's hard to bend over forward if I drop something on the ground. I feel heavy and tired and none of my clothes fit. I bought a few new tops and jeans but I don't have a whole wardrobe filled with options anymore. It's a challenge this new body. However, I do believe that it's necessary to accept this weight gain in order to heal the metabolism fully.

The hard part for me is being patient. Patiently waiting for increased energy, vitality and life joy, less pain and other symptoms of poor health, and yes, ultimately patently waiting for less excess body fat. I'm ok to never be "thin" again, but at least I want to feel good. So far, I'm feeling bad and looking bad. I have so much faith though. It may be blind faith, but I need it. Week 33 is coming up in February. Only 4 more months to go before I reach my peak in fat gain. I guess the majority of the waiting is behind me. 6 months down, 4 more to go.

Om Mani Padme Hum

2010-11-13T11:12:00.000-08:00

"May I open my heart to compassion"

For many years I've been attracted to the healing powers of mantras. I guess as a musician, vocalist and a very aurally oriented personality it was natural for me to turn to chanting.

Early on I came across the mantra Om Mani Padme Hum. If you've listened to my electronica group Techno Squirrels you'll know my love for this mantra. I decided then, about 6 years ago that when I've fully healed I'll tattoo this mantra on my arm. However, I'm still not close to being healed so the tattoo will have to wait a little longer.

I recently got in contact with the Buteyko Center USA and I got their MP3 download and spoke with Thomas Yakovlev-Fredricksen. They teach the method "slightly" differently than my previous teacher Christopher Drake. And by slightly I mean significantly. I am currently trying out their version of the Method. I still do breath holds but instead of the 80 second long Maximum Pauses I used to do, I now do 2 seconds. The experience is like night and day. The 80s MPs caused pain, discomfort, panic and tension followed by intense hyperventilation. The 2 s holds cause a sense of life slowing down, a sense that there is no hurry, and a sense of actual relaxation, something I otherwise consider myself incapable of. On top of that I get to listen to none other than the above described mantra Om Mani Padme Hum. Dr Buteyko found that this mantra reduces breathing. No wonder I was drawn to this years ago, long before I was aware of my hyperventilation. As always though, I like variation, my monkey brain is still in control here so I also listen to the following Tibetan Chants audio chanted by the Buddhist monk Lama Tashi:

I love deep notes and have been blow away with this type of chanting - I think it's called throat chanting - since I first heard it a few years back. It's deeply healing and intense and causes me to actually look forward to my breathing sessions. Also, I only have to sit in "Buteyko prison" 3 times per day now, an improvement over the 4 earlier sittings. Freeedom!!! Yay! lol. Overall this more gentle approach including mantras makes the Buteyko method more like meditation and less like torture. Also, so far no nightmarish cleansing reactions. Fingers crossed this will help me reduce my hyperventilation.

Strange enough I've felt more compassion than ever since starting to repeat this mantra. I still don't chant out loud due to my hyperventilation, but I can still repeat the mantra silently in my mind. I have also slept like a stone for the first time in years. This is both good and bad. Good cause I finally get some rest, bad cause I wake up with a CP of about 2 seconds. I always had the chance to sit up and do some breath holds before when I was awake, now I'm just out and the hyperventilation can take over fully. Hopefully it's something that will improve quickly.

Following Old Traditions of Breathing Less

2010-10-30T19:29:00.000-07:00

"The only true healing is self healing."
Chinese saying

I'm struggling with the Buteyko method and all other things I'm doing. It seems nothing is working. I feel like spider man stuck in some kind of web where the harder I work, the weaker I become.
I do believe in the old, deep wisdom of the basic Buteyko ideas that breathing less improves health. He's certainly not the first one to come up wiht this idea. It's something that human beings have been striving for for ages. I came across both the quotes in this blog on the Buteyko Center USA's website. I've been taking some excellent free seminars over at their website and can really recommend it. This method is difficult to master I can say that much. I've been doing the work for a whole year now without any health improvements, part from a little less rhinitis, but I think I've been doing it wrong. At the website I think I finally learned how to take a proper CP and mine is closer to 15 than 20 seconds. That would make sense judging from how bad I feel. It's also crushing to be at a 15 seconds CP after a year of dedicating my life to this method. I call it my Buteyko prison. I hope I'll be free from it one day and that my CP somehow miraculously will begin to rise.

"One of the goals of Indian yoga, for example Pranayama, is to breathe less. A fundamental meditation in Tibetan Buddhism, which is called Shine (Peace), train the meditator to switch from heavy to shallow breathing. Japanese samurais had another interesting tradition: they would put a feather under one's nose and breathe on it. If the feather moved, that person would be dismissed from being a samurai. Russian Orthodox Saints recommended to their disciples to reduce breathing during prayer. They believed this would bring them closer to the divine."  

http://www.buteykocenterusa.com/buteyko_asthma.html#a4

Psychosomatic Illness

2010-10-29T17:16:00.000-07:00

"It's okay to fall short of your goals if you're doing the best that you can."
http://depression.about.com

Though I've had some successes and I've seen some real progress in my health since I began my journey so many years ago, it's generally been an uphill battle. I feel like whenever I put out one fire, another one starts right behind me. Overall, I've been failing in healing myself. I still suffer from daily, multiple, difficult and distressing symptoms. It's been over ten long, painful years of daily struggle to free myself from this suffering, and yet, none of the diets and treatments have worked. Not even the psychotherapy.

When I cured my clinical depression as a 26 year old, my migraine left my world permanently with it, even though I had done nothing to try to heal it. Or I should say, I'd tried prescription medication, acupuncture and herbs but none of it had helped me one bit. Then as my genius psychologist at the time Ursula Grönberg totally cured me from depression (in a week btw), I was automatically, effortlessly relieved of my chronic migraines as well. I was surprised in many ways, but also not at all surprised.

I had always instinctively knows there was that body mind connection for me. I remembered one of my teachers saying once that "My migraines were cured once I moved away from Argentina." His words really stuck to my mind and I knew that my situation and solution regarding migraines would have to be similar. Years later I got to experience that longed for quantum leap of healing that Deepak Chopra speaks about in his book Quantum Healing, and my migraines have not ruled my life since. Of course during these last few years I have seen the slow return of the occasional migraine attack, but it's far from the daily cloud of pain I used to live under.

Still though, as aware as I am of these processes, I've been working for years to solve the body mind connection as regards to my endometriosis and other symptoms. However, I have still not been able to find the rainbow connection again. Deepak Chopra hasn't found it either. Meditation does nothing for me and I know I'm not alone. 15 years if additional therapy has not solved it either. There is no more clinical depression to heal from. I am so sure that I somatise though. That my endometriosis and all other symptoms are expressions of inner emotional stress and sufferings that have turned into real diseases (I'm not talking hypocondria here, unfortunately...I'd LOVE for all of this to be strictly in my mind...but it's very real and measurable in laboratory tests etc). The process is all too mysterious and subconscious for me or anyone else to be able to create a system that truly cures the root problem. If I figure it out one day I'll let you all know and I'll email Deepak Chopra too. Even Buteyko it seems, as worthy of a Nobel Price as he is, can not overturn the powers of psychosomatic illness.

Between a rock and a hard place

2010-10-25T10:29:00.000-07:00

I developed gout recently. It seems I have a problem with my kidneys not being able to get uric acid out of my body. So, Matt Stone from 180Degree Health suggested I try one day of fruit fasting and when I did, my gout almost disappeared. I was able to bend my fingers almost all the way the morning after my fast.

However, the next day eating protein again, the gout came back. Not able to bend the right hand fingers anymore. The problem is that I feel dreadful and dizzy when I eat only fruits, or fast in any other way, so, clearly my long term solution can't be to eat fruits only.

I can't be a vegetarian cause I can't digest any dairy protein. I can't be vegan cause I feel dizzy when I try it. I'm super allergic to all soy products but that might not even matter cause all beans and lentils have lots of purines in them too so I might as well eat animal meats...ie it wouldn't solve the uric acid problem, only dairy is low enough in purines apparently to not cause a uric acid problem. Plus, I question the long term metabolic wisdom of being vegan....So, I feel kind of stuck.

I can't be vegan or vegetarian, and I can't tolerate to eat animal protein. I guess I either have to live on no protein and risk damaging my metabolism. Or I have to continue to eat purines, live with the gout symptoms and risk ruining my kidneys. Also, I'm temporarily cutting our grains too cause they seem to make the gout worse as well, so I can't use grains as my protein source.

I've tried drinking cat's claw, nettle, and pau d'arco teas but they don't seem to help. I've tried drinking lots of lemon, some baking soda, vitamin C, saffron and strawberries after meals. Nothing.

I'm definitely stuck between a rock and a hard place.

The Mosquito Lesson

2010-10-24T09:41:00.000-07:00

So the other night a mosquito kept me awake by flying next to my ear and waking me with a loud bzzzzzz. I put on ear plugs but I could still hear the little stubborn insect flying by my ear. I knew it would be like looking for a needle in a haystack getting up trying to hunt it down, so I accepted the situation and began doing some breathing exercises (VSB and short 5 second breath holds). Come morning I was still awake doing my breath work.

As I sat up at 6 to get ready to go to my new volunteer work I figured I'd be so tired I would not be able to do a good job or even function very well that day. My CP measured at 25 seconds thanks to my all night breathing session. To my amazement and surprise I was less tired and more focused that I've been in years this day. I can only guess that it's cause my CP was "high", for me at least. Usually when I can't sleep due to my regular insomnia I'm like a walking zombie the day after, and always fall asleep for a nap later in the day. But this day all day, I was filled with energy and felt rather OK. I didn't even think to take a nap in the afternoon.

I believe now that the little mosquito had something important and valuable to teach me. I think it was a messenger to let me know that at a CP of 25 seconds, I too can feel better. :) Also, I realized that I can reach that level of CP, despite my inflammation, it just takes an amazing amount of work on my part. I read in Artour Rakhimov's "The Big Book" that the patients/students at Buteyko's Russian clinic would spend 3-4 hours per day doing breath work. And I thought I was working hard with my 1 hour total daily breath work.

A New Resolve

2010-10-24T09:32:00.001-07:00

"Help us to appreciate our struggles and challenges as opportunities to grow"
-Prayer by Lisa Sargese

A few days ago there was some kind of transformation. I suddenly, without any apparent reason went from feeling helpless and doubtful about the Buteyko method and my prospects at ever succeeding in it, to feeling a stronger resolve than ever that I can do do this, I can make the Buteyko method work for me. I may just have to work even harder.

I then began to take control, to take back my power. I began to experiment with the different modules. I did Very Shallow Breathing VSBs only for a few days and this offered me both a little break, an opportunity to test what works for me, and it gave me the motivation back to do the four sittings per day. The VSBs were more meditative and relaxing. There was no stress on the system. However, my CP plummeted back down to 17 seconds tops. So, today I returned to MPs. I plan on keeping them relatively short, like only twice the length of the CP. I realize now that despite me feeling stuck at 20 second CP, it's a way, way, way better place to be than down at 17 seconds.

I also took a morning walk again in the rain. It felt so wonderful to meet the elements, get chilled down and feel like a human that is more connected to nature. I'm back to fighting. That's what I do best and although I don't know for sure I can succeed, since there are no guarantees in this life, but I have strong resolve and I'm ready to put in the hard work.

I also know that I'll have to work on all my inflammation. It seems that inflammation is what's preventing my CP from going up. Fixing inflammation though is easier said than done, I've tried that for the last ten years. But for now I'll just have to work like crazy to keep my CP at 20 seconds. That's where I'm at and it's worth working for.

Belly Fat, Belly Fat, What are they feeding you?

2010-10-22T15:39:00.001-07:00

For best results; title should be hummed with the melody of Phoebe Buffet's "Smelly Cat...."

So, in dealing with my issues surrounding my belly fat I've had a lot of support from the 180DegreeHealth latest blog posts and community comments. Belly fat seems to be an inevitable part of the healing journey. It's a huge challenge for me. Not only is it hard to feel self love with a big belly like this, it's also hard practically to re-learn how to dress in a way that is reasonable comfortable and that doesn't highlight the belly. I find it very difficult to bend down if I drop something on the floor and many bends in yoga class are just super difficult to get deep into cause the body fat prevents me from bending as much as I'd like to. I guess it's a lot like being pregnant. After all I'm probably carrying about 15 pounds of suddenly added weight on my belly alone. It's not easy and totally new territory for me. Having been underweight my whole life I had no idea how difficult and uncomfortable it is with a lot of extra body fat around. I also don't recognize my body as me, I don't feel like it's my body anymore. It's a very strange experience.

I also feel doubt regarding my own perceptions and what theory to trust, as I've discussed before. Cause what if I'm wrong? What is the below theory is wrong and I'll be stuck with all my health problems PLUS a big bear belly? I'll be able to tell you a year from now I guess.

The basic theory goes like this, and it's taken from a comment on the 180DegreeHealth website:

What's important to note is the sequence, and understand it.
  1) Dieting makes body shed fat first.   [Dieting can be cutting out carbs or fat or any other micronutrient group]
2) Body panics at food shortage, sheds lots of muscle tissue and slows down metabolism  
3) Body primes itself for restoring fat levels for safety  
4) Stop dieting, body fat returns first, mostly in the abdomen where it's most needed to fuel vital organs during famine  
5) Body fat becomes plentiful, body's feeling good and safe  
6) Body increases metabolic rate and rebuilds lost muscle tissue  
7) Body fat levels decrease

Hopefully this is correct and I'll heal over time and also get a body that is more cooperative and easier to dress and love. lol....
As a side note, I never dieted to loose weight, I dieted to try to get rid of candida. I didn't get rid of candida, but instead I now gained weight as a result of the low carb diet. I didn't even realize it was low in calories and I didn't loose weight on it, I was just always too thin and I guess my body was just lacking in the carb area and that was enough to activate the metabolic syndrome and starvation situation.....

CP of Traditional/Native/Primitive People

2010-10-20T17:14:00.000-07:00

So, I finally found my reference to my theory that primitive people must have had one minute Control Pauses in "The Big Book" by Russian Buteyko teacher and writer Artour Rakhimov. I thought so since Weston A Price wrote that the children he saw with crooked teeth all were mouth breathers, and George Catlin said it was common practice to nose breathe among the native American people he visited. It turns out I was right in guessing primitive/native/traditional people had a high CP, but it's always good to have it confirmed by a specialist source such as Artour Rakhimov's Big Book. If only Weston A Price had known about the CP back in the 1930s, he could have included it in his great and widely spread work "Nutrition and Physical Degeneration", but it would be 20 more years before the CP was invented by Dr Buteyko. Below is the list of CPs that includes traditional/native/primitive people.

0 s - death
1-5 s - very sick (usually hospitalised) people
5-30 s - modern population burdened with chronic degenerative conditions
40-60 s - few contemporary people and people living about a century ago
1-3 minutes - primitive people
3-10 minutes - hatha yoga masters and many hibernating animals
2-150 minutes - diving animals (including aquatic mammals, such as whales and seals) and all creatures and animals
living from 5 to .5 billion years ago.

-page 265 The Big Book by Artour Rakhimov

I've been reading parts of Artour Rakhimov's fantastic book on the Buteyko Method. It's a long book so I'm still working on it, but it's the best resource out there in my opinion. It really describes the Buteyko method is deep detail and it's very instructional and helpful in every way. I read it when I need to motivate myself to do the daily exercises. I learned that in Buteyko's clinic patients would sometimes practice for 3-4 hours per day and sometimes every hour. It makes my four 30 minute sittings seem easy. lol. Artour is a great help to the Buteyko breathing community including myself.

Become a real Mermaid

2010-10-18T14:30:00.000-07:00

Yoga and PTSD

2010-10-18T11:45:00.000-07:00

"Yoga helps regulate emotional and physiological states. It allows the body to regain its natural movement
and teaches the use of breath for self-regulation."

Below is a great article about how yoga can help against PTSD. I read a few years back that it's been shown to help people in India who suffered from PTSD from the Tsunami.

Dr Besser, who is interviewed in the article below seems to have a great and deep understanding of the paralysis of PTSD and how it's stuck in the body memory. It's worth noting that Dr Bessel himself clearly has got a narrow upper palate - just like me (judging from him having crooked teeth). I believe that the narrow palate will press on the pituitary gland in the brain causing constant inner stress. I have this problem too, as I've blogged about many times, and I'm certain it is contributing to my PTSD issues.

For me personally I am sure yoga has been helping me with my PTSD, this is why I miss my practice so much; for the mental and emotional benefits of asanas. It's the only thing I have ever know to help me sense the body mind connection and to directly strengthen it. I've never experienced any uncomfortable emotional feelings during yoga, but I have often cried by the end of class from the physical and emotional release it offers me. This is a very positive experience though of deep healing release. Though definitely socially awkward, I imagine not many people notice my emotions, and I know it's common for others to cry too after class so at least I'm not the only one.

I always said that yoga for me is more mental than it is physical (as much as I struggle in class with the physical aspect of the practice). Yoga class is the only time that I'm not stuck in my thoughts because I'm fully occupied dealing with the physical pain and discomfort of getting through the asanas. It's such a deep relief for someone who is generally stuck in her head all day long. However, as I've been blogging about lately, for the last year my physical body has not been cooperating with me enough to allow me a regular ansana practice. I was able to start my practice, but then I got my period cramps and I'm still recovering from that so I've not been able to return to class and it's so frustrating. I also still struggle with my hands hurting intensely in classes too. Not sure why it's so difficult for me to be allowed to engage in my practice. I try to think of it as pushing me towards the inner type yoga, but that is not as helpful for me. I need something really drastic to pull me out of my thoughts, meditation is not able to do that for me, only asanas can. I love that Dr Bessel is aware that meditation is not a great place to start for many with PTSD. Restorative yoga is also a closed door for me due to my breathing issues and possibly also because it's more meditative in it's nature. I know that long breath holds are very helpful in moments of fear or anxiety and it even helps me with anger issues.

To try to further my breath work and perhaps increase my physical strength too, I joined a swimming pool today after I finally found a salt water one (no chlorine for me). Hopefully lap-diving will help me get to a point where I can finally get back to my asana practice and even get a higher CP. When diving with dolphins this spring for 30 minutes my CP shot up to 35 seconds a few hours later. So, again here's to hoping. I'm all about hoping. :)

http://www.traumacenter.org/clients/MagInside.Su09.p12-13.pdf

"the job of the Yoga teacher is to help people to feel safe in every aspect of their self-experience. "

This is why it's extra painful when some teachers use the class to grope students as has happened to me and I know others too. There is no safe place, never time to be naive about the real world, but we can all work on getting stronger so that we can handle the difficulties in life better. Yoga does help us get stronger for sure.

Crisis of Faith

2010-10-15T15:57:00.000-07:00

My issues about my weight have less to do with patience or vanity and more to do with faith. If I knew with some certainty that RRARF would work for me, then I'd be much more relaxed and able to stick with it for the long run. I'm a very stubborn person as evidenced by my recent three year low carb stunt, doing the full program despite feeling like a bloated, nauseous wreck every day of those years.

With RRARF we're treading new waters here together. No one knows. Never has there been a double blinded study to confirm that RRARF helps people with Endometriosis and other inflammatory conditions. That's the kicker. I'm just guessing. I'm just hoping. I'm just going on blind faith. Pair that with other recent failures of mine...low carb just being one of them....and I definitely have doubt. How could I not? It would be illogical not to doubt. However, I know that I also have reason to trust myself, and my perceptions and right now I'm putting my bets on the 180DegreeHealth ideas. It seems solid and basic and simple. Not easy to live through, but simple.

So, it's not that I am not able to handle the pressure of feeling sick and looking dreadful. I'm ok with all of that if I feel filled with faith in my own decisions. That's where the problems are for me though. I'm scared. Super scared that I'm in for yet another disappointment and that I'll have been fat and perhaps not able to get out of it, perhaps getting even more sick from it.....Just as what happened with my low carb experiment. It's not easy to be rational and logical when one is sick and pressured and have just come out of having made some seriously bad choices in health and diet. I'm just wanting to be clear that I'm not being vain or impatient, I'm scared and I'm doubting my own perceptions.

I realized this morning though that despite many mistakes, I've make more correct choices than wrong once. The evidence is in my health. As many symptoms as I struggle with on a daily basis, I have to keep reminding myself where I came from; the 24/7 hell of chronic pain that was my life. I'm 85% better today than I was only a few years back. That's thanks to me making good choices. I did it without surgeries, hormone treatments, chemo meds, and even pain meds. I did it in a 100% natural, sustainable, long term stable, environmentally conscious way, and I made all the choices on my own. I walked that road. I think it's safe to say that I can trust my perceptions. I also know that a lot of intelligent, wise and well educated people with generally good perceptions also fell for the low carb ideas. I'm not the only one doing this mistake and it shouldn't mean all my future choices are doomed to be mistakes or to be mistrusted. I feel strengthened by this thought. I realize that I do have good perceptions and I do believe in RRARF. I just sometimes freak out about it when things are not going smoothly...I've been on RRARF for 5 months now and although the weight gain has plateaued, I'm still plus 20 pounds and pretty stuck here. I also have most of my health issues still ongoing and not improving. I know 5 months is not a long time, but it is if doubt enters the scene and it is with total uncertainty.

Fruit fasting yesterday was pretty miserable with mood swings, dizziness fatigue and diarrhea. By the end of my 24 hours I also got the bizzare symptom of uterus cramps. Have no idea how that is all connected but clearly it is. It was also annoying to have to keep eating all the time and that disturbed my breathing schedule. My CP was not improved and I was not able to do long MP breath holds. I also got really fed up with the sweet taste of fruits and I had to force myself to eat more of them due to my hunger.

I think my mind was more clear this morning than it's been in a long time though. I wrote early in my diary that "fruit fasting was not a hit for me but perhaps it had some value?" And it sure did; as I slowly began waking up at 5 am I was first struck by the fact that I had slept through the night without having to go up to the bathroom, so for sure my sleep was improved, no insomnia, no excessive urination. Then I realized that I was able to close the fingers on my right hand almost all the way to make a fist. I was also able to hold a pen with a normal grip immediately upon waking. This is the first time that's happened since I got my gout symptoms this summer. I also felt that my TMJ was much less intense. My jaw was almost able to relax. Not sure if uric acid causes muscle tension or not, but clearly the fruit fast came with some positives. However, it's too challenging for me to eat fruits only on any kind of regular basis. I feel pretty certain that the improvements in the gout points towards the idea that it is uric acid poisoning I suffer from and that a vegan diet is definitely good for that. However, I can't be that dizzy and awful feeling on a regular basis. I think vegetarian might work for me but I can only do that once I can tolerate dairy again. I'm slowly working on it by taking one tablespoon of raw milk per day to force my body to accept it as nutrition again and actually digest it. Hope it works. I'm glad the fruit fast is over though.

Fruit Fasting

2010-10-14T18:28:00.000-07:00

"Wisdom comes from experience,
experience comes from mistakes"
-The Courage to Heal, Ellen Bass and Laura Davis

Matt Stone from 180DegreeHealth.com writes today that:

"...ample food is only one form of sustenance that the body requires to deactivate famine chemistry, including insulin resistance. Sleep, rest, emotional health, inflammation, allergies, infection, and more are all things worthy of addressing in a comprehensive approach to shut this chemistry down and lose weight automatically "

This sounds so wise but also so overwhelming. I've got sleep problems with insomnia and I never wake up feeling rested, I've got so many emotional issues with PTSD, anxiety etc that 15 years of therapy has only begun to heal, I have chronic inflammation, multiple allergies, infections including candida, and chronic stress issues. Where does one start? How can I, a simple human figure this out on my own? No doctors can help me it seems. I have to hope that Matt's blog will give me these answers. That's all I've got. Fingers crossed it's not just another mistake. But if it is, I guess I'll have to learn from it. lol.

Today I'm trying fruit fasting for 24 hours to encourage my body to understand that it's time to burn fat, that starvation is over and it's no longer necessary to hold on to excess body fat. It's not a regular fast, it's more a fruit feast actually. I've consumed copious amounts of fruits today so far.

I'm feeling very frustrated about my body fat situation though. It's uncomfortable, distressing and causes low self worth and doubt in what I'm doing. I've been through so many rounds of failed programs and treatments it takes pure blind faith to believe in anything new at this point. Such a string of disappointments have left me doubting my own perceptions and treatment choices. That being said I guess I have to believe in something so why not this? I'm just so afraid I'll end up with another failure but also a huge beer belly on top of everything else. There is no free treatment, they all cost in energy, in pain and suffering and in mental exhaustion from being hopeful and then disappointed. I do think the theory of RRARF, ie "Eat when you're hungry, sleep when you're tired" sounds very logical and old school wise, and it even seems to be founded on medical science. Then again so did low carb in my mind. I don't know yet where this road will take me. To better or to worse health? I just hope this argument/theory is actually closer to the reality of what so many of us are going through and need to heal. There seems to be a huge acute need for a real solution out there. I am painfully aware that I'm not the only one struggling here.

As I understand it from what Matt Stone is explaining over at his blog 180DegreeHealth.com about metabolism and fat gain:

Leptin is a hormone that regulates metabolism. Leptin is stored in fat cells. When there are too few fat cells then leptin levels are low. This leads to the body thinking it should turn over to starvation mode, this slows down the thyroid which lowers basal body temperature. Now the body's metabolism is low and the body is fully trying to conserve energy and calories, making you feel tired and loosing muscle mass and building up fat stores. That's where I'm at.

The reason people who are seriously overweight, and who are obviously eating a lot of food, even too many calories, and like me have excess body fat that ought to be filled with leptin, is because they have become leptin resistant. This can be caused by eating food that is too low in nutrients, ie refined, too much fructose consumption, chronic inflammation, allergies, emotional stress etc.

This is also where I'm at. So, apparently fruit fasting short term can activate things in the body to get less leptin resistant. We'll see. I feel dizzy, unfocused, uncomfortable, and I miss eating real food. I'm so fed up with fruits now but I'm hungry and have to eat more fruit. The sweet taste is really repulsive to me now. I may not even last through 24 hours of this if I get too much headache, but I'll try. I do know that Weston A Price noted that the traditional people he investigated all had some short periods of fasting as part of their lifestyle. So long as I do what wise, healthy people have done for thousands of years successfully I feel I'm not too far off. Then again my overall health is not very robust, and perhaps a really sick person like me should not do what I'm doing? Who knows. I am running out of options. I ran out of them long ago it seems. I'm just going to keep on moving, keep on trying. I have to continue to cultivate more patience and more acceptance. I may also have to make more mistakes.

Pain, Pain, Pain

2010-10-04T11:25:00.000-07:00

"Religion is for people who are afraid of going to hell. Spirituality is for those who have been there."
- a member of AA

I'm still scared of my period cramps. Every month it freaks me out how bad it gets. It's crushing me that despite ten years of working so hard every day, trying with all that I've got in my power, putting all my resources together: mental, practical, intellectual, medical, and financial, to end this pain, it's still there. Each period the pain is still above the level of what I can handle. Every single month, no matter what I do. I feel that it is evidence that everything I've ever tried was a massive failure, a waste of time and money. It's so very hard to stay psychologically resilient when the pain is so deep and unbearable and continues for so long. I know that 24 hours of period cramps is not as long as the week I used to endure. But still, with all my time and financial investments I'd hope by now, ten years into this, that I'd not have to suffer this much. I don't understand it. I thought now that I' reduced Omega 6 oils to a minimum that my inflammation would get better over time. Clearly it has not.

I know that part of this is my fault. I have not been doing my physical therapy program every day like a good girl. It's just so hard to do that program every day, it takes an hour, while still dong my three times a day Buteyko breathing exercises at 30 minutes per time and my self massages that can take even longer, not to mention that I'm supposed to do kegels every hour of every day. It's a lot to try to do each day. Sometimes I falter and can't seem to find the energy to do all of it.
I'm also trying to rebuild my life by going back to school again. I am definitely struggling to keep things together. Also, on the months that I do do my PT program every day, it's not like I don't have any pain, it's just sometimes milder.

I know that I'm doing my very best during my circumstances, and it seems my very best is far from enough. It's also possible still that I just didn't find the correct treatment for this pain yet. I'm just at an absolute loss for what else I could possibly try now. I think I've exhausted every possibility, and the one thing that did have some influence over this pain was physical therapy, it never resolved my period cramps fully though, but it can lessen the intensity. I feel that this pain brands all my effort as a failure. It's inevitably so, the pain is still there and this is the pain that has served as my strongest motivator in pursuing true health. That and the constant fear of more surgery. I just need to find the energy every day to actually do my physical therapy and my kegels, breathing exercises and self massage. It's a big undertaking, but I see no other way right now.
Then there is the contradiction of "trying too hard". I don't know where I fall on that spectrum of doing too much or too little. I just don't know the answers.

I also think that my cramps may have been made worse from me starting to take vitamin D. Not sure how yet but I know that vitamin D acts like a hormone. However I can't get off the vitamin D supplement cause it totally helps me sleep through the nights. I never want to go back to the insomnia times....Not sure how to solve this problem.

Please don't give me any advice to try things that I've already tried. If you truly know of something that you think works against period cramps I would like to know about it, but please do check the list of treatments (link below) I've already tried as nothing is more discouraging than to hear that such and such thing works when I've already exhausted it's possibilities for me. I'm especially interested in hearing about the Vitamin D connection if there is one?

List of things I've already tried.

At the end of the month when my pain arrives, I always want to analyze what might have gone wrong one month so that I could correct my mistake. At some point though it would probably be wise and beneficial to forgive myself for any and all the mistakes I may have done and instead follow the ideas of Deepak Chopra:

"Every decision you make is a choice between a grievance and a miracle. I relinquish all regrets, resentments and grievances and choose a miracle."

I found this quote on this video of another person who is currently trying to figure out a way out of leukemia:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-cb9CnYH7s&feature=player_profilepage#!

Addiction and Nutrition

2010-09-28T10:47:00.000-07:00

Below is a super great guest post on Addiction and Nutrition written by Matt Stone who usually writes on his own amazing blog 180 Degree Health.

I totally agree with the article below and it has been my personal experience that Matt's observations are true, and his RRARF program incredibly powerful in working with addiction. Once I began nourishing myself with an abundance of starches and other whole foods during my RRARF month, my life long addiction to sugar disappeared within only a few days and has yet to rear its ugly head. I've lived with hourly sugar cravings my whole life. I've now been cravings free for four months. It's a beautiful world to live in cause cravings are so, so painful.

http://adventuresinrecovery.wordpress.com/2009/11/14/addiction-lack-of-nourishment/

It should be noted perhaps that I cut out all cane sugar and corn fructose and other artificial sweeteners ten years ago, and that didn't help me at all with my cravings. I still had cravings every hour of every day, it never got better. I just have a strong will power, but now I don't have to use my will power anymore. I just don't have any cravings anymore. It's pretty much miraculous and definitely a surreal experience. I never knew anyone to have a stronger sweet tooth than me....I had given up on my own sugar addictions long ago when I ran into Matt Stone's texts.

Shoot Outs and Restorative Rest

2010-09-27T11:02:00.000-07:00

So, I've just started college again. I've decided to change profession to something a little less stressful and more meaningful.

Three days ago, the evening before going in to College for a class, I had a huge panic attack about the idea of being in a potential shot out in College. I just dealt with it the way I always deal with it and thankfully I got through my class without any further problems. Then the day after that there was another shoot out on my street. You know it's like they say "just because you're paranoid, don't mean they're not after you", likewise, "just because you're neurotic, doesn't mean you're safe." lol.

I was just beginning to feel more grounded where I live and as I was sitting by my computer at home doing research for scholarships I hear three shots out on our street. Gunshots do have an unmistakable sound.

It's the second shoot out in three months right outside our building. Some kind of gang thing it seems. I've already got PTSD from another shoot out that I was in the middle of about three years ago when my upstairs neighbor flipped out and went on a shooting rampage in my building, so this is not what I need even though it was only out on the street this time, not in my building. It definitely gets the blood pumping and the stress hormones flowing.   It happened on my weekly RRARF day....I guess I should rename it RRARFWBF "restorative rest and aggressive re-feeding while bullets are flying"...lol...

I'm definitely feeling homesick for low-crime-free-education-and-healthcare-Sweden on days like this....

Early to Bed early to Rise...

2010-09-26T11:40:00.000-07:00

I started taking vitamin D and it seems to be helping me sleep better. I still wake up in the night to go to the bathroom, but then I'm actually able to fall back asleep again. This is so great and it hasn't been this way in so many years I can't even remember. It's strange though cause I feel more tired when I wake up in the morning now than when I didn't sleep much after 4 am. It doesn't make much sense to me, but neither does most of my health issues. I think it would be such a great thing if I could get my sleep to improve. Not only would it reflect a more stable health, but it would likely help further healing since it's during the night that repair is supposedly going on in the body. I just envy those lucky few who wake up feeling rested. That has never happened to me.

Here is a link to an article that talks about how vitamin D may help with sleep disorders.

http://www.usdoctor.com/insomnia.htm

The only weakness to this approach seems to be that I'm no stuck taking this supplement. The few times I've forgotten to take my full dose of vitamin D, I've not been able to fall back asleep..... Over time though, perhaps my body will adjust and I'll be free from the supplement. I just hate being dependent on any kind of pill. I want freedom. :)

In other news I'm taking a temporary break from restorative yoga. It seems to only lower my CP now. It's a common thing for me, some thing helps my breathing only to make it worse the next time I try it. I have no explanation for this.

I also tried cranio-sacral treatment with my chiropractor. That shot my CP up to 27 the morning after treatment. Immediately after the treatment though, my CP sank to 15 seconds. It was so strange cause I could definitely feel my body and my diaphragm relax. It's all so mysterious.

I'm in a good mood today though cause for unknown reason my CP was 26 this morning. That's so encouraging but it's likely some fluke. I've been there so many times before it's hard to be too optimistic., but a part of me is definitely hoping that this is a turning point. That my body has finally decided it's time to reduce the hyperventilation.

Shakti Mats and my long awaited for return to Vinyasa flow

2010-09-05T15:37:00.000-07:00

I'm back to my vinyasa practice after almost a year off due to my health issues. It's been very difficult to not have yoga asanas in my life. The asanas just make me feel so much better physically and mentally. I'm so grateful that my health seems to be stable enough to allow me my practice again. I have a totally different body now too. I'm not only bigger, but I actually feel much, much stronger and way more flexible, especially in my spine. Where I used to feel chronically shaky and weak, I now feel muscles begin to respond, and build. Yay for RRARF!!!

Also yay for restorative yoga. I'll never stop my restorative practice. I think I get it now. Annie Carpenter - my all time favorite vinyasa teacher who teaches at Santa Monica's Yoga Works, talks about the value of restorative yoga in this video:

I totally agree with her. In my life, I tend to be over active. When I was a workaholic my body gave me endometriosis, as a result of my abuse of my body, but it also offered me a way to break that cycle. Now my body still helps pull me down to earth whenever I try to move forward through excessive effort. lol. Working too hard seems to always backfire for me, if it's working for my career, stressing and working 14 hour days, or if it's working for my health, like my intense Buteyko practice that won't lead me anywhere, or continuing to push through vinyasa practice despite not developing more muscles nor flexibility. I can always trust that my body will prevent my mind from doing what it wants to. lol. The general wisdom must be in finding the right balance of work and rest. RRARF helped put things in perspective by teaching me the value of restorative rest. Restorative yoga will help me stay connected to this newfound knowledge.

There is this image of the yogi sitting in deep relaxation on his bed of nails (below), I imagine he's almost high on all the endorphins flooding his system. I know the feeling cause I sit on my Shakti Mat on a daily basis. It's the best in the world. I actually sit on my Swedish Spikmattan most of the time since I much prefer it's thicker nails, but it's not available in the US, but the Shakti Mat is great for curing migraines, and it will still relax you when you lie on it.

I think the image really signifies to me that both parts of yoga are necessary; the active strengthening and using of the muscles on the one hand, and the passive restoration of these same muscles on the other. The healing power of that deep relaxation that allows for meditative restoration at the magical center of the self, cannot be overestimated. One part supports the other, and both are equally important. At least it seems to be this way for me.

I feel that I am now more able to follow the wise instruction of Annie Carpenter "Soften Something".

The Essence of the Buteyko Method

2010-09-03T12:54:00.000-07:00

""The essence of my method is in decreasing the depth of breathing. You
would ask me how. The best way is through relaxation of the muscles that
potentiate the breathing action. What then occurs is a sensation of having
insufficient air if the breathing is reduced. These are all the instructions -
the whole of the method."
K.P. Buteyko

Here is a simple pranayama exersice that is sure to increase your Control Pause:

http://www.abc-of-yoga.com/pranayama

Feeling Fat and Ugly

2010-09-02T09:33:00.000-07:00

I'm now 140 pounds. Have a big fat belly and loads of spots in my face and chest. It's anything but sexy. I simply look awful and it's no fun at all. My self-esteem is hitting new lows....

I'm getting some of those "oh, congratulations, I didn't realize you were pregnant." comments. I have to go like "oh no, I"m not pregnant but I know it sure looks like I am. I've just been doing RRARF....." so awesome. People around me are now worried about my well being to the point of having no, absolutely no faith in my treatment choices anymore. It's awful, awful. At least I'm out of the intense RRARF now and am on the path of slowly loosing my weight back to some kind of healthy and ok looking level. It may not be loosing weight, but just redistributing it from my belly....

On the plus side I can do the first sequence of the Mysore Yoga series again. I do it every morning at home. It feels amazing. Even though I'm still weak, I can feel some sort of strength lurking in my arms, unlike before where I always felt like chaturanga dandasana for example was a matter of doing this huge leap of faith on two shaky spaghetti arms that one day might break. It was very hard to trust that my arms would be able to hold up my body. Now I feel a little more trust.

I took a yoga class last week and I've been doing pilates for two weeks now. It's my plan to go to another yoga class this week, however there's a serisous heat wave going on right now so I'm taking it easy.

I'm excited cause I finally learned that white rice doesn't need to be soaked cause it doesn't have phytic acid in it. That will save me some work in the kitchen. I also learned a new way to get the phytic acid out of brown rice by germinating it, making it more digestable. I'd LOVE to be able to eat brown rice, that would be so awesome cause it's a whole food, and it's got B-vitamins in it. That would be super for sure.

Despite things sucking visually with my health, I was very happy to find my fasting blood glucose levels were 87 mg/dl this morning. That's phenomenal.

About ten years ago, right before I got diagnosed with Endometriosis, when I went for my first US physical with our family doctor in Burbank, the doctor said "I wish all my patients were as healthy as you". And my fasting blood glucose levels were slightly north of 90 mg/dl. So, judging from that alone, I'm healthier now than I was ten years ago. It also shows that it would be great if the doctors didn't only measure blood glucose, insulin and cholesterol, but if they had a way to measure "inflammation" in the body. Cause if they had they'd have seen that I had lots of inflammation going on, leading me to get such severe endometriosis. Today I think my inflammation is considerably lower too thanks to me cutting out most sources of Omega 6.

Here's to hoping for a slimmer future with baby soft skin. That's the only thing low carb has over high carb: it's great for the skin. But bad for everything else.

Buteyko Table of Health Zones

2010-08-30T21:21:00.000-07:00

This is a super great and interesting graph on the different Control Pauses and the level of health/disease that is connected to it. It's frustrating though for me having been stuck at 20 seconds since January this year, 2010. At least I'm still working on it and hopefully some day my CP will improve.

http://normalbreathing.com

My current pulse is around 76 beats per minute, I take about 16 breaths per minute, my MP is at least 70 seconds, but my CP is still 20 seconds.....According to this zones thing my CP ought to be at least 30 seconds. Sometime my pulse is still at 80 and even 84 though, and sometimes my MP is only 45. I guess I'm a work in progress....

Oxygenation vs Fermentation

2010-08-29T12:52:00.000-07:00

When I was following Bee's low carb anti candida diet, there was a lot of talk on her forum about how candida and eating sugars would feed cancer cells. She said that candida directly causes cancer.

Obviously the refined sugars were considered the worst, but she included all fructose, sucrose and glucose into this category, sadly for all of us who bought into it.

One of the main articles that she used to make her point was one that describes the work of Otto Warburg. He got the Nobel Price for his research in this area, so he's clearly done quality research. I read this article and I remember being very confused, feeling that it did not in fact support Bee's claims. What Bee used as proof that the consumption of sugar caused cancer, I read as an indication that cancer has got a lot more to do with poor oxygenation of the cells.

Below is the quote that Bee always used. Read it for yourself and you tell me, I mean it seems there is a connection between both sugar and oxygen, but to say that cutting out sugar will protect you from cancer is wrong in my opinion, especially cutting out glucose in whole grains and root vegetables/starches and fructose in whole fruits.

"the prime cause of cancer is the replacement of the respiration of oxygen in normal body cells by a fermentation of sugar."

From reading the above sentence, I feel that the oxygenation is the first problem, leading to a replacement of the oxygen BY a fermentation of sugar. It seems to me that the fermentation is what follows AFTER the oxygenation has been replaced. This would make the fermentation a result of the poor oxygenation, not the cause of it.

This ties together much more with Dr Buteyko's work, who found in his many years of clinical research that a lot of modern degenerative disease was caused by poor oxygenation of all cells, caused by over-breathing (chronic hyperventilation syndrome), and what's more encouraging, he found this to be CORRECTED via improved breathing (ie reduced breathing, increased Control Pause, the return of normal breathing by eliminating the hyperventilation). This would also explain why malignancies were so rare among traditional people who ate a traditional diet and lived a traditional lifestyle, as observed by Weston A Price. Their diet and lifestyle supported high metabolism and likely high control pauses. Nose breathing was the norm among these healthy groups. Mouth-breathing and hyperventilation occurred when these people changed to a refined diet, and modern disease followed.

To come full circle though, the consumption of sugar and other refined foods, is what seemed to be one cause of the hyperventilation seen among the traditional people. There is surely a connection. But to say that candida alone causes cancer and that excluding all sucrose, fructose, and glucose is the protection against cancer is in my opinion faulty, or at least not proven by Otto Warburg. One might hypothesize that candida is what causes poor oxygenation, however Dr Buteyko saw candida disappear when hyperventilation disappeared. I think that consuming whole foods while working on reducing hyperventilation must be a good place to start when trying to improve any health condition.

Toxic Sludge and Physical Degeneration

2010-08-29T11:28:00.000-07:00

This new Swedish film "Underkastelsen" (The Subordination) about the environment and toxins mentions that today there are 100,000 manmade chemicals present in our environment, and many of them in our bodies.

As chemically sensitive I struggle with this on a daily basis. Our neighbors for example all use regular laundry detergents, ie once that are made from many man made toxins. This is chemicals that are known to cause cancer, kidney and liver failure. Yet, most regular people in the US still use them week in and week out not realizing the danger they are putting themselves and their fellow citizen's in. I react with nausea and dizziness and get really angry and stressed out every time I smell toxic laundry detergents coming in our windows. This happens both day and night....don't ask me who's up washing clothes at 3 am in the morning....but they live somewhere in our neighborhood. lol...

The corporations and politicians are of course to blame for allowing these toxic detergents to be on the market. In the end, however, it's up to us all to be responsible and educate ourselves and get involved politically to change this for ourselves, our friends and families, and the well being of all future generations.

Let's keep working for change and a cleaner planet. Here is one place to start:
www.greenpeace.org

Our generations health struggles

2010-08-28T11:26:00.001-07:00

I recently learned that Karl Erb, one of San Francisco's most influential, and loved yoga teachers is struggling with cancer treatment. The good news is that it's a curable form of cancer, and that he's doing really well. Still, he's going to need time to recuperate and won't be able to teach for a while. So, the yoga community will be missing out for sure until he's back teaching. He's got a very unique depth of knowledge that few can match. His understanding of yoga, and skill in teaching it goes way beyond what most will ever master. On a personal level, he's helped me solve some tricky issues that no other yoga teacher was ever able to help me with. He's definitely one of the best teachers out there and I can't wait to take classes with him again. Unfortunately I haven't had a chance to take many of his classes cause I only found him right before my Buteyko work made me too sick to take part of asanas at all.
To support his swift return to teaching visit his website:
www.yoganexus.com

Of course in the US loosing one's health is further complicated by the lack of health insurance to cover loss of income, and then the costs of medical care itself, that is often an issue even when people do have health insurance. It's totally devastating for people to loose their health, yet it's a huge ongoing problem for so many people.

I know all too many young people struggling with cancer and other serious health issues at the moment. It's such an endemic. Hard to know or understand what is causing our generation to suffer so deeply. Environmental pollution is probably one aspect, as is refined foods, and the general stress of our modern society and lifestyle. It's always frightening though when people like Karl Erb who really live a super healthy lifestyle, and personify health in so many ways, are also hit with modern disease.

I know I blog about my personal struggles here and I do it to make sure that if there is anything in my journey, in my lived experiences that can help others, then it's valuable that I share it here online with the public. As much as I struggle, and complain about my struggles, I know how lucky I am to be strong enough to be able to be a part of the movement for health. I strongly believe that more and more people, as they themselves and their loved once are struck with disease, realize that a change has to happen in our society. As a collective we need to strive towards a cleaner planet and a less stressful life, and of course a nourishing diet that sustains us, whatever that may be?

Heroic Paths to the Jung Institute

2010-08-25T20:25:00.000-07:00

Today I went on my two year delayed trip to the Jung Institute of San Francisco to make photo copies of this interesting series of articles from Psychological Perspectives called "Seven Paths of the Hero in Lord of the Rings: The Path of Curiosity, The Path of Opposites, The Path of the Wizard, The Path of the King, The Path of Tragic Failure, The Path of Love, The Path of Transcendence".

I may start by reading "the Path of Tragic Failure"...lol...to really soak in my low carb disaster on a deep psychological level. lol.

You may wonder what this blog post has got to do with healing endometriosis? To me, it's about finding the motivation, the courage, the determination, and the acceptance of the quest to continue seeking that holy grail "health" that I'm after. To make it all the way there to throw the ring of disease into the fires of Mordor. Of course this article also speaks to the geek in me having always been a huge "Lord of the Rings" fan. lol.

Call it delusions of grandeur, but I do feel like Frodo many times. Ultimately alone, carrying a very heavy burden, along a road of temptation (hysterectomy, morphine patches, crisps, coffee and chocolate), supported by many helpers, healers, friends and loved once, motivated by pain and fear, driven by a sense of what has to be done, while simultaneously wishing this ring had not landed in my possession in the first place -just as Frodo often wished.

I believe that endometriosis saved my life because it forced me to begin taking care of my health at an early stage, and I stand by that, however, I still wish that I had been allowed robust health instead in my life. But things being as they are, I always seek for inspiration to stay on my long healing journey, to keep believing that it can be done, that I "a simple hobbit without any extraordinary powers" can do it. That I'm not the only one who has taken this journey, and that many treasures can be found, and enjoyed along the road. I can't wait to read the whole series and I'm sure I'll report back here on some of it's content in the near future.

What a great little journey today brought me. Simply being in that very wealthy area of town where the Jung Institute is located, and where people like Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi live, always fascinates me as a Swede. The class difference in the US is striking and chocking to me, but most of the time I'm blissfully unaware of it, just living my life in my world and class. Just walking around in that area today though, it's like being on a different planet. There is hardly any traffic, certainly no mopeds or motor bikes (don't have a clue why, the steep hills perhaps?), there are no fumes from toxic laundry detergents as you walk down the street, no puddles of unknown water to step in, no sense that a shoot out may happen any second, no risk of tripping due to the uneven pavement, (I know I sound like an old person but it's just to illustrate just how big the difference is down to the quality of the pavement) instead one can safely enjoy the spectacular views of the turquoise bay water while breathing in the fresh cool ocean air. Then of course entering this building that is now the Jung Institute is quite the experience in and of itself. The entrance is just splendid, it's so extraordinary that the beauty actually effects your soul. Just like that Navajo prayer "May you walk in beauty above you, below you, inside of you, and all around you." It feels like it's an honor to be in there. The library with all it's books, in perfect order, the total silence, the smiling faces of the wise therapists that roam around, it is truly a wonderful place. I'm glad I got to experience it. It was definitely worth the trouble of getting there.

On today's journey, I braved the bus with the angry drivers hitting the breaks or slamming the gas while using the horn at every corner, my fear of not finding food out in the world, my tendency to get overwhelmed from traveling (re previous description of angry bus drivers), impressions etc. I had my map and thanks to it, I found my way, I had phoned the library beforehand so they knew I was coming, I had my knapsack and sea salt drink, and I succeeded in my little quest of getting my hands on this intriguing series of articles. I shall say, I have followed my inner hero on it's journey of curiosity. :)

I recently added links to my recommended health practitioners, ie my own list of helpers: the elves, kings and wizards that have lent me their guidance, wisdom, and healing hands, I realize it has become quite substantial over the years. I also added a book list of readings I've found helpful. Check it out HERE.

The health risks of a low carb diet

2010-08-24T17:28:00.000-07:00

When I was on a low carb diet, I remember that I regularly did this google search: "risks of low carb diets" and came up with nothing useful.....it took getting to Matt Stone's website 180DegreeHealth.com before I got it. The health care system is so much about money it's lost most of it's credibility to many people including myself. It's impossible by this point to know who to trust anymore. Thankfully there are independent researchers like Matt Stone to help sort things out.

Here is a short list of the things that can go wrong and I have developed gout myself as a result of the low carb diet. It's a really difficult situation to be in. I've said it before and I'll say it again: I wish I had not gone on a low carb diet ever!

http://www.mth.org/LowCarb.html

It's so confusing to know who to trust when the google search comes up like this:

Also, don't forget that Dr Atkins himself the master of low carb dieting said the following about his own diet:
“…remember that prolonged dieting (this one, low-fat, low-calorie, or a combination) tends to shut down thyroid function."
www.180degreehealth.blogspot.com

Shutting down the thyroid function leads to a low metabolism as can be seen if you have a low basal body temperature.

Transformation

2010-08-23T19:49:00.000-07:00

I'm so happy today. I went to my first pilates class since April this year! Pilates has been the thing that I've been able to do when I've been too weak, and sick to do asanas. My teacher Kristin Jamieson is phenomenal, and she teaches at Recess Urban Recreation. Of course during RRARF I was on near bed rest and coming off that plus getting adjusted to the 15 extra pounds on my body I've been very tired and have easily lost my breath at even the smallest effort, such as biking on flat ground to the grocery store. But today biking up two hills to get to pilates class was easy. My breathing was light all the way there. I hadn't been able to do that bike ride at all for the last few months because of my poor breathing, so it was a huge victory to be able to get there, and an even bigger surprise to get there so easily. I didn't have to get off my bike once!!!!

Pilates class itself was even more phenomenal. The exercises where I used to get cramps from before were seamlessly easy. I really felt that 25% muscle gain that must have occurred during RRARF. It's an amazing feeling. I was expecting to struggle an awful lot after having been away from the practice for so long. I also noticed that my arm and shoulder joints didn't click and crack as much as they used to. I'm back and it feels amazing! Despite my struggles I am still able to do many things and I think it's important that I honor and celebrate that. Today was definitely a day to celebrate!

It's so easy to get focused on the problems, the many difficult symptoms, but I made this list in my mind today and realized that despite my setback with the uric acid, I've overall taken some major steps forward:

Since I got on RRARF in July, I've seen the following improvements:
Normalized basal body temperature. This is HUGE! It's so important for the body's functions to have such a basic thing as body temperature be in balance.
Much improved blood glucose levels. I think most people realize how important it is to have balance in the indulin and blood sugar levels. I didn't know just how bad it was, I only had a hunch until I began measuring my blood glucose. It was so wonderful to see it improve so quickly on RRARF.
Chronic diarrhea of 20 years - gone! What can I say? Life is so much easier now and my energy levels are much higher. It also feels great to know that the wholesome food I eat is actually being assimilated in my body.
Period cramps - actually significantly improved, probably from my lowering Omega 6 intake in my diet. I had definitely lost hope that anything would ever help with my horrid period cramps that have run my life since they arrived on the scene 27 years ago.
No more sugar cravings - I quit eating refined sugars like cane sugar ten years ago. I had cravings every hour of every day for those 10 years. All cravings permanently disappeared after only a few days on RRARF. I consider this to be a HUGE health improvement. It has lowered the stress and suffering of cravings that used to be part of my life.
A much more inclusive and fun whole foods diet! I can for example have fruits now and some bread! Yay!

Negatives:
15 pounds weight gain. Perhaps 10 pounds of that is actual overweight that I'm going to have to loose during this coming year, without lowering my body temperature of course.
Developing gout, and seeing the return of migraine and depression. This all seems to stem from the uric acid poisoning that developed during my three years on Bee's low carb diet.

So, all in all things are looking much better for me. It's when the uric acid depression comes along that everything feels hopeless and stagnant. Since I threw out my raw milk cheese a few days ago and promised myself to never touch dairy again, my mood has been much better, and depression is now only taking over a small part of my evenings, not all day like before.

However, today I got some dairy again. I really want it in my life and I need a good source of protein that is low in purines, especially during the time it's going to take me to get this uric acid out of my system. I plan on doing one last experiment with dairy: eating it as the only source of protein some days, ie when I don't eat any other protein such as meat or beans. I really hope it will work. The goal is to be able to do dairy-only, a few times a week so that the uric acid can really leave my system.

Lima beans won't cut it as a longer term solution for me. They still cause joint stiffness and I simply can't be vegan for any length of time. It doesn't work for me. I've even seen my basal body temperature drop these last few days, and that's not acceptable.

To learn more about RRARF go to 180 Degree Health.

Restorative Yoga

2010-08-23T19:08:00.000-07:00

I know I've complained about it here on my blog before, but I continue to do so only because I really love ashtanga yoga, and especially the more rigorous, energetic ansans, so it's quite painful for me to not be of strong enough health to be able to get through a regular yoga class. As a result, during the last three years, I simply haven't had an active practice in my life, and
I haven't been able to go to any class at all for the last year. During the ten years that I've practiced yoga I've never been able to go forward in my practice but have been stuck at the same level despite going 3-4 times a week for serious asana work. I can't fully express how much I miss that feeling that only yoga seems to be able to give me. A feeling of total peace, of enjoying being in the moment and in my body, and that irrational yet unbeatable feeling that all in the universe is as it should be, and I am exactly where I need to be, and am supposed to be right now. It's a major loss for me to be excluded from yoga practice.

However, last week I made a huge discovery. I found "restorative yoga". I must be honest and fully admit that for the last 10 years that I've been practicing yoga, I've looked upon the restorative yoga classes as a waste of time and money. I thought "I can do that at home for free". However, it is now clear to me that the reason I felt this way was simply because I had not found the right teacher yet, as is often the case in all yoga practice.

However, I finally ran into the right restorative teacher for me, Darren Main and his teaching is very, very powerful. He's not surprisingly a teacher at Yoga Tree www.yogatreesf.com, the most amazing studio in San Francisco, if you ask me. His style is what I'd classify as quite "hard core". I always go in for anything hard core for some reason. I like the simplicity of hard core things. I liked maximum pauses cause they're had core. I liked low carb cause it's hard core. I liked veganism cause it's hard core. I liked fasting cause it's hard core. I often think that healing must require something really serious to match the seriousness of my health issues. I also crave simple rules that do everything in an opposite way - how very 180 degrees of me.... lol. Everything else that I've tried, that's been regular or complex, had not worked for me. I guess it speaks to my compulsive obsessive nature too, and I realize I probably ought to stick to the middle road, but still, hard core stuff is usually what I'm drawn to. Knowing that, let me describe my experience of restorative yoga:

Darren Main just had his class sit for about 10 minutes in meditation, said some wise words of inspiration, and then we're off: one pose for about 30 minutes, and then one more for like 40 minutes. That was it. Class over! How cool is that? How hard core is that? Two poses per class! I love it!

This does not accurately describe the experience though, since it sounds pretty much like an "I really want my money back" scenario, on "paper"....lol... My experience however, was one of true transformation. Both poses were simple lying on the back poses. Now, from a Buteyko/hyperventilation syndrome perspective, lying on the back is a big "no-no", since it doesn't offer any restriction to the breath and thus encourages more hyperventilation. Following Buteyko I can't sleep on my back since it makes my CP drop dramatically and has me waking up fully hyperventilating, often to the point of coughing, the few times I've tried it. I therefore avoid being on my back as much as I ever can. So, I was very concerned about lying on my back for any length of time, and I knew that there was a great risk of that happening in a restorative yoga class.

However, I worked around this by using my yoga strap quite tightly around my upper chest. This helps create some resistance to my breathing, and it helps remind the body to get that deep diaphragmatic breathing rather than breathing up in the chest. One of the things that attracted me to Darren's classes is the fact that he uses hot stones in his class. I was so surprised when he came around and put a hot stone right on my diaphragm. That's EXACTLY what I needed! How did he know? Or should I ask "how did yoga know?"

Buteyko said that the key to reducing hyperventilation is by relaxing the diaphragm. Remember that Buteyko didn't invent this, he just studied the Hatha yoga masters of India, and then brought it to the west, or to Russia at first. All his breath work is founded upon Hatha yoga methods and wisdom. His particular invention/discovery was that he developed the control pause. The control pause is the way to measure breath health/oxygenation of the body. The Hatha yoga masters have CPs of up to 7 minutes.....compare that to my 20 seconds....That's how far away I am from the health of a true yoga master. I believe it too.

So, as surprising as it was, I realize that the restorative yoga training, despite involving lying on my back, goes extremely well together with all the Buteyko training I'm doing. Even to the point of including the "looking slightly upwards" instruction of Buteyko. This translates to "look at your third eye, between your eyebrows" in yoga. That was also one of the only instructions of Dannen's class. Despite lying on my back, because I was awake the whole time, I could consciously monitor myself and make sure I didn't begin hyperventilating more. I deliberately did my VSB (very shallow breathing) exercises throughout the class. This of course helped deepen my experience of the class considerably. I've never done VSB for 30 minutes before, let alone 70 minutes. Yet this length of shallow breathing did not produce any clearing symptoms what so ever the following days. Also, during this time I experienced deep euphoric/pleasure. I know how healing that is so I just soaked it up. I still kept hyperventilating though and the stone on my diaphragm was visibly moving up and down rapidly because of my fast pace hyperventilation. The teacher mentioned to breathe in slowly at a count of 4 and then out slowly. I knew I would not be able to follow this instruction, and as I'm always trying to be a "good girl", I only hoped he wouldn't see my swift breathing. I also didn't want him to try to help me slow it down...I mean, that's one project I wouldn't wish on anyone, and that would only have led to a confusing conversation where I'd look and sound mildly insane:

Me: "I hyperventilate all the time....I'm trying to reduce my breathing by doing shallow breathing exercises and holding my breath etc..." I assume that's not what any yoga teacher would like to hear....lol...The words are just so contradictory. Deep breathing and relaxed breathing vs shallow, reduced breathing. I can't see that conversation going well even though we'd be talking about the exact same thing, the language promotes that total misunderstanding that Buteyko blames for basically all ills....lol....but thankfully Darren either didn't notice, or let me be. Both of which I am grateful for.

In the second pose we had the stones in our hands. This alone felt wonderful to me with my stiff aching joints, it was so perfect for me, it's like this practice was designed for me and me alone. This time I pulled one of those heavy sandbags over my diaphragm and upper chest and one over my lower stomach. I remember reading somewhere that some Buteyko exercises include putting some pressure on the lower belly to encourage relaxed breathing, so I figured this might do the same thing. It did. During this pose, somewhere towards the middle, I suddenly noticed my breathing taking a drastic tempo reduction. I got so excited in my mind going like "OMG! I'm not hyperventilating anymore!!!!" and then of course I began to speed up the breath again...lol....but I knew then and there that this was my road. This is yoga. This is the healing power of yoga!!!!! This is what I've been looking for. Where asanas have failed me, restorative yoga seems to be coming to my rescue!

Then as I came home that day and sat down to do my breathing exercises a few hours later, I was struck by this very, very strange sensation in my breath and lungs. It felt like the pressure in the lungs had suddenly changed. This makes a lot of sense since when the CO2 vs oxygen content changes in the lungs, as it must during Buteyko training, it creates a different internal pressure situation of the gasses. So, it was actually very encouraging although it felt off to me, probably because it was so drastic. Then when I went about doing my VSBs I realized that my body was already doing it for me!!! I for the first time in 9 months of daily Buteyko breath work found my body to actually cooperate!!! I then did 10 minutes of VSB with ease after my session and my maximum pause was 50 seconds without much effort at all. My CP was still low, but I don't know that focusing on the CP is useful to me at this time.

I've always know that my method of pushing and struggling and working so hard, actually always working "too" hard, striving for following every "rule" to perfection, as a way to get me closer to health, has never worked for me. It's always led to backlash sooner or later. Yet, it's not been something I've been able to change about my personality no matter how much I've wanted to, and despite 15 years in psychotherapy. I've always wanted to "relax" and just "let healing happen", "allow it to be easy" etc. Who wouldn't want that? However, I've never been able to achieve this, I've only wanted to do it and known I've needed it on that intellectual level, but it's been more of a frustration with myself for not being able to just "let go". Whatever that may mean? Restorative yoga, however seems to offer a practical, physical method to achieve this goal.

Restorative yoga, I've since read, helps the body go over to the "parasympathetic nervous system" ie, that place of deep, deep rest and relaxation. That place I've been searching for in all my meditation work, and body work. That place healthy people seem to go to every night when they sleep, that place that offers them restoration each night so that they can wake up feeling rested and renewed, ready to tackle the day ahead of them. That balanced functional biofeedback place that allows them healing each night. That place I can only daydream about and hope to find one beautiful day. I've learned that restorative yoga can be more restful than sleep, especially for all of us who suffer from insomnia and/or poor quality sleep. So, I think my healing journey just took a big step forward. Tomorrow I'm going for my second class!

Here is Darren Main's website again:
http://www.darrenmain.com

Darren also has a blog if anyone wants to surf by:
http://darrenmain.com/blog/

Veganism

2010-08-15T14:43:00.000-07:00

So, it seems I've had to come full circle. The last time I tried being vegan was about 6 years ago. Then it was a huge failure. I felt dreadful. This time around I'm thinking of only being vegan about 3 days a week and then eat meat one day and then be vegan again. Hopefully that might help me. I'm thinking more and more that my diet might be what's holding my breathing progress back. I've been eating lots of animal protein 3 times per day, knowing that Dr Buteyko found this to be a huge problem for breathing I've struggled with it. It's like the battle of the theories here. One theory goes exactly oppostie the other so often, it's very hard to know which one to follow. I guess there is as usual, only one way to find out, and that is to experiment on myself. So, in going more towards veganism/vegetarianism, I hope to see some of those improvements on my breathing. See below some interesting stuff that Dr Buteyko found to be true in breathing.

"Doctor Buteyko also found that meals rich in proteins (especially when they are quick absorbing animal proteins) and, to a lesser degree, fats considerably intensify breathing, while fresh fruits and vegetables produce the least impact on ventilation." http://www.normalbreathing.com/causes-meals.php

I've known this since I began my Buteyko work, but at the time following a low carb diet that's mainly animal protein and animal fat it felt like an impossible dilemma for me to overcome. Now, I'm willing to change my ways again and explore veganism again. Never again will I do anything 100%, but I plan on having days of veganism as mentioned above.

"An old study by Haselbalch (1912) revealed that after following a vegetarian meal, blood levels of CO2 decreased to 43.3 mm Hg (the initial value was about 45 mm Hg); while a meal with meat resulted in 38.9 mm Hg. Such a difference means that the CP test reults after a meat meal can be about 12 s less, than after a vegetarian one. Explaining this finding in his textbook on respiration, Professor Haldane suggested, that "a meat diet, which causes an increase of sulphuric and phosphoric acids in blood, is acid-forming as compared to a vegetable diet, which contains less protein and relative abundance of salts yielding carbonates"(p.183, Haldane, 1922). Thus, the breathing centre compensates for the additional acids (amino acids) in the blood and the resulting blood acidification (low pH of the blood) by reducing carbonic acid and CO2 stores. While with the vegetarian meal, the presence of additional alkaline salts in the blood requires extra acids for blood pH preservation. Among all acids in the blood, carbonic acid is the main component and its concentration can be changed by respiration." http://www.normalbreathing.com/causes-meals.php

I find it so interesting cause my new friend Betsy over at 180 Degree Health (who has quickly become my new uric acid BFF, and ally in trying to figure out health with, she's also the person that pointed out the uric acid issue to me in the first place), she remembered that Julia Chang of www.sensiblehealth.com used to always tell her that "if your blood is dirty it won't carry enough oxygen." So, now we're both speculating that it might be the uric acid this woman was talking about. It makes a lot of sense, especially from the text above.

"In addition to the immediate effects on respiration, a lack of normally occurring food substances in the diet such as vitamins and minerals can gradually cause chronic hyperventilation. For example, carbohydrates require for their digestion adequate amounts of B vitamins. These vitamins are naturally present in cereals, whole grains and root vegetables and almost absent in sugar, white bread and white rice. Thus, eating these refined products diminishes the B vitamin content in nervous cells gradually leading to chronic hyperventilation (Buteyko, 1977). Doctor Buteyko and his colleagues particularly emphasized the dangers of sugar and refined products. The lack of some minerals (especially Mg, Zn, and Ca) or their biochemical unavailability is another cause of chronic overbreathing.
Therefore, the typical western diets, which are often full of refined products and lack fresh fruits and vegetables, has negative effects on breathing. Most of all, overeating, so prevalent nowadays, is one of the major causes of chronic hyperventilation." http://www.normalbreathing.com/causes-meals.php

Now this finally explains why Weston A Price saw kids who changed over to refined diets began to mouth breathe.
Anyone who's been reading my blog (anyone?) will know that I've been obsessed about finding an answer to this question.

I also know that Dr Buteyko found that milk is the worst for breathing. That makes me feel a little bit more happy about my inability to digest milk. Still doesn't explain the Masai tribe, (but what does....lol...and I can assume that they all had CPs over 60 and in that case a person can eat anything and thrive)

Below are the general food guidelines I got from my Buteyko techers Ryan Bowie and Christopher Drake. It doesn't explain why not to eat animal protein but I can now guess that it's all about the uric acid? It's a psychological weakness or strength of mine that I find it impossible to follow rules if I don't fully understand the reasons behind it. It makes me suseptible to both ignore rules that may be beneficial to me because I don't understand it's meaning, and to fall for propaganda that is presented in a very logical way but that may lack merit, (like Bee Wilder's whole program.) What I love about Buteyko's work is that it's apparently done in a very meticulous way with lots of readings in a hospital setting. Unfortunately it was done in Russia during the communist rule so it's always going to be difficult for me to fully trust it, but the fact that the communist party was opposed to Dr Buteyko very much strengthens his credibility in my opinion.

"3. Try to limit the amount of animal protein that you eat. Milk, soft cheese, eggs, chicken and stock should be avoided as much as possible while beginning your training. It is not necessary to become a vegetarian or vegan but to eat these foods in moderation. Also try to keep strong tea and coffee to a minimum. " Ryan Bowie, Christopher Drake

But does that mean that hard cheese is on the table? (as asked by a true dairy addict...lol)

It's also a bit of a conflict with RRARFs early stages of using overfeeding to correct low metabolism. It does confirm though why I experienced a lot worse hyperventilation symptoms during my RRARF month. I think it was worth it though, cause I'm in a much better place now to proceed my healing work with normal body temperatures again and a much higher metabolism.

"2. Only eat when you are hungry. Limit your food intake to when you have appetite, and only eat as much as necessary to eliminate your hunger. Remember that your desire for food may change as you develop your practice, so pay attention to what you genuinely need rather than following habit. Ryan Bowie, Christopher Drake"

But ultimately, after the body temperature is up, Matt recommends eating to fullness and not more, so in the end the two schools line up fine.

Artour Rakhimov writes in his "Big Book" that Russian doctors found the following to be true in their patients:

Small negative impact on breathing: Fresh fruits, berries and spices, vegetables and greens.
Moderate negative impact: Grains, legumes, nuts
Large negative impact: Dairy, oils and fats
Very Large negative impact: Animal meats, seafood

Food Preparation:
Small negative impact on breathing: raw, frozen, dried
Moderate negative impact: milled, steamed, boiled
Large negative impact: baked, cooked for a long time
Very Large negative impact: Fried, grilled, deep fried, canned

Apples and Oranges

2010-08-14T21:49:00.000-07:00

The other day I was like "oh yes, there are oranges!" I had completely forgotten about them. After three years of Bee Wilder's strict anti-candida diet that didn't allow any fruits what so ever, I guess my brain had simply given up on me coming to my senses, and had decided to totally forget that oranges even existed. What a gray world it was for me back in low-carb-no-fruit-prison. Then a day later I'm all "and apples! There are apples!". Today I had my first apple in three years. Wow, it sounds so insane to write that. This weekend I had my first water melon in three years. For some reason when going off low carb I found my way to the blueberries and kiwis, but I didn't even look at all the other fruit. It's like my brain was shielding me from even seeing and being aware of the fruits. I must have walked passed these isles in the store a million times without looking these last few years. It baffles me that the brain, probably in a self regulating attempt at protecting me, was able to have me forget about the very existence of so many fruits. It's almost scary. However, I'm so delighted to be able to take part of life's riches again, I don't even feel bitter about my mistakes right now.

Instead, my heart goes out to everyone struggling to follow Bee's strict and ineffective candida program. It's definitely a prison, a meaningless prison. I know why people choose to follow her ill informed, ill educated advice: desperation. So, I feel deep empathy for everyone who is today where I was just a few months ago. I hope that somehow they too will hear that inner voice saying "this isn't working", and "this doesn't make sense" and begin to look elsewhere for a sustainable, actually healthy, and enjoyable diet and lifestyle.

Bee always use to say that there is nothing that can overcome candida except for a strong immune system. I think that's something, perhaps the only thing, she was correct about.

Below is a photo of how my kitchen looks now. It's filled with colors and abundance and it makes me smile when I'm doing my dishes and look over to see all that joy sitting there, waiting to be feasted upon, not by others but by me! This picture was taken the day before I remembered that there are oranges in the world, (so you won't see any in this picture) and I was happy then, imagine my joy today. :)
What a wonderful life to live, being able to eat and digest fruits without fear. I feel so lucky.

Uric Acid

2010-08-12T21:48:00.000-07:00

It's been a rough week. I found out about uric acid and it's connections to ill health. Especially gout/arthritis, migraine and depression symptoms. At first I was crushed and desperate. I began reading about it too much and was feeling for the first time in my entire life that I might benefit from going to a mental hospital. I was getting sucked in deeper and deeper into a vortex of medical literature and finding that the more I learned, the less I knew.

So, I cut myself off. Took a shallow breath and returned to what I now believe to be the most fundamental truth for me: there is no one way, no one answer. There is whole foods and there is my body's varying reactions to it. I don't know why the Eskimos could thrive eating predominately meats but I know that I can't do it. This I know for sure to be true for me.

It's very possible that the main problem is not the intake of uric acid/animal meats, but simply poor elimination. That is, my kidneys may be too ineffective to get the uric acid out of my blood fast enough. It's also very possibly connected to hyperventilation.

I've begun cutting down on my meat intake already and I feel more energy than I have in years. My goal is to be vegan a few days per week and then to eat some animal protein. I won't be 100% vegan, I won't even try to eat 100% like an Eskimo, I'll just eat the food that I seem able to digest and not get too sick from. No food is perfect. There is no diet for me to follow but my own. My body will tell me where to go.

I've experienced a lot of depression this week too as a result of cutting back on meats, and finding out about the uric acid problem. Interestingly depression is apparently a sign of too much uric acid in the blood. However, it's better for the uric acid to be in the blood than to be in the joints. It also seems that it's better for it to be in the joints than to sit and hide in other tissue where it only builds and builds. At least the joint stiffness and pain has given me the opportunity to change my ways, take action, before anything catastrophic like kidney stones would occur.

I can always trust that my body will let me know when I'm off the deep end. I just don't always understand it's signals. I can't always figure it out. I feel good today though. I can feel my body healing itself. Thanks to restorative rest and aggressive re-feeding, I'm warmer now.

Weight Trouble

2010-08-05T14:34:00.000-07:00

Crystal Renn, in the image above, who used to be anorexic, is today one of the best paid plus size models at a size 12. I think she's absolutely beautiful, and that we need a lot more role models looking like her, visible in the media. Our ideas of "thin is beautiful" is probably to blame for much of today's dieting yo yo problems that end up leading to low metabolism, a state of starvation, and the dangerous potbelly overweight that is epidemic today.

It's frustrating and sad how the information that's available at 180DegreeHealth.com is still so far away from the general discourse. See below some classic examples from a recent TV obesity discussion.

What's missing from the conversation quotes below is insulin resistance, leptin resistance, and low metabolism, not to mention the difficult situation of all the hidden crystallized fructose corn syrup present in so much modern foods.

"Roth, citing her diet and fitness routine, revealed that if she went a day without running her required 4-miles, she only consumed 1300 calories. (She gets 1800 calories on exercise days.) Renn's jaw dropped: that was, she pointed out, only 300 calories more than she was eating at her lowest, most malnurished point. "I think you're fat-phobic," Renn told Roth."

"If only 5% of dieters have success in keeping the weight off, one member asked Roth, what do you suggest as the solution to our obesity crisis? Roth noted that it's a difference between "can't" and "don't", frustratingly bringing the conversation back to a simple matter of will power, and passing up a chance to talk about the various reasons why "dieters" might fail in their goals."

"Roth claimed that "our bodies confess to the world if we're treating it well or not"; Renn noted that "you can look at thin person who's eating fast food, or a size 22 (person) eating an organic diet that's considered to be balanced."
http://www.chicagonow.com

I'd love to know what Roth's and Renn's basal body temperatures are btw...

On a personal note, it's definitely a challenge to see my body change so radically on RRARF. Partly it's a matter of accepting a temporary rise in body fat that will over time turn into more muscle weight. Partly it's also about coming to see that perhaps my natural weight is a lot higher than I thought it was. With health as my only goal and objective it's not something that I'm regretting, but it's definitely a change that is difficult to adjust to. This journey is taking me all kinds of places and this new destination is very strange and exotic.

Eggshell Calcium

2010-08-03T14:53:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to write a blog post on how I make eggshell calcium. I think it's easy, it just takes some time.

First I rinse the egg shells in warm water. I make sure to keep the membrane though cause it's got some healthy stuff in it and it's worth eating it too.

Then I put it in the oven together with whatever else I'm cooking/baking. I have tried all kinds of different temperatures and all seem to work, I just change the time I leave the shells in there to be as long as it takes to make them fully dried out. If they are soggy/wet at all they won't break easily when rolling them out, plus they could have bacteria on them.

After the shells are fully dry, I simply roll them with a wood roller on a wood cutting board. They'll break easily like glass and I continue until the shell pieces are tiny gravel-like pieces.

Then I keep them in a jar with a lid in a dry place, but not in the fridge.

Finally, I move about 1/2 teaspoon of egg shells over into a smaller glass container, squeeze some fresh lemon over it, and let it stand in room temperature for 7 hours or more, but never longer than 12 hours since it will go bad. I stir is well and then it begins to bubble (and that's supposed to happen).

I still chew it well before swallowing it, and the taste is quite good and refreshing. I've seen my teeth going from filled with black spots to now only having about 4 weak grey spots remaining. I do think that it's important to take magnesium with this though to promote the uptake of the calcium. When I take it without magnesium my teeth tend to stagnate, not get worse, but also not continue healing. However, that then necessitates taking a magnesium supplement, unless I can figure out another way to get a big does of magnesium?

I get less pain in my teeth when I don't soak it in lemon, but I figure it's best to follow the recipe online cause I'm not sure if soaking them helps the body take up the calcium or not:

http://nourishedmagazine.com.au/blog/articles/how-to-make-calcium-using-egg-shells

There has been at least one study of egg shell calcium preventing osteoporosis.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15018022

As a side note:

I never had a single cavity in my life before starting low carb (part from the one I had in a milk tooth as a young child but that I dropped when the permanent tooth grew out). On low carb I developed many black spots in my teeth, together with that odd pain sensation in the teeth that I had also never experienced before. I don't know if they were actual cavities or not since I was too scared to go to the dentist. It would have crushed me to hear: "you've got 30 cavities in your teeth...." so I spared myself that experience. I am sure my current high carb diet will be protective for my teeth, however I've been so impressed with the egg shell calcium I have decided to continue it, especially since I don't tolerate any dairy at all. The last two months of low carb I had begun taking egg shell calcium and my teeth immediately began to heal, so despite the fact that I was demineralizing myself on the low carb diet, the egg shells helped protect me.

It is also worth noting that I took the recommended dosage of calcium citrate in capsules all three years on low carb but clearly that did nothing to protect my teeth.

My only issue now is that I'm not sure if this type of egg shell calcium could increase the risk of heart attack or not?
(see this article:
http://drurbannaturalhealingtools.blogspot.com/2010/07/calcium-supplements-may-raise-risk-of.html)

Apparently calcium supplements do increase the risk because it rises blood calcium levels, (as if I needed another reason to loathe supplements...lol....) but calcium found in food does not rise blood calcium levels. I'm not sure if egg shells would be classified as a food or as a supplement? I am not aware of any primitive people who ate egg shells, but I know the Eskimos chewed on, and ate fish bones. If anyone knows about this, please comment about it to let me know.

Great News! BG 91 mg/dl!!! + Energy Healing

2010-08-03T13:52:00.000-07:00

Wow! Great news! My fasting blood glucose level was 91 mg/dl this morning!!! Wow! That's what I call a double rainbow!

Seriously, it makes me feel like all is not lost! Despite my general-health-nose-dive with the arthritis, my blood glucose has continued healing. My goal is to reach 85 mg/dl. I quit measuring it for a while cause I just figured it would depress me too much since the postprandial has risen to pre-RRARF levels. Today the postprandial reading was 108 mg/dl 1 hour after breakfast. Definitely way worse than the 78 mg/dl I scored while eating potatoes. It seems however that white rice still holds a lot of healing power. Surprising for a refined food. I've been eating lots of other things too. I've even had a lot of yoghurt and just taking the depression, but I'm going to quit that temporarily to get some joy back into my life. lol. I've also had two slices of buckwheat per day, and a lot of berries on an empty stomach. The buckwheat definitely is hard on the arthritis but I don't want to give it up. I'm surprised that it's been working so well to eat fruits, I don't even get dizzy from it anymore. Thanks to all this eating, I gained back some of the weight that I lost initially when I switched over to white rice. I also finally gave in to reality and bought new jeans, going from size 27 to 30. Oh well. At least now I'll be more comfortable.

Yesterday I did some energy healing with Trinity. She's super great and it's so relaxing, calming and grounding to be over at her place doing energy meditations. A well needed break from everyday stresses and struggles. I don't understand the magic of energy healing and I don't think I need to. Doing it relaxes me, and relaxation promotes healing. It's that simple. She shares the basics in energy healing and grounding on YouTube here:

Below is a Buddhist prayer that I use to bring the energy of loving kindness to myself and others:

May you be well, happy and peaceful.
May no harm come to you.
May no difficulties come to you.
May no problems come to you.
May you always meet with success.

May you also have the strength, courage and determination to meet and overcome the problems, disappointments and failure inevitable in life.

Calcium supplements may raise risk of heart attack

2010-08-01T14:58:00.000-07:00

"While experts are not certain about the biological mechanism by which calcium supplements may damage the body, studies in the past have linked high levels of blood calcium to more heart attacks and damage to blood vessels, Reid said.
"When you take calcium supplements, your blood calcium level goes up over the following four to six hours and goes up to the top end of the normal range," he said.
"That doesn't happen when you have calcium to eat in your diet because the calcium from food is very slowly absorbed and so the blood calcium level hardly changes at all."
Calcium supplements may raise risk of heart attack

I found the above article and it made me think. I've had some trouble with dairy lately, even though I've only consumed sheep yoghurt, which is supposed to be easier to digest for people with dairy intolerance's like me. However, it's still causing me to feel depressed most likely since apparently:

"Calcium toxicity is one of the primary biochemical causes of depression."
http://www.meltdown.com/depression.htm

I've been wondering if that's the reason I can't eat dairy or if it's due to me also eating egg shell calcium? Perhaps that concentrated calcium is making me full of calcium so any dairy on top of it causes issues. On days that I only eat the egg shell calcium I don't have any depression, so that can't be an issue, I guess. Then I read the above and began to wonder if I should quit the egg shell calcium too? Not quite sure yet cause the egg shell has done wonders for my teeth. I guess I'll have to take a few days off it and see if I then can tolerate dairy or not?

The other possibility is that I'm still simply intolerant to any and all dairy and can't digest the casein. This would be a bummer since I love yoghurt. Hopefully over time, as my metabolism heals I might be able to return to eating dairy.

"undigested casein can have strong psychoactive and allergenic properties."
http://www.180degreehealth.com/not-milk.html

"Intolerance to specific foods can often cause depression and anxiety."
http://www.wheatanddairyfree.com/wheatdairyfreeintolerances.htm

My Teeth 2010

2010-07-30T14:48:00.001-07:00

Here are my teeth as they look right now, quite crooked due to my narrow upper palate, and I did wear braces as a child so this is after they've been "fixed"....

It may seem strange, but I actually like the way they look, even though I understand they are far from what's considered esthetically pleasing in our society. I have also had several dentists directly and loudly laugh at me when they've first seen my teeth...(rude, I know) I guess in an attempt to convince me of how badly I need their expensive new braces...

However, I've always been into individuality, so I've taken much pride in having super original teeth. No one has teeth that are crooked in this exact way, just me! I'm the only one on the planet who can look like this. For better or worse, and this is one part of myself that I can honestly say I like.

One dentist once exclaimed: "please give me the number to your therapist" after I explained that I really liked my teeth because I felt they expressed my unique individuality, and that "no thank you" I would not like to change this that and the other about them. It's actually not something any therapist has had to work with me on though. As a child, my BFF's mum was a dentist and she was always saying that it would be such a boring world if everyone had perfect straight teeth. I realize now that she probably was wrong about that (since that world might be filled with healthy people eating only whole foods...or she might be right and talk about Los Angeles....), but it definitely had a positive impact on me.

However, now that I understand that my upper maxillary bones are indeed deformed, and that this may have a very negative impact on my overall health because a narrow area here may put pressure on the pituitary gland. I'm willing to part ways with my crooked teeth. It's with sadness in my heart, but with hope for a better future where I'm less stressed, and more healthy. Hopefully my unique look won't change too dramatically. I won't let them drill them down or anything, just "OK straighten them out" and get me that wide upper palate nature had originally planned for me.

Body Temperature and Breathing

2010-07-27T16:51:00.000-07:00

I've seen a strong link between metabolism and chronic hyperventilation syndrome (CHS). I believe that I need to find out what that connection is in order to go forward in my healing. My CP is stuck and my metabolism is still low. I was hoping that one might solve the other, or at least improve the other.

1, First of all I am convinced there is a connection because I suffer from both, so at least within my personal organism there is clearly some connection.

2, Dr Buteyko (who discovered the connection between chronic disease and low oxygenation of the cells) himself writes this:
"Deficiency of CO2 caused by deep-type breathing[...]brings about alterations in metabolic processes."

http://members.westnet.com.au/pkolb/but_bov.htm

3, Clearing reactions ("side effects" of practicing the Buteyko breathing exercises caused by reducing breathing, ie increases in CO2 and oxygen in the body) most often include, diarrhea, nausea, vomiting and food aversions. Ie, the digestive system seems particularly sensitive to CO2 changes, up or down.

4, Dr Buteyko noticed in his experiments that animal protein was very hard on the breathing, making the person more CO2 deficient. During intense training fasting is used because it helps improve breathing quickly. Interestingly ANY eating, of any food effects the CP negatively temporarily (kind of like how carbs temporarily increase insulin). This is fascinating for me since the primitive people clearly had phenomenal breathing and metabolism. For them, I'm sure the temporary drop in CP caused by eating a big meal, would have been insignificant (CP falling from like 60 to 55), whereas for modern people, it can be devastating (CP falling from 10 to 5 or so).

Although my morning CP seemed to go up during RRARF (likely because I only did 2 sittings per day instead of my usual 4 of Buteyko exercises during this time, allowing for the CP to normalize. When pushing the exercises, the CP often drops as a result of the intensity, but it's actually going up), my experienced breathing was incredibly labored during intense RRARF most likely because I was overfeeding so much, with a very low CP. Going to the grocery store, walking up stairs and lying in bed was all very difficult on the breath and I often had to do RB exersices just to get through the situation, not to mention sitting up several times during the night doing breath holds. During the bed rest period, I had to sit in bed instead of lie down. I can't seem to learn how to sleep while sitting, it's too uncomfortable.

5, Physical exercise increases CO2 in a healthy person, and is therefore good for the breath in a relatively healthy individual, however, if a person is unhealthy and has a low CP exercise should be avoided at all costs. Only after a CP of 20 seconds has been reached, exercise but only mild exercise, is helpful. Anything where CO2 levels risk getting lower would be counterproductive (like running while mouth breathing exhaling out huge amounts of CO2 and thus lowering cell oxygenation). As I understand it, it it is to be noted that even running with nose breathing on low CP might still deepen the breath enough to cause a significant CO2 loss. This goes along the lines of the 180 program: don't exercise until you are well enough to do so.

Dr Buteyko saw that his patients got more sick if they engaged in strenuous physical exercise, this led him to realize the importance of breathing, and in avoiding strenuous exercise in very sick patients. However, the Russian army noticed huge increases in CP among the healthy soldiers who ran long distances each day wearing gas masks, ie they didn't loose that much CO2 despite mouth breathing (or they might have been healthy nose breathers from the start).

6, According to Dr Buteyko relaxation is the best way to improve breathing. Any kind of stress causes both low metabolism and hyperventilation syndrome. Higher metabolism leads to less stress levels. It doesn't seem plausible to me that "a pinched nose" (that Weston A Price blamed for causing mouth breathing) would lead to hyperventilation, since a pinched nose would if anything reduce breathing rather than increased breathing, however, yes it is possible that a person with a pinched nose would get signals to the brain that too little air was coming in, although I doubt it.

7, I myself have a pinched nose, the reason I mouth breathe could be duet to this, but I would think the reason would rather be my allergies. The nasal allergies I had from early childhood, caused my nose to become blocked from over-breathing, (too low CO2 causes congestion). But this means that the over-breathing must have preceded the nose getting blocked in the first place.

I believe, since the muscles that are supposed to hold up my jaw is very weak and it's a constant deliberate struggle for me to keep my mouth shut. This would be due to the deformation of my upper maxillary bone. So, I think that's what causes the mouth breathing to start with.

Even if my mother had encouraged me to keep my mouth closed as an infant (like native mothers used to do according to George Catlin in his 1830s book "Shut Your Mouth and Save Your Life", Free download available here), I believe that my poor nutrition had kept my jaw muscles weak and had continued to cause me to mouth breathe. It is with greatest difficulty and constant reminding myself that I nose breathe today, and when I sleep I MUST tape my mouth.

However, it is said that once CP is high enough you will nose breathe on your own no matter if your upper maxillary bone is deformed or not. Dr Buteyko never mentioned much anything - that I know about - on crooked teeth (although Christopher Drake who studied under Buteyko, said that "it's a known fact that mouth breathers have crooked teeth"). So, perhaps it's some kind of feedback loop here. High CP, high metabolism, nose breathing, normal upper palate. Low metabolism, low CP, mouth breathing, crooked teeth due to deformed upper palate. Possible?

The question is: what causes what and how best to go about healing it? I guess my best bet is to do both, increase my metabolism by overfeeding, ie nourishing myself while avoiding refined foods, and sugars, avoiding physical exercise and do sitting resting, and also increasing my CP by Buteyko work. Both RRARF and Buteyko say relaxation is key, and that exercising has to wait until health is stronger. So, resting seems to make sense.

I also believe that a low metabolism does give the brain signals to breathe more. Perhaps that is what causes "undernourished" people like myself to mouth breathe to increase the amount of air pulled into the system. Being in a state of starvation is in itself stressful.

Perhaps there is some kind of connection a la (I'm totally guessing here): low leptin levels (or anything else related to low basal body temperature) cause cells to not get oxygen, or the hypothalamus getting too little leptin or something, so the brain is given the signal that the body is getting too little oxygen. Perhaps some entirely other chemical in the body is reduced when nutrition is poor, this chemical perhaps signals the brain to breathe more, and this is why Weston A Price saw malnourished kids mouth breathing (note that all the children in the tuberculosis hospitals he visited mouth breathed, and therefore must have had very low CPs).

This is my problem, Buteyko showed in his many years of research that his patients -over 90% of them - did recover by doing his breathing exercises, however, none of them suffered from a lot of clearing symptoms. But today, many people (including myself) struggle with extremely severe clearing symptoms such as violent diarrhea and daily vomiting. This is especially true for people living in cities. On the countryside people's CPs apparently improve faster with less clearing symptoms, possibly because they eat better more nutritious foods, and may have higher basal body temperatures. With severe clearing symptoms people like myself are basically unable to get their control pause to go up, despite doing the exersices. But since my CP went up while I was doing RRARF, and only 2 sets of Buteyko exersices per day, I wonder if there isn't a connection between people's lower metabolism today. In the 80s when Buteyko was working, people must have had higher basal body temperatures, and could perhaps more effectively take care of the infections that got activated by the higher CP.

Perhaps it's as simple as a person with a low basal body temperature is less able to deal with the infections that occur once the CP rises, so the body has to resist upping it's oxygenation to protect itself from infections overtaking the organism due to a low body temperature. This potentially creates a situation where no matter how hard we try to up our CP, the body has to prevent this from happening to protect the organism.

8, Another aspect of the puzzle is that Buteyko knew that people would begin to hyperventilate if they got externally overheated. I find this link to be fascinating.

Generally, the higher the CP the lower the basal body temperature.....at the same time, clod hands and feet are typical signs of hyperventilation....it's all so confusing....

Also, in the night Buteyko recommends sleeping in a cold room with minimal blankets to ensure that overheating in the night does not occur. At the same time it is my goal to wake up with as high a basal body temperature as possible. That seems like a contradiction. However, the Peruvian Indians did sleep in freezing conditions but didn't seem to get cold, their inner thermometer was clearly high despite the outside cold climate.

We know that the overall population is getting lower basal body temperatures, and we also know that the general CP has sunk and is sinking. Is there a connection?

I believe the connections between body temperature and breathing are huge.

For me personally, my basal body temperature is low and I can't get my CP to increase no matter how hard I work, and my clearing symptoms are unacceptably dreadful to handle and seem to only weaken me more.

Complicating matters even more: it is also entirely possible that my breathing won't improve until I get a homeoblock to correct my upper jaw deformity since that might cause an overstimulation of my pituitary gland giving my brain the signal to breathe more.

I knew where to start? With the homeoblock, the basal body temperature, or the Buteyko exersices. Currently I do all at the same time, while waiting for the homoeblock. The risk is though, that I increase my Buteyko work, and impair my digestion so much I can't up my basal body temperature, while exhausting my faith in the method and my stamina in doing the intensely boring exercises for 2 full hours every day month after month. In that case I'd be not only wasting my time, but causing lots of damage to myself and eventually give up completely due to exhaustion. If I don't do the Buteyko work though, it seems that if I begin by upping my basal body temperature using RRARF, I'll have to suffer through a lot of difficult breathing episodes and in the end I may need to do the Buteyko work anyways. Not quite sure what to do. Wish I had more answers.

I've also noticed that the colder I am during the day, the better my daytime CP, but this means my body temperature is low all day with cold hands and feet and I'm not sure that's too good when trying to up my metabolism. I guess that the metabolism has to increase from the inside out though and come from an abundance of good nutrition, so I'll stick to freezing for now.

Hot Chick coming up

2010-07-23T12:56:00.000-07:00

For me it's been quick and relatively easy to bring up my body temperature using RRARF from 180DegreeHealth.com. My basal body temperature has risen loads in just 6 weeks of RRARF. It's been the many digestive issues and malabsorption issues that have been my struggle. But it's worth focusing in on the things that have worked really well and fast.

Ideally the axillary/underarm basal body temperature when a person wakes up in the morning should be between 97.8 degrees F and 98.2. (page 36 180 Diabetes, Matt Stone). The armpit temp. runs up to a half degree F below the oral temp. (page 21, 180 Degree Metabolism 2, Matt Stone)

Since starting RRARF my basal body temperature has been above 98.0 F 24 times (during the last two months), and note that this is the underarm temperature I'm measuring now. It hit below 97.0 F three times, but again this is underarm temperature which measures lower than the oral temperature anyways.

Before RRARF my basal body temperature was above 98.0 F only 6 times in three months, and this was oral temperature. It hit below 97.0 F 5 times, but spent most time hovering right above 97.0 F.

My top temperature on RRARF has been 98.9 (but I'd need to hit 99 degrees in order to become a "hot chick", chick as in chicken...ovulating...eggs...you get the picture....) and I hit that both months. Before RRARF I only hit 98.5 and that was only during one cycle, and again only in oral temperature. The rest of the 3 months I was not ovulating at all it seemed.

This is quite some improvement in basal body temperature I should say. And I have only just begun this healing journey! I'm impressed.

My goal is to hit 99 F so that I can finally join the Hot Chick's club over at 180 Degree Health. Like I mentioned before, feminism is no longer my life's main focus....lol. I just want to feel good. I want health and I want in on that club like nothing else....Feminism is a luxury I can't afford at the moment.

Below is my Basal Body Temperature chart for January, February, and beginning of March 2010 (which is when I gave up measuring...). It is the oral temperature and was taken before I began RRARF, and was on a strict low carb diet. Click on it to see it in a bigger format.

Below is my Basal Body Temperature chart for June, and July 2010. It is post starting RRARF and shows the underarm temperature. Click on it to see it in a bigger format. Note also the increased periods. Although it doesn't seem like such a great thing from a pain perspective, I realize it's a good thing that the body has plenty of hormones and is actively going through it's cycles. In the January, February chart, I was also doing a lot of heavy Buteyko breath work and was having severe clearing symptoms, ie I was super sick that whole time, so that might have delayed the period too. Usually I'm super regular.

Out of the Woods

2010-07-23T10:03:00.000-07:00

After a lot of crying, filling up Matt Stone's inbox with questions, and desperate pleads, quickly loosing 5 pounds from not being able to eat potatoes nor yams, we may have found a possible solution: white rise. I now eat tons of white rice. So far, I seem to tolerate it just fine, fingers crossed (cause I CAN cross them today!) and my hunger is again controlled, so hopefully this will prevent further weight loss.

I've had rice as my only starch for only two days now, but it seems that already the terrorizing symptoms of arthritis are fading away. The toes, knees, elbows are all back to basically normal, and my left hand is almost normal, my right hand is somewhat functional although the fingers still have some stiffness, but it's definitely improved loads. It seems I'm out of the woods for now on this one, but it was a close call.

Without Matt Stones vast knowledge and experience in this area, and without the experience and collectively learned -and I can only imagine hard earned - wisdom of all the other people over at 180 Degree Health, who have broken out of low carb before me, I really think I'd be back on a life time low carb prison sentence with a very bleak outlook for my health and my life-quality.

Matt figured, correctly, that my reaction was one of oversensitivity, not canadida. Apparently it's common among low carbers to develop various sensitivities. Then when we try to go back to eating starches, we sometimes can't even eat regular root vegetables like potatoes, or yams, cause we react to micronutrients/substances within them. (What a full blown nightmare!) White rice however, is 90% hypoallergenic, that's why it's a good idea to start getting out of low carb using white rice. The body can then adjust only to the starches and get strong enough to hopefully be able to overcome it's newly developed sensitivities over time. That's the plan for me now. Stay on white rice for a month, and then start slowly re-intorducing potatoes, and yams.

Even though I ate full meals during this time of arthritis issues, I only took smaller portions of the starchy vegetables to try to lessen the symptoms, and my weight plummeted in no time. I lost 5 pounds in about a week. It's surprising to me how much food I require to sustain myself at this time.

It was scary and frustrating to not know what in the world to eat, to feel hungry, and to loose weight when I'm supposed to be fattening myself up on full RRARF.

It's so frustrating and scary when you feel yourself painted into this tiny little food corner where you can eat fewer and fewer things due to allergies and sensitivities and all kinds of malabsorption issues, and at the same time you know that the very food you can't tolerate is the food that has the potential power to heal you.

I remembered this British guy I saw on TV a few years back when I lived in the UK. He could only eat one specific type of strawberries. Granted I have to assume he was suffering from severe neurosis as well as allergies, but I can still understand and empathize with his feeling so well now, as he stood in the food store and cried cause he could see other people filling up their carts with different foods, and he was so hungry and he had just found out that his specific type of strawberry was now out of season. That's the place I never want to get to. It is my task to keep malabsorption, and neurosis far away from me.

I can't tell you how much I loathe low carb now. Totally blows. Hate it for making me sacrifice, and suffer so much, and for creating new problems for me, when it promised me the exact opposite: better health. If you are considering a low carb diet, take my word for it: DON'T DO IT!!!!!

How did the Eskimos do it? Well, don't ask me....I can only guess they had perfect metabolism and if you do, you can probably eat anything and get away with it, or even thrive on it. If you don't, like me and so many others who seek out various diets from a place of trying to reduce ill health, low carb will likely do a real number on you, sooner or later.

What else did I learn? I have a new found respect and empathy for everyone with arthritis. It's such a terrible disease because it makes you an invalid in no time. Just loose the mobility in a few key joints and you're done. It's not the pain that's the problem, it's the stiffness. This disease has the power to make you an invalid in no time.

Being so badly handicapped, you loose not only the ability to handle the practical parts of life, but you also naturally loose the ability to do much anything at all of the things in life that are fun and enjoyable. How do you for example walk out into the middle of a streaming creek and feel the cool water on your legs and the rounded stones massaging your feet, if your knee joints won't carry you there? How do you slip into "pigeon pose" for relaxation if your knee joints won't bend? How do you read a book if your wrists and fingers won't cooperate? How do you work, or read health related or just fun blogs by the computer when your fingers are so stiff you can't even operate the mouse? How do you scroll the text and how will you email a friend without the use of your finger joints?

Seriously, I never understood what a severe situation arthritis can be. Knowing this is such a common disease today, (one in three Americans suffer from it!!! I have no idea how many people within that group have it effect their life a lot, or how much medication people take and how effective it is?) I feel for mankind right now, more so than I usually do, (and my thoughts are often on the suffering of mankind and how it can be lessened anyways). I know endometriosis is debilitating too, and I've certainly been bed ridden periodically, unable to shower on my own, make my own meals, unable to function much, not to mention suffer inhuman pain levels etc, but it's a much more uncommon disease (one in nine Americans suffer from it, and out of that group only about 10% gets the severely debilitating form of it with chronic pain. Most people with endometriosis have few, and very mild symptoms). Not that that number is any consolation to those of us falling within it, and I don't mean to minimize it at all, but for me it was a new experience to see how quickly arthritis can immobilize you.

At least now I have expanded my experiences in the world of suffering and disease even further, and I can tell you this: arthritis sucks, and crystal white Jasmin rice rules!

Thank you all 180 Degree Health people for the work you've done that is helping me today!!!!

New Darker Blog Design

2010-07-20T11:19:00.000-07:00

I decided to change my design to as dark as possible to help metabolism since apparently bright light causes metabolism to sink. It's not a fun design but it's the best I could come up with for now. This is a great place to find color palates btw:
http://beta.dailycolorscheme.com

Arthritis still a problem, but I do think it's more a part of the healing journey than the beginning of a new health disaster. Here's to hoping.

Arthritis?

2010-07-17T20:04:00.000-07:00

I'm kind of freaking out at the moment. For the last three day's I've woken up every morning with severe arthritis symptoms in my right hand and shoulder. At least that's what I think it is, since this is a symptom I've never before encountered in my life. (I didn't know how lucky I was.)

This is how it started: I noticed since getting on RRARF that I have on occasion, about once a week, woken up with really stiff fingers on my right hand. I didn't think much of it, just figured I had been sleeping on my hand in some strange way or something like that.

But now it's undeniable. I have a problem. This Thursday I woke up in the early morning hours with that stiffness again, but it was worse than before, in fact I was unable to bend my fingers at all. So, I made sure I lay on the opposite side with no pressure on the arm, and I fell asleep again. When I woke up, I still could not move the fingers. Then I knew it was not caused by me sleeping on the hand funny. The finger joints were mildly achey, but unable to bend hardly at all, I also had some ache in the shoulder and wrist. The stiffness and ache continued all morning for several hours.

I remembered a comment from one of the discussions over at 180 Degree Health about potatoes and joint pain. I then googled and found that potatoes could be bad for people with arthritis. I guess they might be able to actually provoke the onset of arthritis too. I suppose I've been eating too many potatoes, but I don't really like yams, I can't digest brown rice, and I feel that white rice is a little too refined for what I'd prefer something that's a staple food.

I emailed Matt Stone and he said that potatoes often have a toxin in them called solanine, and that the solution may be to simply peele the potato, or to eat some other starch instead.

I suspect that it's also possible that it's the buckwheat I've been eating that's been causing me this. Not sure yet. I'm now engaged in a process of elimination and error, trying to find what it is that has caused this, and keeps causing it. I know that arthritis is an inflammatory disease, so it's possible that the low carb diet that I was on, caused a rise in cortisol, and that increased my inflammatory response, so there might be no elimination diet in the world that can help me now. I'm not yet sure why it would only manifest itself now that I'm going high starch though? I've never in my life experienced anything like this. I don't really understand it since it seems my endometriosis has been stable on low carb and that is an inflammatory disease too. I'm stumped. Perhaps the endo will get worse now too? Damn low carb.....

It's beyond a bummer. I didn't realize what a cruel and torturous disease arthritis can be. Just my three day experience, of what I would classify as minimal arthritis symptoms, has been a slight nightmare. You need your hands for so much; doing dishes, taking out the trash, peeling and boiling yams, lifting heavy pans, soaking rice, grinding buckwheat, drying off kitchen areas, getting dressed, pressing garlic, flossing the teeth, washing the hair, typing on the computer, writing down the scores from Buteyko breathing exercises etc. Doing all this with the use of only one hand, (my weak one) is quite a challenge I've discovered. Seriously....how do people do this?

My emotional reaction has been one of victimization, depression and disbelief with panicky thoughts like: "WTF?! How much is a girl supposed to take? Why me? I can't believe this! Instead of healing, I'm getting a new MAJOR issue......Where will this end? Is this the very beginning of yet another long, difficult journey through a disastrous health mess, year after year, after year? More suffering? What's with my karma? What's the lesson?"

My mind immediately goes to the worst case scenarios, cause that's been my lived experience....I now fear that I'll loose the little I still do have that is normal in my life. I fear that I'll impair my ability to help myself heal. Cooking whole foods, doing self massages, stretches, rolling on pilates rollers, etc....all those things that are crucial for my pain management and overall chance at healing. How will I do that with only one hand? What if it spreads to the other hand? Will I need to hire an assistant? It's all too terrifying to consider. How will I go back to school now? How will I be a happy and perky partner to my already empathy fatigued boyfriend? How much more can he take? I also see the much longed for return to my yoga practice slipping further and further and further away from me.

On a small, in many ways insignificant, but still factual note, I also love potatoes and will really miss having them in my diet.

There goes the Everything High Diet for me....no dairy products cause I can't tolerate dairy, no gluten grains cause of gluten sensitivity, no potatoes cause solanine may cause arthritis, no brown rice cause I don't digest it, no buckwheat or other gluten free grains cause it may also cause arthritis symptoms, no tomatoes nor eggplants, not to mention all the other regular no no's of refined foods, vegetable oils, soy products etc.

On the plus side. I'm still rocking the postprandial blood glucose levels as seen below! Take that, insulin resistance!!!! I win you loose!!!! This is so encouraging I think my inner hero is waking up from it's chock induced coma. It makes me think that "fine, if I get arthritis too on top of everything else, I'll deal with it, I'll fight it. I'm tough. I'll find a solution. I'll cure myself, and if not, then I'll find meaning in that too."

Check it out!:

Modern Times

2010-07-17T12:38:00.000-07:00

"It's not that a low-carb or even zero-carb diet can’t be a healthy diet. Eskimos proved that beyond a shadow of a doubt. The question is, given that the world seems to be in metabolic decline, with widespread insulin resistance, low body temperature, and more… is a low-carb diet the most effective strategy at fixing the core problem, or might it actually be counterproductive?"

180 Degree Health.com

This is such key observation by Matt Stone, and why his presence online is so important. You see I couldn't get two and two together for years....I was like "But why? Why can the Eskimos eat super low carb and be perfectly healthy and not me? Why can the Masai drink mostly raw milk and I can't even digest it at all? Why can the Swiss have perfect health on mostly rye bread and raw dairy, and again, I get sick from it? (being both gluten, and dairy intolerant) Why did the kids Weston A Price put on a whole foods diet, quickly heal their different health issues, and I get acutely sick when I try to follow his 1930s guidelines?

It shows how much more complex the problem is today than to just start eating whole foods, cutting out sugar, and then expecting to heal. It's never that easy in a modern human with multiple food intolerances, insulin resistance, leptin issues, low body temperature and very impaired metabolism.

Thankfully it seems Matt Stone has developed an emergency plan for us modern people, the RRARF program, that seems to work wonders in those who attempt it, like myself. Fingers crossed I, and my all too many fellow ill health sufferers, get all the way to the other side of metabolism hell and get to experience something closer to health in this lifetime.

Is it Mental or is it Dental?

2010-07-13T15:34:00.000-07:00

In other news, I found this article by Raymond Silkman, DDS on the upper palate issues I've been writing about in other blog posts. Here

Have a look at the below quotes on upper palate expansion:

"When the bones in the head are underdeveloped or misaligned, the soft tissues are over-crowded and unable to assume their normal shapes and positions...the nervous system also suffers."
"...mouth breathers tend to have amped-up sympathetic nervous systems, always on alert, and they have a hard time getting their physical or mental bodies to relax."
"....people with poor facial development are not going to live very happily."
"many times when we do the procedures that widen the palate, correct the head tilt and allow a person to breath through the nose, that person suddenly becomes happy. It is amazing to see the things that happen when we take steps to expand the palate and the upper jaw."
"A lot of amazing things can come about just from changing the shape of the maxilla for a human being."

This all seems to point towards exactly the connection between poor nutritional status, mouth breathing, low metabolism and hyperventilation that I've been suspecting, and experiencing first hand for so long. I have all those symptoms and also suffer from Dyslexia, PTDS, Anxiety attacks, General Anxiety Disorder, Depression, and OCD. (Yes, I know, I often wonder too how I get through a day? lol)

I'm planning on getting my own upper palate widened, since it's not surprisingly extremely narrow (as seen in the image below of my current retainer that I use to help the jaws not tense up too much during the night). It's very expensive to get the Homeoblock though, so it will take me some time to get there. But I am hoping it will help me in many ways, especially in improving my CP, and of course in lowering my inner stress levels so that my body has a better chance to heal my body.

I totally feel like a detective of my own health, trying to figure out what went wrong, and how to fix it? If I can figure out myself, then I'd be filled to the brim with useable wisdom. So far, not too much luck....lol....I'll keep this blog posted for sure though....

Weston A Price called it "intercepted heredity", where the genetic hereditary development is somehow halted or intercepted by too faulty, too refined foods at just the wrong time during and right before conception. So, essentially the true expression of the genes could not develop due to too poor nutrition. In other words, it's not a genetic problem to have crooked teeth, it's a fundamentally nutritional one on the part of both parents before conception.

Fructose Malabsorption?

2010-07-13T15:09:00.000-07:00

This article/blog entry over at 180 Degree Health is just amazing.

"In Grand Canyon National Park, deer were getting accustomed to eating processed junk food that was being fed to them by tourists. They developed drastic health problems, physically and behaviorally. This may not come as no big surprise. What’s shocking is that they were unable to return to their diet of grass."

"By feeding refined foods to his animal subjects, he was able to induce all kinds of dire health problems. Control animals had flawless health in every measurable regard when receiving well-balanced rations of whole foods. Yet, although refined foods had caused the health problems, returning to a whole foods diet was impossible. The animals could no longer digest whole grains and vegetables like the controls. Thus, the apparent cure for a refined-food, nutritionally devoid diet – providing the same diet that the healthy animals were on, fell short."

This is what I've been experiencing first hand for years!!! It's also what made me go crazy reading Sugar Blues, when the author suggests that all problems are solved once one quits consuming sugar. Not for me. I've been left with severe issues that make it so difficult for my system to digest, that my health simply couldn't improve once I changed to an unrefined whole foods diet.

I've wondered for years why my healthy eating never really seemed to help improve my health (until RRARF that is). The part about the deer in the Grand Canyon is particularly illuminating for me. It shows how it's not possible to just go back to a whole foods diet and expect things to heal from that alone. The damage has already been done so to say....It's been my experience these last 10 years as I've struggled to regain my health through, among other things, changing my diet to an unrefined whole foods diet. It's been difficult to do it, cause I've had to exclude so much food, like dairy and grains, since those foods now seemed to do more harm than good, and it has not led to drastic health improvements (again until RRARF which seems to be best able to nourish my body without doing any harm. So long as I continue to avoid any dairy and gluten of course). But I still struggle a lot, and I have problems with my skin, numerous physical and mental health issues and of course many food allergies. My PMS is just getting worse and worse, and no sign of my endometriosis symptoms improving yet. I assumed it's all just because my body is readjusting to RRARF, but I suspect that I could do even better, perhaps if I did cut out fructose for a while. Just as my body immediately responded positively to RRARF, I suspect that there is something else I can do to get quick symptom reduction.

If I understand the blog post correctly; malabsorption of fructose causes hypoglycemia (and insulin resistance, hormonal issues etc). Then if I have that problem of malabsorption, how do I heal it? Can this malabsorption be healed at all? Is it as simple as cutting out fructose, and does that have to be a for life cut out or a temporary one?

I have a history of severe sugar addiction and hypoglycemia, allergies since childhood and auto immune disease, so it seems very possible I don't absorb fructose well.

Again, I ask myself the question: can I really trust my biofeedback when I'm this unhealthy? Should I eat fruits because I "feel like it" and "it's so yummy", or is part of the reason I love to eat some berries every day caused by possible malabsorption issues?

Not giving up your Power

2010-07-13T10:42:00.000-07:00

"the main thing is to not get blindsided by one theory vs. the other, but hold on to your own decision-making power - and make your decision based on your own biofeedback."
Matt Stone 180 Degree Health

I find this to be the most challenging thing because I have not been able to trust my body, ie my biofeedback system, cause it's been so overtaken by sugar cravings. In addition my mind is not very capable of making great decisions due to for example my very low CP, ie oxygenation to all cells including to the brain. It's a challenge for sure, but RRARF is helping me get in better contact with myself. To know that it's ok to nap whenever the body requires it, and to eat whenever the body feels hunger even if that happens 5 minutes after a big meal. There is still some wisdom remaining in my body and I don't have to be a babysitter to it anymore, but can allow it to lead me instead.

"If your adrenal glands are healthy, you'll respond to many things in the list of what raises catecholamines with a decline in appetite, a rise in energy levels and mental focus, very quick fat loss with no lean losses, and so forth."
180 Degree Health

This is probably why I never did respond well to the low carb diet. My adrenals were shot long before I began low carb, so I never got to feel the honeymoon period at all. Went straight to:

"health problems like food allergies, horrendous athletic performance, insomnia, and digestive problems..."
180 Degree Health

That just about sums up the symptoms that came with the low carb experiment.

"As for me, I'm kinda done fooling around with catecholamines. I eat until I am full, when I am hungry (usually 3 times per day evenly spaced, starting with an early breakfast), and eat a very high-carbohydrate diet with very little cardio-style exercise." "bodyweight exercise sessions once every 3-4 days."
180 Degree Health

That sounds healthy and inspiring. It actually feels so good to be really, truly full. It's a feeling that I hadn't felt at each meal for a long time. I didn't even know what I was missing out on. I never felt hungry, I just felt nauseous. So sick for hours after each meal for the three years I was on low carb anti candid that I had to use sea-bands and cinnamon capsules all the time not to throw up. I couldn't nap for those three years since lying down meant such severe nausea I nearly couldn't keep the food down.

Freezing and hyperventilating

2010-07-11T13:09:00.000-07:00

In Weston A price's book "Nutrition and Physical Degeneration" he writes about how the Andean Peruvian Indians were able to walk with bare legs in freezing conditions without difficulty, and that they also slept outdoors with nothing on their feet or legs in extremely cold temperatures. He also noted how the children in the Swiss Alps were running around barefoot, and lightly dressed in conditions where he and his team had to wear heavy coats etc. This speaks to the high metabolism and likely high basal body temperature the supreme diet afforded these people. Me, in contrast, I'm constantly cold. I wear double cardigans, and extra wool socks indoors in already fairly warm conditions. There is never a risk of me overheating though, and I'm apparently far from unique:

"...even the New York Times has taken notice of the drop in average body temperature in their article – “Rethinking 98.6"
page 18
180 Degree Metabolism

I also noted while watching Partick McKeown's DVD on the Buteyko method how he made sure each of the participants "felt warmer" while they were doing their reduced breathing exercises. He said that as the CO2 levels increase, thanks to the reduced breathing, more oxygen can be released to the cells, and that's why we feel warmer when the breathing normalizes. This seems to clearly indicate that over-breathing (hyperventilating) lowers the body heat. Perhaps that's what makes us hyper-ventilators more susceptible to infections, infections that in turn slow progress in reducing hyperventilation. What a bad cycle.

Weston A Price noted that among the children in the tuberculosis hospital, every single one of them was a "mouth breathier", ie one must assume they were hyperventilating. He also of course saw this trend among all the primitive people who had just gone over to a refined diet, that they began mouth breathing (not just the once with tuberculosis). Weston A Price believed this was caused by a "pinched nose" due to an underdeveloped skull. This might be the cause, however, it's not that we're not getting enough air, it's that we're pulling in too much air. Pinched nostrils sound like they'd actually prevent over breathing, I personally believe it has got much more to do with a pressure on the pituitary gland caused by the narrow upper maxillary bones created by the poor nutrients consumed both by the parent and child. This pressure would cause stress to the system, and in turn give signals to begin hyperventilating. Or perhaps it's as easy as the kids getting mild allergies like rinithus (stuffy, rinny nose) once they began consuming sugar, and that is what clogged their noses and caused mouth breathing? But who am I to guess? Generally speaking, I think it's safe to say that it's unknown why a refined diet would lead to hyperventilation, but that the evidence points towards some kind of connection between the two.

Most people today apparently hyperventilate to some degree (that is, very few modern people, if any, have a natural CP of 60 seconds), and I guess most people also have some degree of cranial deformity (that's just me guessing again, since Weston A Price saw this trend increase so much and one sign of it is crooked teeth. I mean, who didn't need braces as a kid? And who has a perfect, wide upper palate today? Just from looking around, I can tell it seems pretty common with upper palate deformities).

To tie it together, it's possible that when Dr Buteyko was doing his investigations on hyperventilation in Russia, people had a much higher basal body temperature, and thus responded faster, and with more ease to his breathing program. Not as much infection would have been present in theses people's bodies and clearing reactions would therefore perhaps have been milder, as described in literature on the subject. See, Chapter 22 "Doctor Buteyko's Discovery Trilogy" by Sergey Altukhov, or read it online here:
http://www.doctorbuteykodiscoverytrilogy.com/cleansing-reactions.cfm

I know I've written about all of this before but now I see the connections a bit more clearly between low metabolism/body temperature, poor nutrition, and hyperventilation. I don't know anything for sure, or what the solution to all this is, but I can say that I find all of this totally fascinating.

If I didn't have all these health issues myself I'd be prone to not care at all, I think, first of all because I wouldn't likely be reading Weston A Price, or finding out about the works of Professor Buteyko in the first place. So, I'd be blissfully unaware of the health crisis facing us today. The fact that I'm dealing with all of this makes me suspect some degree of meaningfulness. That it's a big mystery that has fallen into the laps of myself, and many, many people today and together we're all trying to figure it out.

The situation is also made more complex by the fact that people's overall health states are diminished. Not only is it more difficult for a person like myself, with far less than optimal oxygen flowing to my brain for clarity and sharpness. The expression "brain fog" is probably a great way to describe what happens to a hyper-ventilator as myself. This makes it difficult to take in all the important information that is out there, process it, remember it, and then analyze it and finally convert it into useful conclusions.

In addition, the fact that so many people today can't digest the casein protein in milk, this suddenly makes, for example the raw milk diet null for a huge portion of the population. The fact that wheat is genetically modified, no longer locally grown and available, and that the gluten protein is so hard for us to digest today, again makes all of Weston A Price's own main dietary suggestions impossible to follow. So, it's not just about dusting off the books from the 30s and then applying the wisdom in then, if one can be mentally clear enough to do so, cause things have changed really fast in our overall health status.

Because of our ever failing overall health, It's no longer enough to just cut out sugar and refined goods to regain health. No, so much has gone wrong with us we need other tools to get the healing going. I think the best place to find info on this, and to find other people who are doing the work in real life every day is at
180degreehealth.com

I am sure that we'll figure out the best solution to how to solve this problem of the epidemic of a lower basal body temperature, mouth breathing, hyperventilating and other diet related health issues somehow. How it all is connected is important to find out, but how to reverse the problem is even more important. It is possible that it's as easy as everyone learning the Buteyko breathing method, but from my own experience that's a long, difficult road that is not going to be realistically implementable for most people. If it's this hard for me, (a dedicated health nut with a well established compulsive obsessive personality, that can very easily turn on the inner robot and perform 4 long, boring breathing meditation sessions every single day for 8 months while not improving one bit....) then how can a regular normal person with no such inner Drill Sergeant capabilities (or should I say disorders...) that may be even more acutely sick than I am, pull it off? No, I'm not bitter...I'm exhausted...

As much as I feel quite crushed by my lack of progress in the hyperventilation department, I feel excited that my blood glucose levels continue to improve.

Finally something is going my way, a program for health is actually seemingly working the way it's supposed to for me. I don't think I ask for too much, all I want to see is some sign of improvement over time, and the RRARF program is definitely giving me plenty to be happy about.

Overall my health that of course took a bit of a nose dive when I began RRARF (as a normal reaction to overeating, and thus waking up the low metabolism) is slowly becoming stable. The migraines are finally gone, thankfully. For a while there I feared that my chronic migraines that I suffered from earlier in my life, would return, and that would have been hell. They didn't it seems, and I've recently noticed that my energy levels are much better. I'm again able to bike to the food store on my own, making my boyfriend's life easier. My skin is getting better again, and the acute dizzy and nausea spells are totally gone too.

I guess I'm having a good day today. I feel strong, and confident about my work and my progress, I even feel good enough to resume social life and am going to a cafe with a good friend for some serious chatting. I see the resemblance of a normal life returning. I'm still doing RRARF but instead of eating every 30 minutes I'm eating every 2 hours now, and I'm more active in daily life, but I still am not exercising. I feel OK about that too though and right now I'm turning more of my focus onto my breath work. The trick is to find a level of work where I am stable and not getting too sick from clearing reactions, but still pushing enough to go forward. It's a very hard to find "sweet spot" that I'm currently looking for.

Last but not least, it's also very possible that trying to push a low-carber through Buteyko training is a failing strategy, and that I'll have better luck this time around.

Feminism, Crying Camels, and Double Rainbows

2010-07-10T14:39:00.000-07:00

It's getting harder to eat a lot now. I'm kind of falling behind schedule. If I don't focus all my life energy on cooking and eating, it seems I forget to cook, and then I stand there late at night with sudden acute hunger and nothing to eat. It's not ideal but I'll just have to get on it and focus on always having cooked potatoes available and ready to be eaten. Canned tuna saved me twice in the last couple of days, but last night despite eating several slices of buckwheat bread after my four main meals that day, I still had to go to bed hungry. Bummer cause that's no good for metabolism. With allowing hunger to exist, I'm telling my body that we're still in starvation times, but that's not true anymore, and I've been trying to convince it that times of plenty are here to stay. Talk about giving conflicting signals to my body.....

Yesterday I saw a film called "the Story of the Weeping Camel". It was amazing, and inspiring. It's about this nomadic Mongolian tribe in the Gobi Desert. One of their camels is rejecting it's calf, so the family performs a sound healing ceremony for the camel. I won't tell how it ends.

Makes me want to leave my regular life, get a tent and move out into some wilderness with a few goats and camels. The only problem, in addition to my totally lacking skills, and know how in the herding area, is that I'd still need a community, because doing it alone or with only a few people couldn't work. I realize I'll never, in this life time get there. Perhaps in my next life? If there is one. That would be wonderful. I'll probably have to earn my way through quite a few life's to a high enough karma to get to be reborn a sheepherder though....(do they know how lucky they are?) lol.

It's just so enticing to me, cause the life of the Mongolian nomads seems so calm and harmonious. It makes me feel that I don't have a chance at regaining my health unless I do that level of change to my lifestyle.

On a side note, I know the gender roles among these nomadic people, are super traditional and that, in a perfect world, there would be individual choice, and total equality, but I frankly don't care about that so long as I am this unwell. I have found that for me, feminism has become secondary to my basic health. When health is lost, all bets, all ideologies, all ideals, all political struggles, are off and the only thing that matters is to regain health. Not that sexism in our society stops driving me insane with rage, but it's all secondary now, I just have to stay focused on my day to day coping, and leave the feminist struggle for later. When health is there, then there is energy to fight for equality, but for now I'm just struggling to heal myself. This is probably why health is, or ought to be, an important feminist issue. A really crucial one. Without healthy people, there won't be enough people to fight any kind of fight. Political change will be stalled by ill health.

Anyways, I also wish that there was some healing ritual for me, that there were people playing and singing for me to heal, and that in one magical moment all could be restored to harmony. I wonder if it's too late for me? If I'm too far away from my body's natural harmony to ever fully restore it, or if there still is a chance at a balanced health for me?

My breathing is still so bad and my Buteyko teachers wants me to start pushing again. I feel too tired to push anything at all at the moment, but am unsure how else to get out of this low CP hole....?

I wish there was an easier way, a way of calm relaxing breath restoration. What happens to me is that I get violently ill with clearing reactions when I push my breath holds. I get to a level of total exhaustion and symptoms so severe I become handicapped, and completely home bound. I'm not sure what to do yet. All I know is that my breathing is really bad, and something has to be done to restore it, but my energy reserves are running low after daily breath work since December -09. Frankly my faith is falling too. The effort and suffering has been immense and the improvements minimal. So here I am, trying to find a way as usual. Making my own treatment decisions. Trying to be level headed and wise and rational, while my brain is not getting enough oxygen due to my severe hyperventilation problem. Sigh....(no I mean, short breath hold of 5 seconds, then shallow breathing. No sighing allowed at this low CP).

I'm totally like those kids Weston A Price came upon, skinny, unhealthy, weak, neurotic, with crooked teeth, deformed skulls, and open mouths, hyperventilating to get air.....I'm a mess. I do think though that I have it within me somehow to find a solution. I'm such an optimist.

Here is another fellow mouth breather that is getting hysterical at the sight of a double rainbow. It's so endearing to know that I'm not alone. lol. But I think I've laughed so much at this video that my CP has dropped several seconds. It's quite possibly worth the cost in CO2 though...On a more serious note, I think the video is a great example of how much we have lost our connection to nature, and how deeply we crave it, and how meaningful it can be to us.

Rehabilitative Rest and Aggressive Re-Feeding

2010-06-28T15:27:00.001-07:00

So, I've been on some kind of form of the RRARF and HED programs for 3 weeks now. RRARF means "Rehabilitative Rest and Aggressive Re-Feeding", HED means "High Everything Diet". I'm not able to eat everything yet, and many sadly never be, but I'm at least on the right road towards that goal now. I'm also not able to fully engage in rehabilitative rest. I do my best, but I'm not a person who is very good at resting. I certainly don't exercise, but I'm also not on the recommended bed rest. However, I know I'm doing something right cause not only have I gained 10 pounds, but I've already achieved one of my health goals, after only 3 weeks on this program, which is freaky fast in my opinion and from my experience with anything natural. Usually it's "wait for 3 months and then see how you feel". But this method seems to be working wonders in no time. It's also using metrics, and I really like that I'm able to monitor and immediately see any improvements or signs of going in the wrong direction.

One of my many goals were to improve my blood glucose levels. And I found out today that I did hit my target on the postprandial blood glucose levels, that's the one hour after a meal test. I started out getting between 106 and 117 mg/dl. Today I scored 95 mg/dl!!!! Wow. And I'm talking after a HUGE meal with one pound of potatoes, lots of meat, green beans, two tablespoons of raw butter, cranberries, and half a pint of potato water with raw ginger. A fully overfilling meal.

I really thought it would take me at least 3 months to see much of a change. Also, I'd expect at least one full year of this before any major healing could be seen. So, to say the least I'm very impressed so far.

Matt Stone writes:
"Getting under the triple digit level is a great sign that your glucose metabolism and insulin sensitivity is outstanding.

A low postprandial reading tells you that when glucose rises, insulin is secreted, and because your cells are so responsive to the insulin (the opposite of being “resistant” to it), it stores the blood glucose out of the bloodstream in a very short amount of time. Your insulin is efficient. The system is working perfectly."
page 59, 180 Degree Diabetes

It feels so great to finally fit into any description of "the system is working perfectly". That's music to my ears for sure...

Struggling

2010-06-23T11:32:00.001-07:00

It's not easy being green. It's a struggle for sure. I feel out of breath and tired, frustrated that I still can't do yoga, and I'm gaining weight (I know that last thing technically a good thing, but it doesn't feel very good). My fasting blood glucose levels are rising, as seen in the image below. I've got a white coating on my tongue like the candida is just thriving....I've got PMS galore, and feel generally exhausted and bloated like I'm 5 months pregnant. I've got poor sleep, migraines, and I pee a lot, several times per night etc. I'm usually not one to care much about some weight gain anymore, since I've got much more serious health issues going on, but it does feel instinctively counterintuitive to eat loads, sit around and loaf, accept gain weight, breath heavier, and then try to mentally interpret all this as signs of improvements. It's opposed to everything we've been taught, and everything we're used to hear, I'm so incredibly indoctrinated to believe the societal ideals of: "exercise more, eat less, see weight gain as something very unhealthy etc," so, it's no wonder I'm feeling a bit...ehm.. apprehensive....But I do think that it's possible that doing what's opposite to the norm of a very unhealthy society, has got the biggest chance of success.

But then I have to also weigh the negative with the positive. It is a fact that my digestion is better than it's been in many, many years. For the last two weeks I have not had a diarrhea once. This is incredible. It might have been 20 years since that last happened actually. I also don't have any cravings for sugars anymore. This is something that has not happened in my lifetime. Not that I can remember at least. I was raised on sugar, and my mum and dad both were eating lots of sugar, and refined foods at all times, conceiving/pregnant or not. So, for me, insulin resistance may very well have come from the moment of conception. So, it may very well be that I've never experienced a sugar-craving-free existence before. My edema has also improved a lot, and even my eye lids seem better. I also am super happy to be free from all supplements. So, for all these reasons I'm going to stick with it a while longer. My basal body temperature seems higher too, but that could be due to ovulation. Time will tell. Most importantly, I'm so glad to not be raw-milk-depressed anymore. I'm trying to turn the milk I had remaining into yoghurt, since that's supposed to be easier to digest even if one is allergic to dairy.

On a positive note, my Postprandial (1 hour after eating) blood glucose reading was: 100 mg/dl, so that seems to be improving a bit. It used to top at 117 mg/dl.

Raw Milk Depression

2010-06-21T19:50:00.001-07:00

So far the journey into high carb has been going super well. I was especially excited to add back dairy products into my diet, after not having eaten any at all in the last 3 years. To my joy, it seemed my body was tolerating the addition of something I had been missing dearly for so many years: raw milk. Despite my initial success, for the last few days I noticed, it's hard not to, that I've felt very depressed. I was surprised at this cause there was no real change in my life, no real reason to suddenly become depressed. Though I've sadly got an awful lot of experience with depression, it did strike me as very strange for it to hit so suddenly. Then on the other hand, I thought, that's often the nature of depression, its a random symptom that really often seems to have got nothing to do with anything. For me it often appears as if it strikes out of the clear blue sky. It can take years of therapy to figure out the underlying causes. Then I also thought that depression is, in addition to a symptom of trauma etc, a classical mental health issue. I thought to myself that it's entirely possible that I am just mentally ill for no reason at all, and I just need to accept it. With these dark thoughts, I dragged my legs behind me trying to get through the days who had become so filled with certainty that "yes, everything has lost it's meaning...".The mysterious pain of depression is something that I find hard to describe in words, and at the time, I didn't even feel like it was worth trying to explain anything.

Then I remembered a girl I met once in Liverpool. She had told me she was allergic to gluten and that, to my astonishment , her symptom of this gluten allergy was the sudden onset of severe depression, anxiety and mood swings. She said "I become completely crazy if I eat gluten". At the time, I had not yet suffered nearly as much from health issues as I have today, so my knowledge of the body/mind connection was very limited. I have to admit that I didn't believe her. I thought she was having a mental health issue and that it somehow manifested itself as a fear of gluten. However, I didn't fully discredit her, I just thought it's more likely that her symptoms were caused by something entirely psychological. Despite this, her story came back to me these last few days and I wondered, could this be? Can allergies manifest as depression? Could my recent depression be caused by the fact that I had reintroduced a product that is wildly known for being a very common allergen; milk? To test my theory I cut out drinking raw milk for a day. Immediately, I returned to my old happy self. So, I feel so grateful to that girl who so bravely and honestly told me her important story, and so sorry that I hadn't believed her until now. This is where personal experience is crucial, but it also illustrates the importance of sharing the wisdom one has earned the hard way. I figure I would follow in her footsteps by writing about it in my blog. Since I haven't had wheat nor gluten in many, many years that's not something I'll need to include into my personal research this time around, but her experience translated easily into my milk reintroduction.

As I searched around on goolge I found many references to food allergies causing depression, below are two of them:

"In addition to gastrointestinal problems, one study has reported a correlation in women between lactose intolerance and a higher risk of depression and PMS."
http://truestarhealth.com

"Intolerance to specific foods can often cause depression and anxiety."
http://www.wheatanddairyfree.com/wheatdairyfreeintolerances.htm

"undigested casein can have strong psychoactive and allergenic properties."
http://www.180degreehealth.com/not-milk.html

Don't get me wrong though. In my case, this is a specific circumstance. I don't think that all depression is caused by milk at all. Other forms of depression that I have suffered from during my life, has been treated with huge success by psychotherapy, despite continuing to eat dairy, but this particular bout of depression felt very physical in some "hard-to-define" way. There are so many forms of depression and apparently, I get to learn a lot from each and every one that I run into. I'm just so relieved and grateful to be out of depression and back into my regular self. It's like night and day. To think what I would have had to endure if this girl I met years ago had not told me her secret knowledge. We most certainly all need each other.

Wisdom learned

2010-06-17T09:58:00.000-07:00

I was reading over at 180 Degree Health and came over some wise words on the psychology of diets and health from Matt Stone. The below quote is from an article Matt wrote on zentofitness.com and I think it sums things up really well for me:

"...my own blog has become somewhat of a refuge for those who have literally tried too hard – who have been TOO dedicated to becoming healthy. It was this obsessive mindset that led them over the edge of a cliff.

"That cliff is the highly-restricted and extreme diet and/or exercise program. I know this mentality well. I spent 15 years in it. I thought, like most, that health was the dividend paid for diligence, dedication, and discipline – the three D’s of disaster when it comes to health."

"The human body is not a stubborn horse that needs motivation to do the right thing. It’s not a slacker employee of yours that needs some inspiration to do things intelligently and efficiently. It does not respond like you intend it to when you treat it with brute force. If you are your body’s Drill Sergeant instead of its humble caregiver, you’ll be damn lucky if you escape its wrath long-term. You ain’t the boss of you. You are the servant of you – the gardener of you – the caretaker of you."

I think I'm learning this slowly but surely. My way of coping has always been the three D's of disaster. It's not easy to change but it certainly seems to be doable, even for me to change this old destructive pattern that no longer serves me, or never did. On RRARF, I have learned to eat better, and take more naps, I'm so relieved that my daily nausea is totally gone so I can actually lie down during the day without the risk of throwing up. Onwards and forwards from here! I think RRARF heals some of that driven mental aspects of overdoing things. RRARF seems to awaken my inner sloth. I never knew I could be this lazy and laid back. lol.

Sugarholic

2010-06-16T19:46:00.000-07:00

One thing that I have noticed is that my sugar cravings for the first time in my life actually have diminished since I began eating starches last week. I use to be like that Diana Schwarzbein, Matt Stone writes about in his eZines, the "biggest sugarholic on the planet" and this despite being off all cane sugar for over 10 years now. I remember reading that when you first cut out sugar "the first 8 weeks are difficult, but then the cravings disappear". Not so. Every diet I've ever been on has promised to deliver this state of no sugar cravings. But never, never for me. I was off sugar all these years purely on fear based discipline. I've know enough about the dangers of sugar to avoid it like the pest, but the cravings were still there every day, several times per day. I've even worked on it in therapy, writing down each craving, noting how long it lasted and how intense it was etc. But nothing ever helped. And when I read in one of Matt Stone's eBooks that his program allows people to drop their cravings, I didn't hardly blink, just noticed that "there's that old mirage again" it has no relevance to me. I am a hopeless case that has to think like an alcoholic, and accept a life long suck towards sweets, but I just have to be really, really strong, like any recovering alcoholic, and say no every time to all sweets. I also got really pissed off reading in "Sugar Blues" how Willima Dufty claimed to get all these health benefits from just cutting out sugar. I would curse him for making it sound so easy. I quit sugar and saw absolutely zero health benefits. None what so ever. But I still realize how harmful sugar is and was able to stay off of it all these years. But the cravings never went away, and I never improved from it. It felt like the biggest sacrifice, and I never saw the plusses. Call me stubborn, or determined. I'd call me motivated.

I started eating green stevia last year, and thought that it was a life saver. However it's led me to a chronic daily craving for this stevia sweetened "flan" I'd be compelled to make each and every night no matter how tired I was. But this last week, I've not been in the mood at all to make flan to my great surprise. Every time I've thought about making it I've felt like eating potatoes instead. THIS IS HUGE!!!!!! NO! I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND!!!!! IT'S HUGE!!!!!

Only if you yourself are a sugarholic, and have been off sugar for over 10 years, and still have had several bouts of cravings every day for those 10 years, will you fully understand how incredibly HUGE this is for me. I'm chocked. Totally chocked. I absolutely never thought that I would be able to overcome this addiction of mine, (other than trying to get through one day at a time). It's amazing. Cause those daily sugar cravings translate into a lot of inner suffering. Not to mention I was at risk every day to actually fall off the ladder and begin a sugar binge again. This lack of cravings is so encouraging to me, I wanted to write about it to make myself realize that this time, things are perhaps different. This is perhaps not just another diet. This is perhaps something that actually works for me.

The edema on my legs also speaks volumes with it's absence. For 3 years every day I've wondered about it. I've been to the best doctors and they have wondered about it with me. My eyelids are also a lot better. It's 7:30 pm and they look like I just woke up. These are amazing changes for the better. I do feel encouraged about all of this. Still, I'm exhausted and tired of being sick, and too bitter to feel optimistic. At the same time I feel more hopeful than I have in a very, very long time. Cautiously hopeful.

Tired

2010-06-16T11:33:00.001-07:00

Woke up with a CP of 19 seconds this morning after being over 25 almost every day for the last week. It's so discouraging. I'm feeling really tired of dealing with all these symptoms. I work super hard and yet I feel like I'm not getting anywhere. There is a mountain of symptoms in my way. Matt Stone writes on his 180DegreeHealth.com blog that "all of the endless array of health problems that stem from this physical state (ie low metabolism), (Mark Starr's chapter on symptoms of low body temperature for example, is 83 pages long)", feels just about right for me.....

Psychologically speaking I'm feeling bummed out cause I'm just not sure that my hard work will ever pay off. At least I'll have buckwheat pancakes for lunch.

Here are my stats for this week:

Basal body temperature: 98.04 F
Fasting Glucose Levels: 98 mg/dl
Postprandial (1 hour after eating): 103 mg/dl
Blood Pressure: 116/65 (pulse 89)
How do I feel: Not good.

Push that CP!

2010-06-14T12:02:00.000-07:00

I saw this video about a freediver and it really inspired me! This guy has got a seriously high CP (control pause)!!!! It makes me want to take up diving to improve my CP! lol. My goal is to one day be able to sit still and hold my breath while looking at this video from start to end (I still can't even imagine doing it while engaging in physical activity. How does this guy do it?). Right now I only make it from the moment he goes under water until the moment he stands by the edge looking down....I honestly think watching this video alone makes my CP improve. lol. "You make me feel stronger", for sure. And to those who think it's fake, think again....it's not. The Hatha Yoga masters knew it. Dr Buteyko proved it. Well, ok techinically this video is a "fake", BUT the point is, human beings can hold their breaths for many minutes, and this video is very inspirational to me. Also, the music is good.

A clue?

2010-06-13T14:30:00.000-07:00

Related to my previous post on my search for a connection between hyperventilation (low CP), chronic infections, and low basal body temperature, I just found out from my Buteyko Yahoo group that:

"cold hands and feet is a symptoms of hyperventilation"

Wow, how interesting is that! Cause that is also a symptom of low basal body temperature. I'm onto you, chronic infection, low basal body temperature, and low CP!!!!! I'm onto you!

In other big news: today I'm making buckwheat pancakes...yum....I'm using my Colombian Stone Mill to grind the whole buckwheat. A Native American man once told Weston A. Price that grains should be ground and then immediately consumed or else, the Native man said "something gone" (page 497). I can only assume he was referring to something healthy, like some kind of mineral. I'll take my advice from Native American guy with perfect teeth, health and probably really high CP. But I'm also soaking the buckwheat in lemon juice for seven hours, just to be sure. This might increase the mineral content further, and eliminate phytic acids present in all grain, as mentioned in Sally Fallon's cookbook "Nourishing Traditions" (page 452). However, sprouting and soaking is actually never mentioned in Price's book "Nutrition and Physical Degeneration", and this confuses me, but so long as I eat the ground grains the same day I think I'm in decent shape here.

The hand mill is a thing of beauty, I think. I bought this on eBay about two years ago with the intention of one day being able to use it for making some kind of gluten free sourdough bread "once my candida was healed". Well, that day didn't come, so I'm beginning to use it now anyways in an attempt not to starve the candida, but to feed my immune system on operation RRARF (Rehabilitative Rest and Aggressive Re-Feeding, from 180 Degree Health).

Acute CP drop!

2010-06-13T14:03:00.000-07:00

Tonight my CP dropped to below 5 seconds due to a sudden summer heat wave. Not ok. It started during the day yesterday, I began to hyperventilate due to the heat, and was unable to stop the trend despite doing my breathing exercises. Then in the night it got acute. Once I realized that my CP was that low -thankfully I woke up for some reason to discover what was going on- partly from me trying to check it, and being unable to make it to 5 seconds, and partly because my breathing was so loud, noisy, short and sharp I knew something was not right (that might have been what woke me up). I sat up in bed the rest on the night doing short breath holds and VSB (very shallow breathing) the best I could until I was finally able to hold for 10 seconds, then I continued at that EP until the sun went up. All night....no sleep....

Such a dramatic CP drop due to some warmer weather has got to be due to having such a low general CP even on cold days. I'm kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place here though. My CP doesn't seem to rise above 20 seconds no matter how many breathing exercises I do or for how long (I've been doing 4 sittings per day for 6 months now). But as soon as I begin to push my EPs (extended pauses) beyond the double rate of my morning CP (ie 40 seconds), I get so violently ill that my CP doesn't improve because the body seems overwhelmed.....It's totally frustrating. I suspect that it's cause I've got some kind of chronic infection in my body that prevents progress.

Artour Rakhimov writes in his "Big Book" on the Buteyko metod that:

"cavities in teeth mean presence of various types of pathogens in the mouth. These pathogens, which are often anaerobes, generate exceptionally powerful toxins swallowed with saliva. Even tiny amounts of these toxins produce 2 effects:
- the global impact on breathing (the CP will remain below 30-40 s unless the source of infection is eliminated);
- the local impact on the regions located further along the digestive conveyor, especially on the stomach and the
duodenum intensifying, for example, existing inflammation. " page 234

He also mentions other infections like intestinal parasites and candida (athlete's foot). So even though I'm not sure where my infections are (even though I suspect both candida infection, cavities and other areas of low grade infections. I suspect this due to my inflammatory conditions), I think I can conclude that general infections = bad for breathing. So, does that make me stuck? I don't know. I think I'll just have to hope that increasing my basal body temperature (if I can succeed in that...) will help eliminate the infections so that my continued Buteyko work can actually improve my CP. I am sure that a high CP is essential for health and well being.

I have not yet been able to find out if a low CP causes a low basal body temperature or not? All I know for now is that overheating is bad for the breathing, it causes more hyperventilation. I also know that infections can prevent CP for improving, and I know that a low basal body temperature also causes infections and inflammation. For sure there is a connection there.

Goodbye My Low Carb Anti-Candida Diet

2010-06-12T20:31:00.000-07:00

I wanted to share what the last three years of my dietary life has looked like. The transformation of what I'm doing right now is quite radical and significant.

The low carb diet I've been following until now has been super strict and geared towards being anti-candida. The idea being that any and all sugars feed candida, and even too much carbs feed candida. Things like grains, seeds and starches are considered to be too high in glucose, making them food for candida. So, the idea is that in order to starve the candida, carbs must be kept very low. However, I think I may have been also starving myself in the process. Oh well, you live and you learn.

What I've been eating for the last three years is the following:
Rations per day:
70 grams protein
56 grams carbs
175 grams fat

All and any Organic meats:
Chicken, turkey, pork, goose, duck, fish, shrimps, scallops, tobiko, crab, grass fed beef, chicken livers, eggs etc.

Low Glycemic Index Organic Vegetables:
Broccoli, kale, asparagus, bok choy, brussel sprouts, eggplant, leek, onions, peppers, squash, zuccini, cabbage, spinach, qucumber, tomatoes, radishes, green beans, parsley, dandelion greens, romaine lettuce, guacomole, water cress, etc. (but not beets, carrots, etc because of it's higher glycemic index. (This is particularly annoying to me now learning how fructose is not part of what determines glycemic index, but only glucose, and I can tell you for sure that fructose feeds candida....)

Spices:
Basil, cayenne pepper, cilantro, cinnamon, clove, coriander, dill, fennel, garlic, ginger, nutmeg, saffron, tumeric, thyme etc.

Natural/animal Fats:
Unrefined, virgin coconut oil, lard, raw butter, duck fat, olive oil.

Drinks:
Filtered water with sea salt and lemon juice.
Pau D'Arco tea (I discontinued this after 2 years because it was so tiring to make it)

Supplements:
Cod Liver Oil (Garden of Life) 1 tablespoon/day
Unrefined, virgin coconut oil, 5 tablespoons/day
Vitamin C, 4000 mg/day
Vitamin E, 400 IU/day
Vitamin B multi vitamin, 100 mg
Niacin, 100 mg/day
Magnesium citrate, 600 mg/day
Calcium citrate, 600 mg/day
Celtic Sea Salt, 1.5 teaspoon/day
Garlic, one clove per meal
Oil of Oregano (to manage endometriosis pain)
Sauerkraut (1/4 cup/meal)
Weekly Epsom Salt baths
Dry skin brushing

What has been off the list, ie things I have not eaten in three long years:
grains
nuts
starchy vegetables
beans
lentils
dairy (except raw butter)
fruits (except lemon, and lime)
tea (except herbal tea but that was too dehydrating for me)
coffee (I added decaf coffee three months ago out of desperation, and found that it helped manage my diarrhea super well)
sweeteners (except green unrefined stevia)
anything refined

It has been quite strict, and quite a challenge psychologically and physiologically speaking. On top of that, I can honestly say that I didn't feel better or even decent, and saw no improvements in my underlying condition. I did however experience many, many detox reactions (daily nausea, severe daily diarrhea, bloating, hair loss, weight gain, exhaustion, racing heartbeat, migraine, violent mood swings, insomnia, brain fog, leg cramps, pressure in ears, red nose, ear infections, many red spots on my body, skin fungus, way worse thrush, grey spots on my teeth -not tooth decay but rather some sort of discoloration that might have been a detox thing what do I know -, inability to go to yoga class due to all my severe symptoms and overall muscle weakness, the list goes on).

New symptoms that I developed during this diet: I got daily edema of the lower legs and that is something I'd never in my life had before, and the daily diarrhea got a lot worse on this diet. It never improved. I also got severe tooth decay. It was reversed almost immediately once I began eating egg shell calcium instead of the supplemental calcium in tablet form.

Here is how the egg shell calcium looks. It's literally ground up egg shells. It actually is quite yummy too:

I'm so glad that I can say finally goodbye to all my supplements. They were helpful in the sense that they gave a feeling that things were progressing and that I was dedicated to my health. Other than that, they didn't seem to help. I'll keep the coconut oil though cause it's yummy.

Bee always said that it's not about starving the candida, or killing it with anti-fungals, but that it's about strengthening the immune system to the point of it winning over the candida. I agree with her 100% about that. It's just that I don't think a restricted dietary program has the power to strengthen the immune system to the point of dealing with candida. I think lost of Whole Foods, and lots of rest sounds like it has a much bigger chance of achieving this goal.

Did I learn something from doing this diet? Hell yes!
Am I glad that it's over? Ya betcha!

Matt Stone (180DegreeHealth.com), how can I ever thank you for pointing me towards that little rat whole that led me to reconnect with my own inner nutritional wisdom, and hopefully ultimately will lead me to a decent level of nutritional freedom?

You see, at this point, even if I develop all sorts of new health problems due to starches, fruits, grains or other age old Whole Foods, at least I will have enjoyed the ride, thoroughly..., and more importantly, I will have followed what I have always felt was the most basic nutritional, perhaps inherent, common sense: Whole Foods are good, mkay.

Chew, Chew!

2010-06-12T17:06:00.000-07:00

I eat so fast now that I have to tell myself "chew, chew!!!!" but I won't listen. I just gulp it all down. I think it shows how hungry I am on some cellular level. The low carb anti candida diet I was on, definitely had caloric restriction, but despite that, I always felt full after a meal. Thinking back though, I guess the fats, the bloating and nausea was really playing a trick on me. Perhaps I wasn't really feeling full at all. Now, eating potatoes, I feel hungry about every 30 minutes. It's that "I haven't eaten in weeks" level of painful hunger in my stomach, despite having just shoved a whole meal down there. It makes no sense, but I'll listen to my body, and to Matt Stone, and give it more, more, more.

I know I want to do the bed rest thing. Not actually lying down, since that would be hard for my breathing, but just sitting in bed, reading a book, listening to some music, mildly stretching etc. Taking it more easy than I honestly have in my whole life. I'm a "doer" and an overachiever so staying still is not going to be easy for me. And then there's all that inner stress that I'm not too sure exactly what to do about. But I'll have to give this my best attempt. First though, I need to reintroduce as much food as ever possible so that my system can handle taking up some of that nutrition.

In other news, the edema on my lower legs is better than it has been in three years!!!! I always knew it was the diet, I just didn't know what or how, or how to get out of it.

I also cut all supplements yesterday and that too is a HUGE relief. I like the idea of me being a person that doesn't have to drag along a neurotic looking pill box every time I leave the house....it sucks, or it used to suck, I should say. So, now I'm free from that too. No supplements will also help pay for the increase in food costs that will be inevitable judging from the rate at which I currently eat, at least temporarily until I get better and can eat less. It was surreal walking through the huge supplement isle at my local health store yesterday. Isle after isle filled with plastic pill boxes. To be able to just walk right through it without having to top and spend lots of time investigating, reading the ingredient lists, consider the cost, the possible benefits vs side effects etc. I just walked thought it and though to myself that Weston A. Price was so right when he said that, "supplements are not the way of nature", I saw it so clearly, this is not how the primitive people live.

Then I sneezed my way through the rest of my shopping due to my pollen allergies.....

In dietary updates, I can now tolerate the following foods without too much trouble:
potatoes
carrots
beets
blueberries

That is what I call success!

Quantum Healing and Fever Dreams

2010-06-11T20:30:00.000-07:00

For years now I've heard that many Endometriosis specialists have seen some kind of connection/correlation between Endo and Diabetes, ie blood sugar issues. So far though, I've not been able to get a hold of any of their studies/articles or explanations. Finally today when reading 180 Degree Health, I got my explanation. It's crystal clear and I'm not only glad to get the explanation, but doubly glad to have possible solutions to try.

"Type 2 diabetes is merely a health problem that begins with a very simple and common disorder called insulin resistance. Insulin resistance appears to primarily be a result of excessive inflammation and the cortisol that is released to mitigate that inflammation – although there are clearly numerous other hormonal factors involved, such as the thyroid hormones. That inflammation is caused by allergy, infection, glycation, free radical damage, and numerous other forms of inflammation-triggering events – all of which can be prevented by proper diet more than anything else we have at our disposal."
- page 72, 180 Degree Diabetes

And what is Endometriosis if not an inflammatory condition. So is inflammatory bowel disease. Both of which I live with, ie they thrive in my inner environment.

"Russell Farris has noted that chronic low-grade infection is one key source of inflammation. This chronic, low-grade infection leads to chronic, low-grade inflammation. The chronic low-grade infection leads to “chronic subtle hypercortisolism” as he likes to call it. This, in turn, triggers insulin resistance and the accumulation of excess visceral/belly fat and high
blood sugars."
page 42, 180 Degree Diabetes

That's me. It sums me up. Chronic infection that leads to chronic inflammation, high cortisol/stress levels, insulin resistance, belly fat. It all makes sense not! The good news is that a higher basal body temperature is what can get to that chronic infection that somehow seems to start it all off. Nothing else can get to that than to give myself the optimal, most protective "fever". And once the chronic infection is over, perhaps my CP will finally improve, and I can get the benefit of my hard work. It's all connected. I'm beginning to get it.

This also reminds me of a comment I read in Deepak Chopra's book Quantum Healing that has stuck with me as filled with valuable information. He said that he had often observed a mysterious fever right before very ill patients miraculously recovered. Not sure if it's related but I just associated to that.

So, now I'm dreaming of getting a fever. A low grade balanced fever of good enough metabolic homeostasis.

Stress and Cortisol

2010-06-11T16:29:00.000-07:00

Wow, I had to go to Whole Foods today and it really showed how low my tolerance for stress is. There was so much traffic and fumes on the way I was totally exhausted by the time I got back home. I had to stop the bike several times because I was to overwhelmed and exhausted. What a contrast from my walks through the quiet cobblestone streets of Stockholm that I just visited. Going out here was so jarring I wanted to cry. I'm sure my cortisol levels were spiking. Disaster. I'll have to be careful to only go to the food store on Sunday mornings when traffic is minimal. I wish I could hire someone to do my shopping for me during this rest period. Oh, yes and also someone to cook for me. That would be in order I think. lol. After going out, I felt anything but rested, and then it was time to start cooking. It's not easy to rest. That might be my biggest challenge in doing this program. I've never been one for resting. Oh, yes, and I forgot to mention the raging allergy attack I got when I was out too. Super sneezing, rinny nose and itchy eyes. Full on hay fever. My CP immediately dropped to 20 seconds (for a daytime CP that's terrible...), I really felt how draining allergies can be on the entire system....

I checked my blood pressure when I was out though, before the whole allergy thing. It seems a little low, 121/71. I guess low metabolism leads to low blood pressure? I prefer that to high blood pressure any day though.

(My thought confirmed over at www.180degreehealth.com: "And very low blood pressure almost always accompanies a low body temperature in underweight people.")

In other news, my Buteyko breathing teacher unexpectedly gave me some time off. Great timing for my resting time. I've been a little worried about how to rest while doing 4 Buteyko sittings per day. Now, I'll only need to do maintenance of 2 sittings per day for a few weeks. That's a huge relief for me. I'll really be able to rest. After today's escapades I fully realize the crucial importance of bed rest in order to heal. After all endometriosis and inflammatory bowel disease, not to mention insulin resistance and diabetes, is a lot worse than having a flue. Yet we run around like things are normal just because it's chronic. It's like having a chronic flue and not being able to rest....It seems like some serious common sense to rest up for a while.

To sum up my stats this week:
Basal body temperature 97.3 F
Blood Pressure: 121/71
Fasting Glucose Levels: 98 mg/dl
Postprandial (1 hour after eating): 106 mg/dl
Morning CP (Control Pause): 27 seconds

We'll see if I can get those numbers to improve over time. But this is definitely my starting point, in numbers. My main goal is to up my basal body temperature and hope that the rest will solve itself by my body's improved metabolism. That's the plan.

The Healing Potato

2010-06-11T09:13:00.000-07:00

Things are going extraordinarily well now. The first few days were definitely a rocky ride, but I'm so glad that I stuck with it. I was able to stick with it in part out of the desperation of feeling stuck, and in part thanks to my insane stubborn nature, and of course there was that possibility for me to email Matt Stone at 180 Degree Health directly to get some support and feel like I'm not in the process of dying or going insane after all.

Now things have really calmed down. I feel and look better than I have in a long time. My digestion is better than it has been in over 10 years. I'm chocked at the healing power of potatoes! Cause that's basically all I've been adding back so far. Eating what I normally eat, but just adding potatoes. Lots of potatoes.

Although I didn't check, cause I don't want to become obsessive about it, I could clearly tell that my symptoms of high blood sugar were not at all strong this morning. It seems my body has already adjusted to the starch load. My mood, on the contrary, was better than ever, to the relief of my poor boyfriend, and I didn't feel shaky or anything. I didn't feel desperate, despite realizing I didn't have potatoes cooked, so I had to chop some up and start boiling them, making my breakfast delayed with an hour. This is a situation that would have ordinarily been totally overwhelming to me, but I was able to calmly wait for those potatoes to boil. And it was well worth the wait too. The taste of freshly cooked potatoes, with raw butter, some sea salt, and pressed garlic is something straight out of heaven for a former low carber like myself. I'm in such a good mood I don't even care about all the sacrifices I've done to no avail, just to hit that brick wall in the end. I'm on the other side of the brick wall now. I'm out of that prison and all I can think of is how blue the sky is.

I I remember as a child, before loosing my health, how I'd often insist on eating potatoes, butter and salt despite my mum's different specialty sauces (with white flour in it coincidentally) that were available. My little body then obviously had some very deep wisdom, this was all that it needed (together with the salmon of course...). And I begin to feel connected to that body now, for the first time in a very, very, very long time. I had a double serving of breakfast, the first serving is seen here, just cause pictures are more fun than words:

To report from yesterday: My blood glucose level last night, 1 hour after a full meal of chicken, green beans, potatoes, sauerkraut, cranberries and some blueberries was: 106 mg/dl. Not too shabby all things considered.

Yesterday I'm was still very much pushing myself, adding berries and all, but still feeling so much better overall. I still had strong symptoms of high blood sugar, but not any more mood swings, just feeling dizzy, having a mild headache, and of course very tired. But resting is part of the whole program so it's not a big problem to feel tired.

Later today I plan on making buckwheat pancakes, to supplement my dinner....

Matt Stone to the rescue!!!

2010-06-10T10:46:00.000-07:00

What a relief!!!!

I've been able to get in contact with Matt Stone from 180 Degree Health, via email, and he's been so very generous in supporting me on my most recent journey out of -in his illustrative words- "low carb prison"... It feels so great to have a person that is so deeply knowledgeable about these issues, and who seems to have his feet on the ground. Because I sure don't feel connected to the ground at all anymore. I'm sort of free floating in high or low blood sugar land, trying to stick to making my meals, doing dishes and gulping down potatoes on my recently begun RRARF journey.

High or Low?

2010-06-10T09:27:00.000-07:00

So, clearly, three years of a low carb diet does nothing to reduce insulin resistance...Upon embarking on eating some potatoes, carrots and taking about 2 tablespoons of raw milk for three days, my 12 hour fasting glucose levels were 98....
The number speaks for itself...

"Anything over 90 is a huge red flag. Anything over 100 mg/dl and you can consider yourself more or less prediabetic. Over 110 mg/dl and you need a fully concentrated effort on bringing it back down."
-Matt Stone, page 59 , 180 Degree Diabetes

The strange thing for me is that for all these years I've believed that whenever I've felt those raging mood swings due to that shaky, strange, sugary-low feeling, I always assumed that it was hypoglycemia, ie low blood sugar levels. But now I'm not so sure anymore since that "don't talk to me before breakfast" feeling is the exact same string of symptoms I feel when it's been too long since I ate a meal, that is: dizziness, urgent desperation for food, grumpiness and inner rage. I was just beginning to feel a little bit of all those symptoms when taking this morning glucose test. By the time I had made breakfast, about an hour later though, I was fully shaky and desperate....

At the end of the day, it might not matter if my blood sugar is high or low, the point is that I now know I'm dealing with insulin resistance. The cure, hopefully, is: whole foods. At least that's what I'll try. I know for sure it wasn't fixed by following a low carb protocol...

(btw, the clock on the glucose meter is two hours late....I must clear my name, I'm a good Swede..."early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise"...)

Diet Change Update

2010-06-09T16:45:00.000-07:00

Things are not going very well at all. I feel low. I feel dizzy. I have a headache. I have two spots in my face. I have mood swings caused by extreme hypoglycemia. I feel desperately hungry. I have serious brain fog. I feel depressed. This is a disaster. I can't do this. Perhaps I should just get some of that dissected thyroid and eat it to see if that could up my body temperature? I feel awful. But the raw milk has helped my digestion a lot it seems. Perhaps it's not the raw milk that has helped at all though. It might be the simple as the fact that I've quit taking 6 tablespoons of coconut oil and 1 of cod liver oil every day that has helped?

I might just skip all of this re-introduction and stick with the low carb anti-candida diet. Stay with the devil you know, so to say. But that thought is making me feel even more depressed. Not sure what to do, and with this level of brain fog I feel less and less able to make a good decision. I guess I already made my decision and should stick to it for at least a month before I turn away from it....After all, I used to be able to think despite drinking milk before this low carb diet, and that was pasteurized milk I used to drink then....I still hope Matt Stone is right, that I just need to work out my metabolic system and get my body temperature to rise....I am always amazed at my never ending optimism. After years of failed treatments, I still think "this is totally going to work!" So take that optimistic attitude you evil blood sugar levels! I'll work you out!!!!

3 years and I'm done playing Eskimo!

2010-06-08T18:32:00.000-07:00

I've been reading Matt Stone's free eBook (www.180degreehealth.com) and it was definatley a very eye opening read, and fun too, I should add. Below are some of my responses to what I've learned, put into the context of my own healing journey. Matt Stone writes:

"The ideal end goal for everyone is to be able to eat the greatest variety of foods, properly digest the greatest variety of foods, properly metabolize the greatest variety of foods, and experience great health with the absolute minimum number of dietary restrictions and limitations."

Amen to that!

He also writes:
"We can mimic what healthy people ate all day long, but it’s really the metabolic state that they were in that gave them such phenomenal health. If you don’t get there, you don’t have that health experience."

And that just about sums up my problems. I've been trying to eat like an Eskimo for three years and I'm just not getting to experience health...

One of the new issues that have occurred with my current low carb, anti-candida diet is one that I've not had the courage to discuss here until now because it's been so totally freaking me out. It's my recent tooth decay. Tooth decay is something I had never experienced in my life before, and it was always the one thing I knew I could count on: the strength of my teeth. They are yellow and crooked, but never had a cavity and thus they have always represented the most reliable and strong part of my body.

I am a person who grew up in Sweden, eating all refined foods. Breakfast was white bread with margarine, and some other pasteurized dairy product on the bread, like cheese, or messmor. For drink I'd have low fat milk with sugary chocolate in it. Then lots of pasteurized yoghurt and filmjolk. Dinner was refined school foods and the evening meal consisted of lots and lots of white refined bread, followed by crackers or ice cream by the TV. I developed a severe sugar addiction very early on, and have spent my whole life obsessed with candy, ice cream, cookies, crackers, sugared jam etc. I thought as a child and teenager that I could eat sugar and candy because not only did I not gain any weight, but remained very skinny my whole life (until the low carb diet when I began to gain weight, something I was very proud of and happy about since I always felt that my low body weight was a fundamental sign and cause of my ill health), I also never got any cavities in my teeth, nor did I get diabetes. Those were the things I was told were a problem with candy. Little did I know how many other issues there were....

Then I met my American partner and he told me all about the health issues sugar was responsible for. His dad who's a doctor emailed us lots of information on this topic and I was wide eyed and immediately began trying to cut out all sugar including candy. That's when I realized I was an addict. I tried to cut it ouf for a whole year, totally unsuccessfully. Then I got my pre-diagnosis of endometriosis and I finally had the motivation I needed to quit. I quit cold turkey then and there, and haven't touched candy since then, but there is so much more to sugar than just candy. I also still have an addiction to dark chocolate, 100% raw chocolate is too high in caffeine for me, it also triggers me to want to binge on it, so I need to stay at a safe distance from all chocolate.

Despite my daily struggles with sugar addictions, I've been off of candy and all refined cane sugar for 10 years now. That has not helped my health much though. Probably cause I only cut out sugar, but not fructose. I kept eating lots and lots of fruits for years as a way to cope with the addiction. And I mean, I ate LOTS of fruit. Fruit became my substitute to handle the constant sugar cravings. And fruit juices. I was big into them. Highly concentrated fructose drinks.....Damn, even on Bee's diet I had lemon as an electrolyte drink every day, filled with fructose. What a nightmare. In the last few years I've tried being vegetarian, strict vegan, I've tried the Endometriosis diet, and now last time around it was the low carb diet. I remember reading on forums about how people with Endometriosis felt so much better after cutting out sugar, caffeine or dairy. And for me, I cut it all out, and nothing changed at all. I never felt better.

My health likely didn't improve becuse I found out too late about the dangers of sugar and even later about the dangers of gluten and refined grains. When I finally got the message, I was at a point where my whole organism had already become so overhwelmed I had an auto immune disease like Endometriosis on my hands, closely followed by pretty severe inflammatory bowel disease.

Though I've always been very skinny, I've also always had a bit of a belly pouting out, hid well by my clothes but also something I've never been able to get rid of no matter how many sit-ups I'd do each day.

Also, I've always had super severe hypoglycemia with terrible mood swings. Cutting out refined sugars helped that problem, but getting on the low carb candida diet made me almost insane with low blood sugar mood swings. I can't tell you how many times I'd nearly have a full on nervous breakdown in the kitchen, especially in the mornings before breakfast. Making my meals seemed to be an impossible task that life asked of me. My psychologist even thought it was PTSD, but I'm sure it was the diet. It didn't make sense to me though, and I figured it was part of the detox reactions, but now I realize that my blood sugar levels were actually getting worse, not better. It stabilized after about 2.5 years, but it's still not great, and what 2.5 years it's been...But it seems my body has finally gotten used to the low carb situation.

Despite my terrible sugar-high diet growing up, I can say for sure that I ate a lot of everything. My amounts of mega eating went down in family history on several occasions. Once as a 10 year old I ate 24 meatballs in one sitting. Another time I ate 16 sandwiches. And everyone always kept saying "how can you eat so much and still never gain any weight?". I alwasy thought this was a negative thing, like something was wrong with me, but I realize now that I probably just had high metabolism from eating so much.

Anyways, I always was very happy that I'd never had a single cavity in my life (apart from one I got as a child in a milk tooth that I dropped later). This was the case my whole life until I got on Bee's low carb candida diet. Within a year I could see several black and grey spots in my teeth. Bee just said it was part of the detox process but I always doubted that. I thought perhaps it's the lemon causing this, so I quit lemon, then I thought perhaps it's the sauerkrat, so I quit that. The dark spots just continued to grow in size and number. By the end of the 3 year program I could no longer count the black spots they were so many (over 30 in the teeth I could see, I was never able to look at the upper teeth, just the lower row). I was so sad and concerned about this, and desperate as I knew this was the opposite of signs of my health returning. Especially since I'd seen no other health improvements either. Then my psychologist suggested I might be low in calcium and that might be causing my horrible edema. (I hadn't told her either about my tooth decay either). So, I began eating egg shells. I know it's an extreme but it was all I could think of that wouldn't feed the candida, and that was thus Bee approved. Within a few days I was stunned to see many of my dark black and grey spots in my teeth disappear or become less prominent. Within two weeks my teeth looked mostly white again. The I had a digestive disaster associated with eating the egg shells (much like eating glass, if you don't chew long enough it will have serious consequences...). Remember I've got inflammatory bowel disease. Even though I don't yet know how to go about fixing my issues, I think I solved this one mystery. I was low in calcium and that was what was causing my tooth decay. Mind you, I had not one fruit during these last 3 years....No sugar of course. Super strict candida diet. This proves to me beyond all doubt that it's not the fructose causing tooth decay, but it's just as Weston A Price says, that it's a lack of essential nutrients, minerals and vitamins. Clearly a low carb diet is not sufficient to provide enough of this important mineral, at least not if you can't eat dairy products, or egg shells like me.

Now the question remains, how do I get enough calcium without consuming any dairy or grains? I'd been taking calcium supplements this whole time, so that proves to me how useless supplements can be.

Now, reading Matt Stone's eBook, I was intrigued not only by the evidence that perhaps low carb is not the answer after all, but to an interesting passage on infections. He has observed in literature that problematic nutrition can lead to insulin and leptin resistance, this can lead to low body heat, and that in turn can lead to infections. The infections can lead directly to disease or indirectly. I thought this was just too much of a coincidence with the Buteyko breathing work I'm doing.

My Buteyko teachers Ryan Bowie and Christopher Drake has seen people in the cities have much worse clearing reactions when trying to reduce their hyperventilation syndromes. People in the country side, they say, suffer less and see their CPs rise faster. Buteyko also was very aware that CP cannot improve when there is a serious infection active in the body. If our refined diets cause a lot of infections, then this might be why my CP is not improving despite my best efforts and despite my initial success in upping my CP fo 10 to 20 seconds. We generally eat more refined foods in the cities and especially in the US. So, if people living in the countryside have better metabolism overall thanks to having more of a whole foods diet, then they won't have as much infection in the body, causing severe clearing reactions and preventing CP from going up. Candida is really nothing but an infection, a yeast infection. Perhaps that's why I can't improve, because I have too much active infection in my body due to my low metabolism and low basal body temperature. It might also be due to the many cavities still active...cavities are also infections.

My diet is no longer a refined one, and is even low in fructose now. However my diet is too low in crucial minerals like phosphorous and calcium, as evidenced by my recent tooth decay, and my body temperature is so low I can't fight off candida infections or other infections very well.

Perhaps if I add back more whole grains and raw milk, this will solve my mineral deficiency, and if I manage to eat enough and rest enough perhaps my body temperature can go up, and thus my infections that prevent my CP from improving can be conquered.

What a mess I am.....but it's a plan for sure.

I'm so glad that Matt Stone has the health, mental clarity and stamina to read through all these books for people like me. I'm stuck with ill health, concentration problems, brain fog, memory issues, and that on top of my life long dyslexia...for me reading just one or two of those thick books on nutrition takes many months....I'm chance-less if I'm supposed to figure this all out on my own. So, I feel lucky, very lucky to have run into Matt Stone's webpages, so filled with information but in reasonably short format.

Apparently when metabolism is lower than optimal, the body temperature sinks. I know from trying to monitor my cycle as a way to understand my fertility and use it as a contraceptive (I recently learned it's actually more effective in preventing pregnancies than the contraceptive pill. It also gives knowledge about ones body and the opportunity to try to conceive if one would like to. I've never taken the contraceptive pill due to my weak health, so this was a huge piece of information for me. In school they told us that this method was as good as useless.) In the process I discovered to my surprise that my basal body temperature is impossibly low. My charts never reach a normal temperature shown in the examples. I've always had cold feet and hands too.

I definitely feel like a FOOL for falling for the low carb, anti candida dietary ideas, but I try to remind myself to be a little compassionate with myself. My intentions were always coming from a good place, a place for healing, for finding a way out of disease in a natural holistic way and to then, after I'd succeeded, be able to help others who suffer like me. I have so far failed miserably, but my heart and intention is still in a place that is fundamentally good, even though it seems to have led me to torture and abuse myself quite a bit. But now I'm starting over, again, and I honestly can't wait. I am filled with optimism and new information, and so long as there is life, there is hope.

I don't quite know where my optimism and hope comes from, but I know I'm one of the most stubborn people I've ever run into, and that is something that has come to benefit me these last years. My rigidity is both working for and against me though, since I can stay on a diet that isn't working for 3 years fully strict. I can only do my best though, and I am and I have been.
It's a journey for sure....

Matt explains that the basal body temperature is low because
"...your body is running low on something, adrenal hormones or vitamins and minerals."

My basal body temp was well below 97.8 F for all but 11 days in January 2010. This means I'm lacking in something, ie I suffer from hypothyroidism. Today my temperature was 97.2.

The Anti-Diet

2010-06-05T02:45:00.000-07:00

"...eat the food, enjoy it, nourish yourself as abundantly as you can, rejoice in that, live your life, experience all the positive mood enhancement of doing that and keep your fingers crossed [...]"
-Matt Stone

This sounds like music to my ears. I heard it on a blog I just stumbled upon on YouTube called 180degreehealth.
http://www.youtube.com/user/180degreehealth#p/u/24/mb81D_2PW4I

It seems, after all, I'm not the only one who has been struggling with diets and getting close to nowhere. It's wonderful to find a community of people who, like me, have not been able to succeed in health despite following very strict dietary programs. The person who runs the site, Matt Stone, seems to be totally aware and open about all the confusion that's involved in trying to live a healthy lifestyle. Even the WAP (Weston A Price) community has seemingly not succeeded in gaining health. There are a lot of problems involved and I feel it's so important that we can discuss those problems openly to try to reach good conclusions. As things are currently in cyberspace, people who are involved in different diet programs are often so closed to any opposing ideas one cannot even begin to question a theory without being either excluded from the group or become part of a flaming situation. This is why I rarely try to discuss opposing thoughts on the forums I'm active in. But I do think that we all would benefit from a more open discussion. I feel that 180degreehealth may be a place where this type of discussion and discourse is allowed and welcome. Because so many of us are in trouble, we need help and answers and sticking to the same thing over and over when it's clearly not working is not likely to lead to healing.

I've been wondering for a long time where everyone else goes that don't succeed on diets. I know for sure from many posts on forums that a lot of people get strange reactions and fail to improve after years of complying to diets, and then they leave the forums and disappear without a trace. I guess I need to follow them, but I don't know where they go. I feel that those people's stories are just as important as the success stories, and for me even more important since I'm still stuck. There is likely important information there, in the lack-of-success-stories. I'd like to know what that information is? I know for sure it's not due to cheating too much, I know that from my own life, and if it all comes down to taking the wrong amount of supplements, then the diet is so complicated, if a regular person like myself (with a Master's Degree) is unable to follow the instructions, then the instructions must be too difficult to be in any way practical to the general population. Besides, if the diet ONLY works if followed so precisely, it seems a very fragile program, in my mind.

I just signed up for 180degreehealth and will read the free eBook that is going to be emailed to me. I hope to find a way to one day being able to follow the top advice cause it sounds like heaven on earth to a strict dieter like myself. I also agree with what Matt Stone writes on 180degreehaalth that the diet industry has "created a national eating disorder".

Buteyko Method Update

2010-05-31T01:39:00.000-07:00

Not sure the Buteyko Method is a Holy Grail. It's probably more like a work in progress. A loooong slooooow work in progress. As usual, I've found that my idea of long term is not nearly long enough... I was thinking months, my body/the method was thinking years. Or perhaps it's a dead end? No one can tell for sure. I'll just have to try it and see, as usual. I plan to give it my all until Christmas and then to re-evaluate. I know for sure that it seems unreasonable to only be able to hold one's breath for 20 seconds. I also think I'd need to be at a morning CP of at least 40 for a longer period of time before my body can heal. The trick/obstacle seems to be to get the morning CP that high in the first place....

At least, I am now stable as far as clearing symptoms are involved. I feel as good as I did before starting my breath work now, just not able to do yoga yet cause it's too hard on my breathing, but none of the other strange and difficult symptoms related to the breath work remains. I've also resolved my chronic diarrhea by drinking decaf coffee 3 times a day. It probably works because it's so strongly anti-inflammatory. I know it's not a cure, but a symptom treatment, but I'm ok with the thought of drinking coffee every day for the rest of my life. lol. In fact that sounds pretty great, all things considered!

I currently do only very mild EPs (Extended Pauses), of 32, 36 and 40 seconds, and I still do 4 sittings per day (about 30 minutes long sessions each). I also go for a daily power-walk with shallow breathing, and I tape my mouth each night. The Buteyko method is a lot of work but it holds a lot of promise. I'm also happy to be free from all those terrible clearing symptoms I had before. I got free from them by going back to basics and doing super short holds of 10 seconds only for a long time, and then slowly upping the holds, 1 second per day max. I'm still fortunate enough to be working with my own Buteyko practitioner and he thinks I'm progressing like I should.

The really frustrating thing though, is that my morning CP (Control Pause) is still only 20 seconds long, sometimes barely that. This after working so hard 4 times per day for 6 months now. It's definitely an uphill battle. I fear that a year from now my CP will still be 20 seconds. What do I do then?

My period cramps are still the same, or slightly worse because the Buteyko work is taking so much of my energy I forget about the hourly kegles, and because I am not supposed to engage my lower belly, this leads to less support for the uterus, and I don't always have the energy left to do my daily physical therpay program that is so crucial in my pain management. My overall health is still stable but my endometriomas won't go away, my edema, and my sunken eyelids are still a daily problem. My teeth however, seem to be improving a lot after beginning to eat egg shell calcium about a week ago. It seems I've been getting too little calcium. Those store bought calcium tablets clearly didn't give me enough. I've discontinued them now. Egg shell calcium is simply oven dried egg shells that have been crushed into small peaces using a simple wooden roller, and then I chew on them forever like a true Eskimo-wanna-be.

Weston A Price "Nutrition and Physical Degeneration"

2010-05-27T02:13:00.000-07:00

I recently finished reading Dr Weston A Price's groundbreaking book "Nutrition and Physical Degeneration". It was a fascinating read, but it's left me feeling quite depressed and confused. Not only mourning for the suffering of the native people who got essentially wiped out by our modern diets, but also, wondering how I can use the still remaining old wisdom that is being communicated to me via Dr Price's book. My own personal struggle represents a generation of sufferers who all fight our own battles with various degrees of only limited success at best.

After reading the book, instead of finding answers to my questions and health struggles, I've ended up in the smack middle of the dairy controversy, and I don't know what to think anymore. On the one hand, I know for sure that my body does not tolerate dairy, because when I consume it my tongue gets more white and my belly bloated. It seem to feed my candida immediately. It is however possible that those symptoms are healing symptoms and are in fact a sign that I am getting better, not worse. If that is the case, I SHOULD continue consuming it. Talk about 100% confusing and contradictory....

Dr. Price writes "...drink about a quart of milk per day" page 493

Note: I'm ONLY referring to Organic Raw Milk dairy products. Anything else is not of good quality enough that I'd even consider consuming it.

The problem is that there is no information about candida or detox reactions or dairy allergies in Dr Price's book. No single mention of any such reactions. Just stories of children healing perfectly and swiftly when put on raw milk. If this is true, and I have no reason to think Dr Price was fabricating his research, then why can't I (and so many others with me) tolerate raw milk?

I was very surprised to read in Dr Price's book about the common use of dairy products among the wise native people, as I've read online that all dairy is a major no-no, especially for endometriosis and candida sufferers like myself.

"The cattle tribes of Africa, the Swiss in isolated high Alpine valleys, and the tribes living in the higher altitudes in Asia, including northern India, have depended upon a very high quality of dairy products." page 362

If all those native people made the decision to use raw milk as a part of their superior diet, developed over thousands of years, then surely it should be considered a healing food and be good enough for me and everyone else? Then why is raw milk seemingly not healing to me? Perhaps I'm just too far gone? Like the children with tuberculosis. There was no research on raw milk curing them....But I tend to think of myself as far healthier than that. Or perhaps raw milk is ONLY healing to a person of a certain degree of health. Just as saunas are healing to people with relatively high CP, but can be deadly to people with heart issues or very low CPs.

That strengthens the argument that we modern people of today were born sick due to our parent's faulty nutrition, and have been living sick for so long that our bodies can not tolerate breaking down the lactose in otherwise healing milk. However, Weston A Price treated children who were on their death beds. I'd have to believe that my current health/digestion is weaker than a dying child's in the 30s since all the children he treated did respond super well to the raw milk he gave them. Was it just by chance that these kids didn't have lactose intolerance? Or was it because their parents ate full nutrition foods? Or perhaps because their bodies, although dying, were not as filled with toxins as my modern body probably is. It somehow seems far fetched to me, but still entirely it's possible.

What I do know is that I can't drink raw milk, and I know that Weston A Price considered raw milk to be one of the best sources of phosphorus, calcium and other essential minerals. These are the most important building blocks for health and life he theorized, and the most difficult to get enough of. I find myself unable to follow the advice of Dr Price and the wisdom of the native people. Then again, if I had decided 3 years ago that if something made me bloated and gave me a white tongue, then that would be bad, then I'd never have done this current candida diet. When I began this diet my belly got more bloated than ever and stayed that way for 2 years until it normalized. Likewise, my tongue got white immediately and is still white today. SO, perhaps my conclusion should be to use raw milk for 2 years and then see if I feel any better. Obviously this seems like an impossible project. Perhaps I'll just have to wait until I've healed more until I can one day be strong enough to tolerate and utilize the healing minerals present in raw milk. Until then I can still consume the good raw butter fats and seafoods that don't seem to give me any problems.

Dr. Price further writes that "The basic foods should be the entire grains such as whole wheat, rye or oats, whole wheat and rye breads, wheat and oat cereals, oat-cake, dairy products, including milk and cheese, which should be used liberally, and marine foods." page 492

This puts me in the middle of another major controversy, "the grains or not" saga.

I understand that the wheat Dr Price used to treat the kids then was on an entirely different quality than what we can find today. It's quality has been lost forever due to genetic modification, and we are also not able to get fresh enough wheat anymore. (Wheat apparently goes bad very quickly in transportation) The wheat he used must have come from local sources and have been fresh enough to work as a healing food. Also, today many people have gluten intolerance due to over toxicity, myself included. However, if we take any of the gluten-free grains mentioned in his book such as quinoa, and millet, my body has a problem with that too. Even if it's been soaked in medium to get rid of all the phytic acids, these gluten free grains immediately feeds my candida with bloating, white tongue, and severe cravings as a result. Could it be the same as with raw milk, that I'm just too sick to be able to benefit from these whole foods?

Because I feel this grain issues is a problem that can't be solved, and I don't feel that grains are essential to my health, I am ok with staying on my current no grain diet. I do feel however, that raw milk might be essential for healing since it's so loaded with those crucial minerals. However, I question the wisdom of picking and choosing from Dr Price's recommendations. I don't come from a tradition of native people with thousands of years of accumulated wisdom, so who am I to make a guess? The problem with waiting and trying to heal on raw butter and sea foods alone, may be that I might never get there. I've been off grains and dairy and on raw butter for 3 years already. I doubt that I'm improving much.

I also can't just explain away raw milk's healing properties in the 30s and unhealthy properties today with a "soil depletion" argument because that same soil depletion must be true for everything else we eat (except perhaps seafoods). In that case we should not be able to eat beef either since they eat the grass from the same depleted soil that their milk products would be produced from. In my mind if we can eat grass fed beef, then we should be able to eat grass fed raw milk. A healing food is a healing food. Isn't it? Did the natives consume it or did they not? If the answer is yes, shouldn't I be able to consume it? That being said, the Peruvian Indians did chew on cocoa leafs daily. I'd say that is not something healthy that I'd like to add to my diet, but clearly it worked for them.

I'm so confused and all this is too controversial to even discuss on yahoo groups. I'm definitely on my own here.

In reading Dr Price's book, I also found that my upper palate is very narrow. This is something that I am not sure if I need to address or not in order to heal? Weston A Price did see a connection between a narrow upper palate, mouth breathing, poor nutrition of the parents and child, dental caries, and ill health. It's possible that the narrow upper palate is pressing on the pituitary gland and this may cause so much stress on the nervous system that hyperventilation is a result. Or it may be that the facial muscles aren't working like they should, so closing one's jaws is actually physically more difficult and requires conscious thought and effort as opposed to something that happens more or less automatically in people with wide palates. The maxillary bones are involved in this too because of it's proximity to the pituitary gland. But the native mothers did teach their newborns to keep their mouths closed by gently closing their mouths after feeding. So, perhaps it's just caused by poor habits neglected by our modern mothers. Buteyko says hyperventilation is caused by faulty information like the common "deep breathing" propaganda, and our too sedentary life style. But why then can mouth breathing be seen more often in children who's upper palates are narrow? It's a question of crucial interest to me. I sense a connection here.

I am now considering widening my upper palate, but that would be a very expensive endeavor, and it would also mean that I'd have to change how my teeth look. They are very crooked, but I've learned to love them, and it would be difficult to see them change now after all these years. But it would be a price I'd be willing to pay for health. The question is as usual, would it help improve my health or not? There is no research on this so I'd have to experiment on myself again. This is something I've been doing for the last 10 years so I might as well continue my "research-program-of-self-experimentation". But this might be a very expensive way to test the theory, and I'd end up with teeth that look worse to me. Not sure yet what to do. It may also be difficult to find a dentist that will understand how to widen the upper palate, not just straighten the teeth. I'm not even sure myself if there is a difference? The whole issue has left me feeling very alone and confused. So reading this book might have opened an even bigger can of worms for me? But I still believe that looking into reality is the best way to find solutions, not to hide my head in the sand and make a guess. The best educated guess would have the best chances of success in my opinion. I feel that in the confusing world of the myriad of current different diets, my best bet is to go with the wisdom of the native people who have been able to thrive, not only survive, but truly thrive, that is show immunity to dental caries, and other disease like tuberculosis, and on top of that have superior physique, and doing so for thousands of years on their whole foods diets. The life style such as active vs sedentary, may have been secondary, as siblings living in the same household, working the same job, but one eating whole foods and the other refined foods, can show such radical difference in tooth decay. But I'm not sure. I think that an active life style is surely better, but it might not be the most important factor.

In my lonely Google searches, I finally did find this blog of another group of people who have felt the similarly to me after reading Dr Price's book. It really made me feel very happy to learn that I'm not all alone in my wonderings. I love the internet. Without it I don't know how I'd cope.
http://ryan-koch.blogspot.com/2010/03/adult-palate-expansion.html

Buteyko Breathing - The Holy Grail?

2010-01-06T17:48:00.000-08:00

Did I find the Holy Grail? Or at least the missing link that I've been looking for all these years? After re-reading an article from EndoNatural that i had kept in my files for over 6 years, I discovered to my horror on November 25th, 2009 that I had a Control Pause (CP) that is 12. Actually, now I've learned that it was lower than that since I've learned how to do the CP correctly. In the beginning I was pushing myself to hold my breath longer, thus getting an artificially high CP....
Sorry, I'm jumping right into this...let me try to explain. Basically, I hyperventilate, really severely. This has an impact on the well being of my entire body. No wonder I'm never healing from candida.

I began working with a practitioner who knows the Buteyko Method in mid December after my own attempts at learning how to breathe from online descriptions and videos failed miserably.

So, here begins yet another healing journey for me. As always, it involves a new round of detox/healing symptoms for me to get through.

So far my symptoms have been the following:
Nightmares (every night, super unusual for me these days), diarrhea (extremely severe, way beyond my chronic diarrhea), nausea (a different more acute kind than what I've experienced with candida detox), dizziness, ringing in my ears, buzzing in my head, way worse edema, worse sunken eyes, explosive mood swings, extreme anxiety attacks, depression, feeling emotionally overwhelmed, physically exhausted, stomach cramps, coughing (the last time I had a cough was about 15 years ago so this is quite extraordinary for me), sore throat, labored breathing, headaches, pressure over my chest, loosing handfuls of hair, waking up feeling like I'm about to suffocate, etc.

Yupp, it's a journey alright. Fingers crossed this will actually lead me forward...At least I don't feel stuck anymore....It's back to digging into the hard work of sitting and practicing breathing 4 times per day for about 20 minutes each time. It's a challenge but I've never been afraid to work hard. Just afraid of more pain.

So, here I go:
Leroy Jenkins!!!!!!

Christmas Update on Bee's Candida Diet, 2009

2009-12-04T10:36:00.000-08:00

Because the new year is coming up and I realize I've been on this diet for exactly 2.5 years now I figured it would be time for an update:

I feel stuck and it's really frustrating. I'm really disappointed that after 2.5 years of following this ultra strict, time consuming, expensive diet, I'm still no better. I still have my period cramps, I still have the same size endometriomas, I still have adrenal fatigue, digestive problems, daily sugar cravings, thrush, hypoglycemia, mood swings, chiropractic issues, muscle tensions, insomina, PTSD, anxiety, OCD, inner stress, allergies, and rhinitis.

In addition, since starting the diet, I now also deal with edema, daily nausea, physical exhaustion, rapid heartbeat, hair loss, itchy scalp, daily diarrhea, ear issues, irritability, headaches, smelly underarms, dark circles under my eyes etc. They got better in September -09, but still persist and are daily problems that I just live with.

All these symptoms started as soon as I was fully on the diet together with all those other crazy die-off symptoms. The die-off symptoms have improved though by now and that might indicate some level of improvement, but overall I still feel sick as a dog.

The intestinal cramping was gone by January 2008, but a year later I can not report any further improvements other than somewhat milder die-off symptoms.

I'm not saying I am going to stop Bee's diet/program, but I'm definitely looking for other supplementary options to this diet by now. I'm not getting anywhere. I do realize and appreciate that I'm stable, and I am very grateful for that. I must be doing something right?

It's not like I could just "go back" to some other kind of diet that worked for me though. There was never any other diet that I felt good on (and I tried a few including veganism), in fact this diet is the best I've tried so far, but that being said, I'm not improving much. It's clear to me that something is missing from the equation. This diet alone (and all other things I do for my health) are not enough to heal me.

It's a difficult situation and I feel very lonely, I know I'm the only one that can lead me out of this hole. One practitioner will say the exact opposite of the other and they all charge a lot of money for their services, except Bee who gives free advice online.

I will persevere and hope to find a solution one day. For now, I am extremely grateful that I have oil of oregano to help me get through the period cramps. I'm not sure why but I'm still hoping that I'll one day enjoy full health again.